Gal Talk

i'm thinking of a number between one and pussy. what's your best guess? you're wrong, it's two, you f*cking pervert.

it's the new ass year bro, watchu gon do bout it? watchi go-ing dur boutit bruh? matcha boon gought ta brotha? snatch a groom doubt it mother, and various other examples. it's the new year, so you know what that means, we're all hungover and one step closer to schizophrenic night terrors where goblins and ghosts try to steal our soul before we have the chance to swallow the sun! thanks...

i bet the dreidel part is awesome, but i can't imagine any other aspect, like the candles or whatever, that all seems pretty boring. tradition, in general, by nature, is very boring. i want a new holiday, something sexy, something with more cream based dishes involved, like a remembrance day that demands a fettuccine alfredo. an olive garden style celebration. unlimited appetizers, or whatever...

the dark knight? tenet? atom bomb movie? how about the shart night? i can't really think of a pun for tenet. i keep trying all the usual ones, like how can i work the word "penis" into it... penet? that's not obvious enough, it's not as clean as "shart night". with "shart night" you know what you're getting into, you can picture exactly what i'm ge...

what's the deal with customer service never providing adequate service? there always like "yeah let me check on my end." what... what's going down on their end? huh? just a bunch of pictures of LeVar Burton, while they tell you "it'll be just one more minute." chamber music playing in the background. here's another thing, another problem we all share, but how ab...

you guys ever watch that show Californication? that's sort of what i'm into right now... television shows, what's that about? you're sitting at home watching nine hours of your third favorite show, rewatching for the fifth time? pouring another drink, neglecting how badly your dog needs to pee because it's too cold to go outside? come on, pal, that ain't you. i know you, yo...

what am i thankful for this year? ummm... easy answer, i'm grateful for pussy, and also, pirates of the carribean. if i'm being completely honest... it's been a bleak year. we were reminded of an ongoing genocide in gaza, and my d*ck never got bigger, despite what the witch doctor told me after i bought that special cream...

i wanna be a zookeeper. no, i have no interest in educating myself on the subject. no., i don't care that this is technically an animal prison. this kind of fact checking is honestly so offensive, and honestly, it's also racist. let me feed the monkeys! i wanna give those apes some chunky snacks! is that a crime now?? your honor....

i only fly away. i don't where why... does anyone know the next part of the song? i feel like that's a mumble part. you ever mumble your way through a popular song? like, you kinda get the melody, you know what's generally going on, but you just lack specific knowledge of the words? i feel that way during prayers. you know it's got to be about the lord, they love him, but you just...

i've got a confession to make. sorry, i meant i have a concession to make. whoops, no, sorry, i meant i have a concession stand to make, to cake. to cake or not to cake, that is the question we must ask ourselves, when so wedded to treats as our souls must partake. should we perish in delight? or abstain for eternity?

i like me a big stinky cheeseburger. that's my go to meal. a plate of gnarly smelly meat between sweaty buns and hard thick cheese. french fries? go f*ck yourself. i want spanish fries, i want nachos with p*ssy juice all over it. with a gun. a gun with salsa bullets in it, that is!

you guys like music? that sweet sonorous jam of a band playing in the hot night? well guess what, turns out that makes you gay. sorry, I don't make the rules. check your local mdma manufacturer. did you like the odezza tour? did you think that was... that was worth your time and money? odezza. am i spelling that rignt? who cares

more like misrael, am i right? because i'm sure it's pretty miserable having a rave dance party during bombing season! that's right! i'm saying what we're all thinking! news moves so fast, i'm sure this is all relevant and we all remember what i'm talking about, but i always thought it was cool, personally, whenever the nazi's blasted avicii throughout the concentra...

it's the spooky season folks! we've got goblins and ghouls scampering about, waiting to reveal themselves in scantily clad clothes, showing off their big beautiful goblin breasts and their stinky butt cheeks. it'd be cool to have sex with a ghost, because i've always been into older women, plus you get to watch the spread of your bust in her hollow body, and who doesn't love a...

didn't make that pun during the show, so i thought i'd save us by making it the title. needless to say, we've got a magical episode for you here, so all you nerds can finally hear our hot takes on fantasy fiction. do we think it's gay? depends on how far that wand fits up my butthole, now doesn't it? let's just say that old wizard staff better have ridges on it

that's right folks, we had to do it again. why? because the novel coronavirus, that's why. oh, you didn't think it was still a thing? me neither, i thought i got vaxed enough times by that hallway doctor, with the stinky hands, told me i could get the vax or free if i gave him a kiss in the right place. can you guess where the right place was? let me pull up this doll, go ahead and poi...

we're broke, we're sick, but we're here to broadcast. needn't you worry, darling, we aren't gone just yet. we have but more to say before the curtain draws. you ever been... you ever been so poor that the zoom recorder breaks and you have to wait until payday to buy a new one? well then you might be a redneck! you ever been... you ever been so broke you get erectile dysfunction...

sorry for the delay, folks, our podtrak p4 finally frigging totally crapped out on us. that's what you get, i suppose. gotta spend money to make money. gotta, sorta, you know broke money ain't fixin... spent money ain't broke... making money ain't spending if you broke don't fix it money. we all know that classic saying. money ain't broke so don't fix spending if you wa...

come with me, and you'll see, that i have a tiny wiener. right? did you sing it, in your head? try singing it in your head, then come back to me with your hot takes. what about, what about cold takes? where your opinion of something is like, kinda really chill. what did you think of the movie Contact? my cold take is that it's pretty alright. honestly, i feel like you could put that movie...

i'm too young to die, but i'm also too old to be living this way. is that a country song? garth brooks, maybe. something about how i'm sitting on the horse backwards, staring at the butt-end, looking towards the horizon as the sun goes down and my majestic horse drops a fat load on the ground. hey pal, what the hell did you eat? that smells horrendous.

what's your favorite movie? is it the barbie movie? well it g*ddamn better be, pal. this ain't a democracy no more, pumpkin. we watching barbie movie and we drinking finnish long drink. that's right. no more voting, no more news, no more politics. from now on we are getting f*cked up and rewatching barbie movie. that's what everyone wants, right? baby movies and low calorie seltzer...

welcome to gal talk! yay! woo! we're all so happy, and barbie, and feminism! look, it's basically the same show, we're just making some aesthetic changes, and trying to be more inclusive to women, because we love women, we love the way they... we love how... they're very good at things, and we encourage... we support... black lives matter

UPDATE: UPDATE: UPDATE: starting next week, don't be scared, don't be alarmed, but we will be changing the name of the show - after much discussion, we realized that the '39th Parallel" isn't the most googlable name in the world - so we will soon become "Gal Talk", a hip new show that is exactly the same as the old show. EPISODE NOTES: we love the barbie, don't w...

i would like to deliver a balls to my ass, if you know what i'm saying.

we're back, baby. the kind of content you're about to receive... oh my god, it's going to fill you up so good. so many carbs! so much red meat! hot red sweaty meat (like your father's balls) just hanging there... the most perfect of punching bags.