Hops and Box Office Flops

Francis Ford Coppola is one of the greatest directors ever. Period. Yet even his resume is not devoid of misfires and flops. Enter  Jack , a dramedy about a 10-year old kid trapped in the body of a grown man. No, this isn't Big. In this 1996 film, the titular kiddo, Jack Powell, ages far faster than his peers. With that odd condition comes its own set of issues. As one may assume, yes, poor Jack w...

After seven years and 299 episodes, it was only fitting we'd tackle the film that's been a lightning rod with fans—and the hosts of this podcast—since its release in March 2016. Love it or hate it,  Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice  remains in the comic book cultural zeitgeist; and it was the first in a chain of events that led to the eventual downfall of the previous iteration of the DCU. Now,...

We've mercifully finished the fight! After four grueling pods and six movies, we conclude our Biohazard Flops series with Resident Evil: The Final Chapter . Frankly, we don't have the energy to attempt to dissect how this made more than $300 million worldwide. We survived, and that's all that matters. Now, sit back, give in to the T-Virus with a Harvest Zombie from KCBC, and sneak through that god...

Resident Evil: Retribution carries on the proud tradition of these movies making no sense. The Red Queen is back, and she's an even bigger bitch; Leon shows up with Barry Burton for reasons; and Wesker is alive — which we knew — but he's defected from Umbrella now. Things happen, Alice wakes up naked — again — and does backflips — again! And we, the audience, are left to wonder what crime we commi...

Through bites and claw marks, we soldier on in our Resident Evil franchise retrospective by tackling the second pairing of movies — Resident Evil: Extinction and Resident Evil: Afterlife ! Like the T-Virus, the series has mutated to something indescribably heinous, devouring even more money than its first two iterations. Now, sit back, toast to that infection with a Social Studies Pizza Party from...

We come out guns blazing for our look at the Resident Evil film franchise by tackling the first two movies —  Resident Evil and Resident Evil Apocalypse ! Now, sit back, search for the truth with a White Rabbit Hazy IPA from Pedal Haus Brewing , and do your best not to die in the Hive! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla , and Bling Blake are genetically modified ass-kicking machines, and we're on a...

My Fellow Americans is serviceable mismatched duo comedy starring James Garner and Jack Lemmon as two former Presidents on the run from some nefarious government agents. As former political rivals, Russell P. Kramer (Lemmon) and Matt Douglas (Garner) are thrust together after Kramer is framed for a bribe he didn't take. Some decent laughs and witty repartee ensue. This is very much Grumpy Old Men...

Primary Colors  is a highly embellished take on the 1992 Presidential campaign of Bill Clinton. Using that real life run as inspiration, it tells the story of long-shot democrat hopeful Governor Jack Stanton—a deeply flawed, though well-intentioned politician. Yes, Stanton like his real-life counterpart is a dirty dog. And his wandering eye is a constant source of annoyance for his team. That asid...

The Campaign is an outlandish look at two dimwits vying for votes on the local stump circuit, and it is quite funny. Democratic candidate Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) duels with Republican Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis) for what should've been an uncontested election. Hilarity ensues. What's most shocking about The Campaign isn't the lengths Brady will go to ensure he maintains his seat; it's that...

Swing Vote is about as dated as a film can get, harkening back to a time when politics were more civil and it was conceivable that both parties actually cared about their constituents. In that sense, it's sort of a time capsule peace. It's also an unfunny mess, where we're stuck rooting for a deadbeat dad as two candidates shamelessly jockey for his decisive vote. In Swing Vote Kevin Costner, as B...

Skyscraper is our highest grossing Try Hard Flop, but it’s also our dullest. A paint-by-numbers action movie with very little action to speak of, this thing is a CGI-bloated algorithm of genre tropes. Instead of just allowing the Rock to go full 80s badass, we get the wounded warrior poet, who begrudgingly picks back up his “sword” to clear his name and save his family. If only the villains were s...

White House Down  was one of two action movies set in the nation’s capitol in 2013. And it is the far inferior one. Despite costing $80 million more than Olympus Has Fallen, White House Down looks and plays like a cheap replica of the former. Its PG-13 rating is also watered down, robbing the film of any potential for over the top violence. We thought this was America, damnit! Now, sit back, lock...

Toy Soldiers is the proof that Samwise Gamgee isn't just a stupid, fat Hobbit. He was once a dickish prep school kid, who played by his own rules. Despite his poor behaviors and utter disrespect for authority, he's also capable of heroic feats. That is the central concept behind Toy Soldiers—trust fund kids versus Colombian terrorists. Like all Die Hard-inspired films, we know how it will end—impr...

