Gal Talk

welcome to the schizophrenic hour. and look, i mean we've certainly done episodes to "fill the time", but this has got to be the peak example of "getting through the hour". we will return to regular programming next week, once my cohost unsucks himself from all the bare-back he so deviously enjoys.

sorry the episode was late, some scheduling issues arose. you see, i am on the international board of bustin, and this month we had A LOT of data to sort through, mostly from public contributions (thanks as always) but, as a side note, some of you guys need to get your sh*t checked out. it is not supposed to be green, grey, or black. after rigorous argument, mostly on my part, we do now accept deh...

well the cats outta the bag, and my balls are, subsequently, out of the cat's mouth. prerecorded episodes are done. my regular cohost, my main man, is out of the office this week. he told me he was traveling for work, but you and i both know the d*ck sucking convention rolled into town last week, and he couldn't keep his dirty mouth out of that tent for more than five minutes. i bet he&#39...

nuclear war... we've all heard of it: boom boom, bang bang: the end of everything... but isn't that... now isn't that quite a lot like my penis and balls? a decimation of all life, if you will? a sterile cleansing? a lot of women... perhaps too many women, all of them doctors, have described my balls as a russian nuclear alliance with the chinese. what are we to make of that? perhaps m...

boom boom motherfu*kers. check out the latest episode of this super cool hip podcast. and we, we appeal to youngsters and... and also NPR listeners. if you listen far enough along, i'm sure we talk about like, memoirs no one has read, or cool critters with interesting facts, and trump is bad, and january 6th... ooh so crazy... i haven't... i haven't listened to NPR in a long time. i do...

let's start a band. something akin to Tenacious D, but like, without getting wildly overweight. and also without the references to music we liked whenever we were kids- provided that we were "kids" in the 70's- and... and also, now that i think of it, other than "School of Rock", and "Bernie", what has Jack Black ever done that warrants any respect? Nacho Libr...

i got a memorial for you right here, bucko. it's got two balls and a pair of reindeer horns, a big spiky spike coming out of my... of my... butt? of my butt. go ahead and check it out. look deep. what do you see? that's right, it's a roadmap. but where does it lead to? not your favorite local cocktail bar. oh no, no. you're going to find yourself waist deep in dreamland. your broth...

i'd like to dedicate a month of celebration to the male body. we've already got women's month (weirdly overlapping with black history month). so i say it's high time we have a month dedicated to that moment, as a guy, when you've got an erection at inconvenient time, in a weird place, and you gotta do one of those 'squeeze your toes to redirect blood flow while thinking of...

yeah, i didn't go to college, so i'm not hip to what kids are calling "research", but i did smoke a couple doobies in a parking lot beside a college dorm. so... you could say i received a community college education on history... middle aged as*holes are scared of chatgpt, but i gotta tell you a little secret: (nobody writes college papers). just google it. like our forefathers d...

how come corn is yellow? hows come corn do be yellow like that? cause you look at corn, right? you're looking at an ear of corn, and it's all yellow! how come it don't be lots of different kinds of colors? like red and purple and sh*t like that? what did they do to the corn? what did they do to the native americans? is there a connection there? pilgrims? shut the f*ck up.

we live in a world, maybe you've noticed, where everything is pretend. there isn't a structure to hold all of this upright, and yet we still act as though what we do is pertinent, it has meaning we have yet to uncover, so long as we continue to suffer... toil... eventually we will be rewarded, right? As long as you work hard, give it all you got, invest wisely... something something someth...

what's your favorite fast food snack? i... i don't care. we all eat the same things. there is no favorite fast food, because the whole experience of eating is derived from... do you like your wet meat in a burrito or a bun? fries or fries? soda or beer? depends on the time of day, no it doesn't.

i know the episode is titled after a different movie, but i'm uploading this at midnight after more than my fair share of ranch waters, just completing my fifth rewatch of Paul Thomas Anderson's "The Master", and really, if you take nothing else from our show, you should remember that PTA did approximately two good things in his artistic career, and this movie is one of them. (th...

