From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer

Even after a thoughtful and sincere apology, with no strings attached, we often find ourselves stuck in a place of being unable to accept an apology and move forward. In this episode, we follow up to last week’s discussion of sincere apologies and look at it from the receiving end. Join us as we discuss the personal and past hurdles that often affect us being unable to accept apologies, as well as...

Apologizing can be as simple as an “I'm sorry” all the way to working through deeply complex injuries that leave both people feeling exposed and vulnerable. In this episode we discuss the basics of a strong apology and offer helpful ways to ensure you are taking accountability for your actions. We also discuss the importance of not making excuses or qualifying your behavior. Our goal is to help yo...

Betrayed partners often have difficulty knowing where they're at in the healing process. After the chaos of discovery and early recovery, the rest can seem like a blur. My guest is Tammy Gustafson, therapist, coach, and writer, who helps break down four distinct phases of healing from betrayal trauma. In this episode, we cover:  The 4 phases of healing after betrayal Why they are important Ho...

Although church is a place for imperfect people to go to become better, sometimes we find it hard to be accepted there through our own trials and imperfections, especially in the case of sexual brokenness. Today Daniel Weiss joins us to discuss how clergy and members of congregations can better approach this struggle and come together to help foster healing and acceptance. In this episode we cover...

Today we conclude our conversation with internationally recognized sex therapist, Wendy Maltz. She continues to discuss the steps that couples can take to relearn touch after betrayal. In this episode we cover: How couples can work together to relearn touch How couples can support each other during that process Relearning touch outside of sex The Power of Community in Pornography Recovery : Downlo...

Intimacy is a vital part of a relationship, and one that takes time and effort to create. After the betrayal of pornography addiction, the steps to healing and regaining that intimacy can be confusing and difficult to navigate. Internationally recognized sex therapist, author, and speaker, Wendy Maltz, joins us for the third time to address the process of relearning touch after betrayal....

In an age of instant gratification and constant activity, we are left with little time to be bored or disconnected from stimulation. It is becoming increasingly challenging to sit with discomfort of any kind - constantly looking to avoid it, numb those feelings, or react with unhealthy practices. In this episode we discuss the importance of allowing discomfort in our lives and the safety we will f...

Do you have a hard time saying “no” and holding personal boundaries around your time, energy and resources? We often find ourselves socially conditioned to be agreeable, helpful, and willing to say “yes” at just about any cost. In this episode we discuss the importance of personal boundaries, and surrounding yourself with people who will accept you and grow with you as you develop the ability to h...

Masculinity has become a taboo topic in recent years, often being associated with sexism and misogyny. In this episode Ben Pacini, author of “The Case for Heroic Masculinity” and professor at BYU-Idaho, joins us to discuss the need for healthy masculinity in today’s society. What that looks like in different families, communities, and organizations may differ, but will ultimately benefit the whole...

During my years working with couples dealing with addiction and betrayal, I’ve seen several key trends that have led to the most healing and recovery for the partner who has been betrayed. In this episode we discuss the top 4 principles that I see helping the betrayed partner to improve their own healing and recovery process. The Power of Community in Pornography Recovery : Download Relay and...

During my years working with couples dealing with addiction and betrayal, I’ve seen several key trends that have led to the most successful recoveries for those who have betrayed their partner. In this episode we discuss the top 4 things that I see helping those who have betrayed trust have the most movement and progress in their recovery and relationship. The Power of Community in Pornography Rec...

Working through betrayal trauma brings up a lot of unknowns in a relationship. One of the most common questions is if the betrayer has the capacity and the willingness to change, or if they are tied to a compulsive or addictive behavior that is beyond conquering. In this episode we discuss each label and how at the end of the day, while each may give different connotations about the intent of betr...

There is a fine line between words that empower change and words that drag us down and keep us stuck in a hamster wheel of unhealthy patterns. In this episode we discuss the importance of differentiating between shame and regret, and how recognition and action can do wonders for recovery. The Power of Community in Pornography Recovery : Download Relay and try it out for free, or learn more at Rela...

Have you ever followed a rule or a request with the understanding, and even the intent, that the person setting that rule won’t really get what they want out of it? In this episode we discuss the term ‘malicious compliance’, and how that can play out in a recovery dynamic. Join us as we discuss the natural, reflexive responses to requests and how to transform those into a more mature, self-reflect...

With an increase of activities, over-scheduling, and an overall feeling of “busy-ness”, our lives already seem full to the brim. When a betrayal or other traumatic event occurs, how do we fit in the time and effort to prioritize that recovery while moving on with the demands of every-day life? In this episode we discuss the necessity of slowing down and editing out the less important tasks in our...

We hear a lot of talk about “toxic” positivity versus being real, vulnerable, and open about our struggles and emotions. It can be hard to know how to balance the two vastly different emotions, especially when self-regulation has been damaged by trauma. In this episode we discuss the need for balancing the positivity and negativity in our lives and how having movement between both can actually mak...

Relationship bonds come in all shapes and sizes. Friendships, acquaintances, family members, and intimate partners all have different levels of connection and familiarity that they are built upon. In this episode we specifically discuss the bonding that occurs when the focus is on the drama or superficial aspects of everyday life and how that can often quickly become a substitute for deeper connec...

Moving forward after a betrayal is critical, but when the past has not been fully addressed, it becomes difficult to focus on the future. If the betrayer does not disclose the important information to the betrayed partner, the past becomes bigger than the future. In this episode I continue the conversation on why formal disclosure matters after a betrayal to begin repairing the damage of living wi...

Moving forward after a betrayal is critical, but when the past has not been fully addressed, it becomes difficult to focus on the future. If the betrayer does not disclose the important information to the betrayed partner, the past becomes bigger than the future. In this episode I discuss the following reasons why a formal disclosure is important to betrayal healing: Help both partners enter reali...

We’ve all heard the terms “fight, flight, or freeze”. In a physical, adrenaline-filled situation, one could argue that any of these responses would be preferred over another. However, in an emotionally charged situation such as post-betrayal trauma, having your partner freeze when bringing up your pain, hurt, and emotional needs can continue to damage the relationship. In this episode we discuss d...

One of the biggest effects of trauma, especially from betrayal, is the feeling of depersonalization; the feeling of watching your life unfold from the outside looking in. These feelings may be overwhelming, often accompanied by a sense of urgency to find yourself and your happiness. In this episode we share where to begin on the journey to finding your true self again, and how directly searching f...

We all have our own life experiences that shape our opinions, motives, and actions. While we are able to live our lives how it makes sense to us, inevitably we each have blind spots that may cloud our judgment or limit our ability to see ourselves clearly. In this episode we discuss methods to gauge our blind spots, receive productive feedback from our relationships with others, and hold ourselves...

Betrayed women often find themselves questioning if their partner is still lusting after or objectifying other women, sometimes years after trust was broken. It can be difficult to know if actions match the thoughts behind them. In this episode we discuss the warning signs of objectification and how those red flags can point to something unresolved in recovery. If broken trust is an issue in your...

In the aftermath of betrayal it is very common for the betrayer to act from a place of fear; going through the motions of compliments, acts of service, and even grandiose displays of gifts or affection for fear of losing their partner. This behavior objectifies the betrayed as something to be kept or won, and can often feel manipulative, self-serving and insincere. In today’s episode we discuss ho...

Grab your FREE ticket to the online Betrayal Healing Conference April 10th-14th! I'll be one of the 25 speakers  https://gsteurer--betrayalhealing.thrivecart.com/all-access-pass/ Even though our focus on this podcast is helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of betrayal, we feel it's important to understand and support the behind-the-scenes efforts of groups who are protecting t...