Fit Mind Chats

Last week we polled men on what they wish women knew. This week we polled women on what they wished their partners knew. If you could sit down with hundreds of women and ask them one question—’What’s one thing you wish your partner understood?’—what do you think they’d say? Today, we’re answering that question. Here are some comments we heard I wish they knew: I’m not mad about the dishes; I’m tir...

I remember reading Marie Claire magazine when I was in my teens and 20s. I would read articles with titles like, What Men Really Want, 10 Ways to Turn Someone Off, 6 Things that will drive your man wild. Well, I have to laugh because now what I would tell you all is that if you want to know something like that, the best thing to do is ask. We have heard your suggestions, your outcry for male repre...

Why do people want mental health interventions? Because advice from social media, their cousin, and late-night overthinking wasn’t quite doing the trick. Why should you listen to this podcast? Maybe you are tired of using the same solutions and getting the same problems. Maybe you are looking for relief Maybe what use to work isn’t working anymore Maybe something hurts, stalls, or keeps repeating...

We have compiled a list of our favorite interventions to use in therapy. We often like to describe a problem during our chats and sometimes we forget to give an intervention or how to potentially solve something. Today we want to remedy this and talk about our most used and most effective interventions. As therapists we acknowledge that what sounds very simple is not EASY. There is a big differenc...

Last week we discussed radical honesty and took the challenge of only posting on our social media unfiltered day to day business. Not making posts that misrepresent our lives. Social media feeds into our feelings of shame, embarassment and the need to be accepted/admired. Hence the lying on social media misrepresenting situations, spouses, children to gain acceptance and admiration. We are explori...

Perfectly curated posts from influencers, dream vacations and everyone living their best life. All of it can make you feel like you are missing out on something or are behind the curve of life as you watch other people hit milestones, new jobs, kids, marriage, proposals, fun parties, events and fundraisers and awards. You are not alone, no one really posts those raw moments of despair or disappoin...

I was at a fundraiser in October and a person started talking to me as if they knew me. I have no re-collection of this person. I walk away confused and ask my table who is that? One person answered it was your co-chair from the summer bash in July. It was a completely different human. They had lost 50lbs at least, different hair color, cheek were plumper and smooth forehead. The person I did the...

Shame and guilt often are misunderstood concepts, but something that comes up all the time in therapy. Consider this: when I was maybe 8 years old, I stole a piece of candy from a store. I was with my mom and she saw me chewing on something. She asked if I took it without her paying for it and the look on my face said it all. (Guilty as charged) We marched back into that store and she made me conf...

Your inner child is basically the unpaid intern of your emotional life—overworked, ignored, and occasionally running the whole show. In the last podcast we talked about trauma and reactions. Today we touch on your inner child and reactions. Back to the reactions that do not make sense to the situation. This is a common area in therapy bc it negatively impacts our relationships with others. This is...

I got permission from my client to share an important revelation in her therapy. I will change all identifying information to protect her confidentiality, but the message was an important one to share. This is a client with a history of sexual abuse as a child. She has been working very hard to understand herself because she carries so much shame. She has many roles in her life, mother, wife, frie...

Traditionally, we have linked enabling behavior to addiction. The spouse that sets the drink limits or tries to get rid of any booze they find around the house. They try to control the social events and feel that if they watch them closely enough they can prevent the person from getting “too drunk.” Or the spouse that allows the partner to drink only certain kinds of liquor because that seems to h...

Are you this person or do you have a friend that is a fit. The person that hooks up with an ex that treated them poorly to feel attractive and wanted by another person and needing this attention to feel desirable. They continue the cycle of hooking up with this person and the person is only using them. Or You are or have a friend that bank rolls the relationship to have someone that might not date...

If attachment styles were text messages could you identify a person’s attachment style by their text messages? Which attachment is this? Secure, Avoidant/Dismissive, Disorganized/Fearful/Avoidant, Anxious/Preoccupied Background: you have been talking to a person on a dating app for a week.. Texting each day and feel there is interest. A date is set up with assurance this person will text you detai...

