From Crisis to Connection - with Geoff & Jody Steurer

One of the biggest casualties men experience, often when they are boys, is getting separated from their own hearts and living life on autopilot. Addictions, trauma, abandonment, and other challenges can create more separation and make it difficult for men to feel alive and energized. It can also make it difficult to connect to themselves, to God, and their most important relationships. We invited...

Communication in a marriage or committed relationship isn't always easy, especially in the aftermath of betrayal. We've invited fellow therapist Nathaniel Gustafson to teach us more about the four levels of communication and how to improve your ability to build a stronger connection. We make a special emphasis on how this can help men, who are often socialized to avoid anything emotional, deepen t...

We've invited Julia Witt to join us for a great discussion on transactional versus transformational relationships. Geoff discovered Julia when someone sent him a Tik Tok video of her discussing this topic. He knew he had to invite her to share more with our community. Transactional relationship dynamics are so common, especially in couples healing from broken trust. So many guys who are trying to...

In this episode we are joined by Jason Portnoy, who wrote a memoir called “Silicon Valley Porn Star”. Jason shares his personal journey of addiction, infidelity, and self-discovery. We discuss the importance of surrendering and taking responsibility for unhealthy patterns in order to heal, grow, and overcome addiction. As with any personal recovery story, please recognize that comparisons and crit...

In this episode we discuss the topic of rebuilding trust and healing from betrayal. The concepts of 'worthiness' and 'trust' often get confused, and it is extremely important to maintain a clear distinction. 'Worthiness' is someone's inherent human value, which is unchangeable regardless of their actions, while 'trust' is about behavior patterns, competencies, values, and is earned by consistency...

When we have injuries, losses, disappointments, betrayals, and other painful things happen in our marriages, healing rituals are a way we can mark that things are different. We use rituals all the time to symbolically mark changes in our lives, such as graduation ceremonies, funerals, weddings, birthdays, baptisms, etc. We live in a world of symbols and meaning and we can use these things to help...

When you're healing from betrayal trauma, it's completely normal to still wonder how to keep the relationship alive. If you're completely done with the relationship, then this video isn't for you. However, if you are working toward relationship recovery or you think you want to move toward that as a goal, join in this discussion I had with KayLee Dunn during her "Love You Now" betrayal trauma summ...

Most couples never imagine they could find themselves in the crisis of an extramarital affair. The slope is slippery and every couple is at risk for infidelity issues unless they have intentionality and boundaries around their marriage.  We are joined in this episode by Shannon Brown , a licensed marriage and family therapist, who specializes in affair recovery. We discuss the risk factors co...

In this episode we are wrapping up our 4-part series and focusing on spiritual intimacy. Join us as we not only discuss deepening spiritual intimacy when both individuals are on the same page, but as we explore the challenges that arise when couples have different beliefs, or when one person’s beliefs shift. These changes can feel threatening to the relationship, but we will dive into the importan...

In this episode we continue the discussion on intimacy, this time focusing on intellectual intimacy. Intellectual intimacy is the sharing of ideas, perspectives, and opinions, possibly challenging others’ beliefs, while simultaneously being willing to hear and learn someone else’s viewpoints. Join us as we discuss how asynchronous communication can impact intellectual intimacy in relationships, wh...

In today’s episode we continue the discussion on intimacy, this time focusing on emotional intimacy. Sharing your deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears requires safety and vulnerability. Join us as we discuss the importance of emotional intimacy and ways to improve and nurture this in your most valued relationships. The Power of Community in Pornography Recovery : Download Relay and try it out for...

When the term “physical intimacy” is used, do you immediately assume that sexual contact is being inferred? In this episode we discuss the importance of healthy physical intimacy in a relationship and why that doesn’t always mean sex. Join us as we outline the additional benefits of prioritizing platonic touch, physical proximity, and more in relationships. The Power of Community in Pornography Re...