happy easter folks, i really hope you celebrated by... by... whatever it is we do. we eat candy? what's the meal for easter? is it basically just thanksgiving food but maybe we eat ham instead of turkey? there are eggs.. i've heard that people do an activity with eggs... i have a feeling it is unrelated to the nasty sh*t i get up to with regards to eggs... how about instead of hiding eggs...

a lot of soiling ourselves on this episode, be forewarned. mostly pee-pee, but not an insignificant amount of ca-ca, as well. it's a well rounded show, we try to hit all angles of the political spectrum. as we're speaking now, i'm here sitting with a gatorade bottle strapped to my ding-dong, filling it to the brim with neon blue. some people - doctors - call it a "disease", t...

let's do a documentary about my balls, and we'll call it "tom hank's big movie", and if each of us pitches in, i'd say we could do it for an easy 4 or 6 million. we'll cast a litany of chinese actors, really go for that oscar trifecta. we'll get tom hanks, he'll do anything, and we'll doll him up, make him chinese-lookin, you know what i'm talking abou...

and i say unto you... my bum is leaking thy stinky liquid by virtue of illness... oh lord, dear god, how i pray to thee that my consequences strip not my interior lining, butthole delivered, but rather erupt from my throat as chunk... chunk unto you, chunk unto me, chunk unto everyone... for we are in the land of thick ladies and heavy-set boys, deficient of nutrition, unless thy be organic...

sharks, i have a proposition for you, it's a new invention called socialism, and it's where i get a sloppy kiss from a fat wet mouth. i've never... look i've never "technically" read marx, and i've never "had sex", but i feel like these are antiquated conceptions of history and life, you can basically assume based on cultural derivatives. am i gay? well, you'll just have to invest and find out!

are you curious about what we talked about? well then go ahead a give it a listen, pal. i'm not your momma, sucking on my big beautiful liberated breasts, my fat feminist titties, all so you can get you some milk! what is milk, anyway? you guys ever think about that? what the what? just a bunch of white water we were told is good for our bones? don't tell me you believe that. don't you sit here an...

i've been thinking a lot about... like, capitalism. how like, it's so bad and makes everything so stinky, pee-u, gross. amazon? how about you put my anxiety in a box and ship that somewhere else! huh? you guys know what i'm talking about? how about you do a little prime shipping on my butthole

the last couple episodes i tried using that AI stuff to write the description - you know that stupid whatever that's supposed to be better than all human achievement? - and let me tell you, i feel like i could do a better job in my sleep, getting sucked off by a couple sheep, covered in honey and blood. you guys ever have those dreams? sound off in the comments about whether or not your dreams are...

One person mentions that they usually don't wear a condom and the other person refers to it as a black gamble and jokes about going home with $100. They then discuss the importance of learning more about vaginal illness, especially for men who participate in sexual activities. The conversation then turns to hormones and how they relate to reproductive health and the person jokes about having to st...

The conversation begins with a warm welcome, setting the tone for the show. They then move on to discuss the thing in the news, which happens to be a Chinese balloon. None of them know the details of the situation, but it's apparently been shot down. Even with the news about the Chinese balloon circulating, it's clear that none of them have any opinion on the matter. They joke about it and finish...

it's the twentieth episode! what a cool milestone, so cool and good. granted, neither of us knew during the recording that it was, in fact, such a cool and good milestone, so the result is what you might call a "regular episode," if not a bit "lack-luster." how about, how about instead of lack-luster it's crack-buster? like a 1950's bugs bunny detective who's out there busting crack crimes? or may...

what's your favorite part of the show? do you like it when we say goo-goo and ga-ga? or is it... do you like it when i feed you milk and change your diaper? wipe your rashy bum? wait, hold on. i'm thinking of a different show. nevermind.