Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

Send us Fan Mail For anyone who is trying to grow and change, including those in recovery, willingness is key. If you're willing to make changes, even if you'd don't really want to, that can be enough. Learn how to leverage the power of your willingness into action in this episode. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail I share several tips for how to say no. I also share several scripts - specific words and phrases you can use in various situations to set boundaries with others. These include scripts for saying "no" to friends, family, bosses and clients. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail If you decide that things that happen around you almost always mean something negative, you might be "making things mean things that they don't." In this episode I give a really good example of how I used to do that, and how recovery helped me to seek clarity when I'm unclear, and to challenge my perspective. This has led to an enormous amount of relief in my l...

Send us Fan Mail If you've lived a life of chaos and want that to end, this episode is for you! In it you'll learn how to slowly begin to put some structure in your life. This will give you some predictability and consistency, which is the opposite of chaos. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail When negative thoughts continually run through our minds it's like poison in a well. It's impossible to love yourself when the well of your mind is full of poison. Stopping the negative thoughts helps to purify the well, but there's something else you can do that will speed up the process to purify that well. Learn how to do that on this episode.  ★ Support this pod...

Send us Fan Mail I didn't even know I was a people-pleaser, I thought I was nice. It turns out people-pleasing isn't nice, it's dishonest and manipulative. Ugh! But there's hope! I talk about how I got over my people-pleasing ways and you can too. You can learn to be honest about what you really think and feel, and to communicate directly about those things without manipulating...

Send us Fan Mail We hide by isolating and telling lies. We're afraid to show our flaws. But being flawed is just part of being human. Once you can accept this in yourself, it's easier to accept it in others as well. This episode will help you realize that you're not just flawed, you're flawsome!! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail Everyone wants their relationships to be a safe harbor. To help you achieve that, I borrow nine rules from David J. Lieberman as a way to structure this episode. I then share what I've learned about each rule from my recovery to illustrate them. The rules include showing enthusiasm when greeting the person, being respectful, supportive and appreciative, giving the benefit of...

Send us Fan Mail Control is an issue for people in recovery, and right now it's probably a concern for just about everyone given COVID-19. Covey's model of Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Control is used to give specific examples of how you can take the focus off of the Circle of Concern and put it on the Circle of Control to ease your anxiety. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail There are a number of predictable conditions that lead to trauma. These include unpredictability, immobility, loss of connection, loss of a sense of safety and others. These can be addressed so as to prevent, or reduce the likelihood of a trauma response. I share several strategies here.  ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail Living life on life's terms means being able to accept and face life as it comes, not as you wish it would come. You'll hear about how I made the shift from being pissed off all the time that life, the world and others weren't going the way I wanted, to being able to accept life on LIFE'S terms. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail In this 50th episode, I take more time than usual to answer a variety of listener questions. In addition to grief, depression, unmanageability and boundaries, I address perfectionism, black-and-white thinking and how I became able to make healthier choices. I also reflect on my experience of doing this podcast for a year. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail If you're stuck in negative thought loops, catastrophizing about the future, or burned out and overwhelmed from rescuing others I can help! Rather than creating a new episode this week, I make suggestions for previous episodes that help people deal with the issues they're facing with the COVID-19 pandemic. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail Learning boundaries of self containment means I only share things that are personal with trustworthy people. Boundaries of self protection means I get to decide what I will and will not tolerate. I give examples of each type of boundaries I've set, and I also make the case that boundaries of self containment are also boundaries of self protection. ★ Support this podcast on Pa...

Send us Fan Mail Before recovery, I subconsciously assumed that losing people somehow took something away from me. Now that I'm in recovery and recognize my wholeness, I realize it's just part of life to lose people. Perhaps my sharing will help you deal with losing people from your life. That is my hope. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail Recovery is about making choices in our lives, not living with rigid control. I share a continuum that goes from being in denial and practicing rigid control, to having greater choice when we use discernment. I also share about how victim mentality is related to control since those with victim mentality often don't recognize that they have choices. Having and making choices a...

Send us Fan Mail 12 Step Recovery programs are programs of action. You must take action - whether you believe it will work or not - if you're going to recovery. In this episode I lay out a whole bunch of actions that I've learned in recovery that have led to freedom from addiction, dysfunction, compulsion and obsession.  ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail Have you been repeating the same dysfunctional behaviors over and over and want to stop? This episode will help you by making the distinction between behaviors that are familiar and "comfortable" like a well-worn groove, and those that are comfortable. Comfortable behaviors bring comfort and lead to well-being.  ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail The amends process required by the 12 steps includes changed behavior, not just an apology. This episode helps clarify what kinds of things require amends vs. an apology by also distinguishing between things that harm people vs.  hurt people. You'll get clarity about the difference between "harms" and "hurts" from this episode. You can be harmed by somethi...

Send us Fan Mail The practice of taking a daily inventory is recommended in 12 step recovery, but many people don't do it. I talk about how much it's benefited me - it keeps me from acting out of my defects of character and keeps my ego in check. It also keeps me in the good graces of those around me because I apologize quickly instead of letting things fester. The metaphor I like to use...

Send us Fan Mail People who are undisciplined think there's no way that discipline can equal freedom. It sounds like the opposite of freedom, in fact. This episode will show you how having discipline in certain areas leads to freedom you can't even imagine, especially in regard to the obsession and compulsion that is part of being an addict. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail I describe a couple of situations in my life where I felt trapped and how I got out of them. I'm living proof that it's possible to not only get out of feeling trapped, but to live a life of freedom. You can too! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail I never understood that having integrity had anything to do with being whole, or that being dishonest contributed to my fragmentation. Recovery helped me to integrate my fragmented pieces into one coherent whole, and now I live in my integrity. I am whole. You can be too! Listen in. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Send us Fan Mail The promises of recovery tell us what our lives might look like once we've got some recovery under our belts. In this episode I'll share how the promises of recovery - and more - have come true for me in my life. They can come true for you too! (You are not uniquely flawed). I share how to handle difficult situations, and how to recognize and discard   rigid, distorted t...

Send us Fan Mail This episode will be particularly helpful to those who have beaten themselves up for years, and who think they will never succeed at anything. Many of us suffer from the belief that those who are successful never fail, but the opposite is true - they fail often. They've just gotten good at overcoming their failures, consistently and often. They understand that failure is a ne...