Now it’s my turn in the hot seat. I have no idea what Abbey is going to throw at me, which is exactly what therapy is like. Every hour you meet with someone and you have no idea what they will bring up, what happened in their life, what crisis they may have experienced and you have to be ready for anything. It’s a lot of fun and I’ll tell you that early on in my career, this part of the job contri...

If you have been in a long term monogamous relationship, this chat is for you. If you are in a new relationship, your passion is high and you may have zero desire issues. In the beginning of a relationship, passion is high, intimacy and companionship are low. Over the course of a long term relationship, passion decreases and companionship and intimacy increase. For the couples out there who are st...

Today we are saying the quiet part out loud. In a therapy session our responses are thoughtful, supportive and therapeutic. However, we are human and also have initial thoughts that may not be helpful and need to switch gears and put our therapy hats on. Sarah is going to give me things her clients have said in session and I am going to respond with my initial reaction, therapeutic reaction and ba...

Relationship ambivalence defined by being stuck in a limbo with deciding if you should stay or leave a relationship. If you are a bff or family member looking in on a loved one’s relationship it may appear obvious they should leave. You hear all about the the lying, disrespect, lack of support from their partner and their overall dislike of their partner. You think writing on the wall they should...

Does this sound familiar? My husband and I have been going through a rough patch for the last several years. There is no intimacy, I am not attracted to this person and at times can be repelled. We live together as room mates and sleep in separate bedrooms. I am responsible for the management of the house, child rearing(we are almost empty nesters) and I take care of his every need. I feel done bu...

We spend our childhood trying to fit in Middle school prepared us for many things —mainly the lifelong experience of wondering‘Do these people actually like me?’” In our twenties we are trying to find our people after college when we had friends by proximity Our forties we are friends with our kid’s friends parents or if no kids then people in your group that do not have kids In the 50s/60s/70s lo...

You finally decide to take the leap of faith and find a therapist. You may walk into the session nervous and worried, being vulnerable isn’t easy. You do your best to pick a therapist who’s bio matches you or maybe you got a recommendation from a trusted source. Hoping that this will be a good fit. Maybe you fear that the therapist is actually judging you or worry if they like you. You may wonder,...

Have you ever found yourself doing favors and not realizing they are big favors and the person asking has a history of putting tasks on you but framing it as something you enjoy doing. They make you feel special and like you are a great friend or partner. They play on your ego to get their needs met. You are giving them a free pass and feeling altruistic about it. One day it clicks and you realize...

Sound familiar, write a list of all your contacts does this track? (1 and 6 people are Narcissist) Grandiosity, arrogance, no empathy. They are entitled and more special than anyone else, excessive need for admiration, they do not know what matters to them, they are driven by admiration. Emotionally shallow, self centered, do not notice other people’s experience. They gaslight, emotionally manipul...

Today we are switching gears and doing a case consult. We have been breaking down the over achievers, the over productive but under feelers and today we are going to look at a case of under functioning. The people that are stuck in the freeze and have difficulty motivating. A case of a patient thriving and over achieving to under achieving and doing the bare minimum. Today our case study is an ado...

Parenting these days is challenging, it’s hard. You have a baby and there is no user manual in sight. They let you leave the hospital as long as you have an infant car seat. That’s it. You’re on your own from there. And if you are anything like me, I worry about being a good enough parent. Am I being too hard on my child? Am I not being hard enough? WIll they leave childhood with any discernable s...

The title of the show today is Resentment is my Love Language. We are talking about resentment. What it is? Why do we continue to do things to build resentment? If any of these sound familiar or you can relate today it is your show. When researching this show these were some potential titles. Can you relate to any of these? “How to build resentment in 10 easy favors” Do you say “I’m fine.” when yo...