There are many things under siege in Under Siege 2: Dark Territory —the audience, Steven Seagal’s credibility as a tough guy, his belt, and the statutory laws of wherever they filmed. None of those equate to an entertaining action movie, nor should they describe the sequel to a pretty solid film of the genre. Yes, this movie sucks. But, it did essentially end the silly notion that Seagal was anyth...

Filmed during the pandemic, 2025's  War of the Worlds was shelved for four+ years before being foisted upon the unsuspecting public. This turd should've never been dusted off. There is nothing less suspenseful than watching Ice Cube fluctuate between looking anxious, angry, disturbed, and smarmy whilst sitting at a computer screen. Literally, that is the film. Now, sit back, ease your migraine wit...

Jaws: The Revenge is the sad end to the great white's big screen carnivorous adventures. Last episode, we skewered Jaws 3D for its cheap effects, lack of tension, and overall moronic story. Jaws: The Revenge is somehow worse. Sure, the shark effects are better (however moderately), but the story is nonsensical slop. This time around, the prehistoric predator is out for more than just satisfying it...

Jaws 3D  is the third entry in the killer shark franchise. The original is still widely regarded as a classic. The second is a watchable flick with some decent gore. This one, however, is a shipwreck of epic proportions. From its shoddy 3D effects to its dearth of tension, Jaws 3D never offers anything to justify its existence. Yes, money is why, but having a good idea or two wouldn't have hurt. T...

The Dark Tower is a woeful adaptation of Stephen King's beloved book series. Condensing seven mainline stories into one undercooked film, The Dark Tower lacks any of the elements that made the novels so special. It's a speed run, dumbing down the world and its lore so much that there's really no audience for it. Fans of the books were left dumbstruck, and newcomers were just confused. The Dark Tow...

Based on a 60s television show of the same name, The Man from UNCLE attempts to merge the cool of James Bond with real-world Cold War era politics. The results are mixed. Directed by Guy Ritchie, it has all the hallmarks of one of his films—quippy banter, smooth action beats, and heroes that ooze charisma. Well, one of the heroes is charismatic. And it's not the one who allegedly is into cannibali...

As a follow-up to the masterful Mad Max: Fury Road, Furiosa had a tough road to hoe. It mostly lives up to those lofty expectations, but it also suffers from the same ills that plague most prequels. We essentially knew the titular Furiosa's story. It was told brilliantly through the performance of Charlize Theron. Seeing it fully realized onscreen, as beautiful as it can be, doesn't feel entirely...

There was a time when Hasbro envisioned a cinematic universe. Battleship was a cog in that misguided wheel, an expensive one at that. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for all us movie goers, Battleship sank before it even hit the seas. Critics and audiences alike found little joy or interest in a $200 million dollar blockbuster based on a slow-paced board game. To be fair, they were all corre...

Batman Forever attempted to course correct the Caped Crusader's big screen adventures after its predecessor, Tim Burton's Batman Returns, was deemed too dark. Swapping Burton for Joel Schumacher in the director's chair, the film certainly has a different feel than Returns. It trades the dark and moody Gotham for a more campy, neon soaked one. That change may have led to greater receipts at the box...

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a fantastic neo-noir that is carried by outstanding lead performances from Robert Downey, Jr. (RDJ) and Val Kilmer. Written and directed by Shane Black, it is a film that thrives on its witty banter, sleek visuals, and intricate plotting. Ok, that latter bit can sometimes be a bit convoluted, but that doesn't detract from the repartee. Kilmer has never been better than he is...

The Island of Dr. Moreau has the ignoble distinction of being the only movie to appear on this podcast twice. But, to be fair, the first episode was in dire need of further conversation. Thus, we've gone back to the island with all manor of misfit mutants. As we suspected, the film remains just as bizarre as ever. Like the ill-fated experiments of the titular doctor, The Island of Dr. Moreau itsel...

Real Genius  was Val Kilmer's second big screen appearance. His first,  Top Secret! , we also covered on this podcast. Like that one, Real Genius is a tremendous showcase for his immense acting talents. This is a truly great 80s comedy, propelled by the infinite charisma of Kilmer as brilliant slacker Chris Knight. It doesn't hurt that William Atherton plays his despicable foil Professor Jerry Hat...