Sometimes betrayed partners struggle to manage the anger resulting from trauma and stay stuck in verbal and emotional abusive patterns toward their partner. For safety and other reasons, it is vital to take important steps toward interrupting and healing these patterns for both partners. In this episode I address a specific question from a viewer who finds herself in this dilemma over a year after...

In this episode, we're going to take a broader look at the history of addiction to better understand how we see this universal human struggle. We're featuring an interview we did with Dr. Carl Erik Fisher from Columbia University and author of the book, "The Urge: Our History of Addiction." Even though Dr. Fisher approaches this topic from the lens of substance abuse, there are parallels for all a...

  The Power of Community in Pornography Recovery : Download Relay and try it out for free, or learn more at Relay's website . Use code GEOFF1 for 15% off!  Broken trust? Download my FREE video series “The First Steps to Rebuilding Trust”   Join my 12-week program, The Trust Building Bootcamp , to heal your broken relationship. Sign up for our FREE weekly newsletter to stay up-to-dat...

Over the many years of helping couples and individuals overcome addiction and betrayal, I’ve noticed it can be extremely difficult for the partner who betrayed trust to be able to confidently live authentically. Coming from a space of hiding, lying, and posing as something or someone they are not, to confronting their true feelings and behaviors can be terrifying for both the betrayer and the betr...

We all have numerous emotions daily and must learn how to identify and use them in our lives. But in today’s society we are often taught that healthy emotional regulation means having no emotion at all. In this episode we discuss how unhealthy emotional regulation can undermine connection and repair, holding us hostage in our relationships, and 4 helpful ways to develop healthy emotional regulatio...

Healing from sexual betrayal in a relationship is not a linear process. Through the ups and downs both individuals may see glimpses of safety and security, while at other times vulnerability and fear. In this episode I address the feelings that can come when it seems like the relationship is healing, yet the feelings of happiness may trigger shame, uncertainty, and cause a backslide in progress. J...

“Holding Space” is a term that is becoming more popular, but can be difficult to define and conceptualize in language. In this episode, we are fortunate to hear from Heather Plett, co-founder of the International Centre for Holding Space. Heather shares her expertise as she expounds on the idea of lessening our reactive responses and supporting what others need in the moment without our personal i...

During the process of recovering from betrayal trauma, couples will often find themselves in a passive or proactive state. In this episode we discuss how those who have betrayed trust are usually playing offense or defense as they work to rebuild trust. While both scenarios may include steps forward and not acting out anymore, both vary widely on the impact they have on the betrayed partner and th...

In the aftermath of a betrayal, there is a delicate balance between forgiveness and trust. Oftentimes trust is expected as quickly as forgiveness, but it is important to understand the differences between the two, and their separate roles. Join us this episode as we break down each action individually and how both will severely impact every relationship. The Power of Community in Pornography Recov...

I was recently asked a question by a client that I wanted to discuss with all of you. She has always considered anger as an emotion that was unhealthy, ungodly, and should be ignored, but as she is dealing with her own betrayal trauma she realized it’s not so easy to bury this kind of anger. Join us as we discuss the importance of anger as an emotion, what it is trying to tell us, and if not addre...

In this episode I am joined by my friend and colleague, Sathiya Sam. Sathiya shares his own journey of addiction and recovery and what he has learned through his own journey and through his time helping other men fully recover from pornography addiction. We discuss the importance of open and honest conversations to lay a foundation of trust and understanding in a relationship, and how that can hel...

Dr. Jacob Hess wrote an article in Public Square magazine that challenged the belief that we should abandon marriage if we're not feeling romantic or loving feelings for our spouse. He said that many of these marriages are not only worth saving, but are completely able to be saved. We invited him to join us on the podcast to talk about his perspective on how most marriages can be healed, even when...

Recently I received a question from a woman whose husband is working to rebuild trust and recover from a pornography addiction. She shared that while he is making steps to change this part of his life, he still uses pornography every couple weeks. Join me in this episode as I share my answer with all of you and dive into a few key components that could be influencing his need to still use pornogra...