Good Grief

After a loved one dies, what should we do with all that STUFF? And how about our own stuff, which we will some day leave behind? How does a loss change our relationship to stuff, both that of the person we lost and our own. Reflecting a deep personal experience with how possessions changed meaning for her after her husbands's sudden death, Rachel Kodanaz helps us approach what to keep and what to...

Some traumatic losses are beyond our imagination until we experience them. Bonnie Hirst's life was thrown upside down when her daughter was arrested for murder and then left changed forever when she was found guilty and given a life sentence. How could Bonnie, a mother with a close relationship to her grown daughter, and a deep lifelong faith, make sense of such a terrible tragedy? Navigating her...

In 1972, a plane full of young people on their way to a rugby tournament crashed in the Andes. What followed was 72 days of survival in a rough and inhospitable environment. Those who did not die in the crash itself were in constant peril from freezing cold, hunger, avalanche and injury. How did the survivors manage to stay alive and, ultimately, bring about their own rescue? And what did that icy...

Sarah Neustadter was part way through her training to be a psychologist when the love of her life suddenly died of suicide. In the early days after he died, she wrote emails to his account, which remained open even after his death. Though she believed he likely knew every painful feeling and thought racing through her, she found comfort in describing the experience and remembering her love for him...

How can we live well to the ends of our lives? And how are we affected by societys view of being old and being elder? As Louise Aronson aged herself, her view of these questions deepened. As a gerontologist she had already been keenly aware of the differences in this stage of life and how they impacted her patients. But as her own experience changed her viewpoint she realized that even the care of...

In the confusing landscape of childhood sexual abuse, it is often easier to block the experience than continue to try to make sense of what is happening. Patricia Eagle did not uncover the memories of her fathers abuse until well into her adulthood, although it affected her ability to take care of herself and make the choices that were best for her. Her mother further contributed to her confusion...

A childhood of abuse left Lisa Braver Moss with doubts about her worth, fears and a driving need to succeed in school and get free of her family. As time went on, she understood more about that experience and began to make some sense of it. Her path to her own best life ultimately led her to want to capture her experiences and her novel, Shrug, is the result. What is it like to write fiction based...

When Karen Stefano was attacked on her way home at 19 years old, those moments led to fear; of footsteps behind her and of the dark. Only later would she understand that she carried the imprint of her attack with her. When her life felt, again, uncertain, the symptoms returned and she knew that only if she faced her early experience head-on would she be able to move forward. But how would she make...

What helps us to choose courage and resilience over resignation? What helps us to pick ourselves up when we're knocked down? Living with a child who was diagnosed with a mental illness at a very young age, then facing her own health challenges made it clear to Ann Grady that she would need to develop both her courage and her resilience! As she researched what it took to live her life positively an...

Religions like Jehovah's Witness promise their followers certainty and safety. Leaders demand obedience to proscribed standards of behavior, beliefs and practices. But what happens when a follower begins to doubt? For Amber Scorah, leaving the Witness meant giving up everyone and everything in her life. On top of this severing of every tie, she would have to live with uncertainty in a way she neve...

LGBTQ+ people face discrimination, marginalization and oppression often from a very early age. Gay men, in particular, have also lived with the trauma of the AIDS epidemic. Those in the oldest generation, who experienced a crushing amount of loss and the fear that this new disease created faced perhaps the most extreme set of emotional consequences. But two generations since, those who came out af...

When hospice is the best possible choice, families are often lost in a sea of confusion, not even sure what hospice is. At the same time, reading long descriptions of the services and goals is sometimes beyond them. After years of work in chaplaincy and hospice (and his own personal experiences of loss), Larry Patten thought he could help. What resulted was a clear, readable guide to what hospice...

Poetry is a language perfectly suited for grief, resonating with deep experience without needing to be too literal. we hear our own experience captured and are comforted in companionship with this resonance. But can poetry also offer a jumping off place for exploration of our mourning? Out of her belief that it can, and does, Kim Langley has created a book full of poems written by grievers, adding...

As medicine advances, it is harder and harder to accept the moment when it is time to face death and make the most of our remaining time. Dr. Jessica Zitter is a fierce advocate for asking the tough questions. Is doing everything always best? And how do we support each other when doing more is doing harm? How do we face the sense of failure, both as doctors and patients, which often comes with sus...

Part of loving someone deeply is a hidden promise to take care of them if need be. But nothing prepared Donna Figurski for her husband's sudden disability and her headlong launch into life as a caregiver. As she adjusted to a new and not always manageable life in this unexpected circumstance, she learned how to manage it- and what wasn't manageable at all. Her impulse to share her experience, and...

Joanne Steen had what she considered a perfect life. She had a satisfying career and a good marriage to a Naval officer. Then her world turned upside down when her husband was killed while on duty. Evolving over time, her loss led to a new career working with Gold Star families; those who, like her, lost someone close while they were on duty. What helped her through, built her resiliency and forme...

An illness when he was only 13 planted the idea in Dr. Bradley Nelson's mind that he would some day be a healer. Although he almost gave that up for a career in business and computer science, his calling made itself undeniable. Becoming a chiropractor seemed almost fated or at least spiritually led and he set about bringing his whole self to correcting the imbalances in his patients' bodies. Over...

D.J. Chang learned early in her life to explore the big questions. When her childhood caregiver died she began to hear from him with both questions and answers. Through all her struggles and challenges she felt his guidance and support. She could face the setbacks she encountered because of the constant sense that he was in her corner. When she came out, when her beloved struggled with AIDS, when...

When Tembi Locke spent a college semester in Italy, it changed the course of her life. Meeting Saro, the man she would love and marry, filled her with joy and also challenged them both to bridge the gap between his Sicilian farm family and her Houston Texas family of civil rights activists. Over time their persistence and courage began to connect their two families. But no struggle before it could...

How did attorney Julie Potiker evolve from her career in law to writing a book about mindfulness? She discovered, through a brush with death and the ADHD of her kids along with countless other events of living, that she couldn't always control what happened in her life. Mindfulness was recommended to her as a way to stay balanced in out of control times. The result was life-changing, sending her i...

Gabrielle Jimenez never imagined she would find a calling as a hospice nurse. But when she got a job supporting a woman who was declining, she loved it. Struggling to finish the course work to become a nurse, her own soft landing came when she got a job in hospice. She felt privileged and lucky to be working with people in such a deep way. The time she was able to spend with people fed her soul. W...

Decades of work with people as they are dying taught Dr. Charles Garfield valuable lessons about giving and receiving peace when a loved one is at the end. As the founder of Shanti Project, a compassionate end of life organization, he learned from thousands of people at this most sacred time of their lives. In his latest book, Life's Last Gift, Dr. Garfield shares what he's learned about maintaini...

Being very accomplished in other areas doesn't prepare you for caregiving. Kathleen Flora found that out when her mother began struggling with dementia. Despite her strong commitment to caring for her mother, she had lots to learn. Hoping to help others navigate this rough terrain, she wrote about her experiences and lessons and created a memoir designed to offer experience and instruction for oth...

With the death of a spouse, the future dies too. If you're a planner like Lori LoCicero there are many smaller losses along with the big loss. When Lori's husband died, she became unmoored, as if her tether to earth was broken. Her world seemed to stop cold. How did she come through her grief to a place where she could once again see her way forward? And what came next? Whatever came next depended...

Raised with a keen awareness that everything is impermanent, that all life ends, Sunita Puri was challenged to find a way to come to terms with medicine's inability to accept these truths. Her perspective was at odds with the training she was receiving as a medical student, where any death, even an inevitable one, was a failure. When she was finally exposed to a palliative care rotation she found...