Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn

Vern loves the new book that Mark Denison has written Recovery Rules because it gives simple one page reminders to help any porn struggler re-orient themselves on a daily basis. In this podcast Vern interviews Mark as they dive into some of these rules (at least the ones that Vern especially loves!) If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gm...

Recovery is a lot more than simply not looking at porn. In fact there can be a sort of psuedo recovery which is really just a form of abstinence or "whiteknuckling it". In this podcast Vern explores the difference between true Recovery (or Serenity) and the type of recovery that leaves you simply trying to "hang on"! If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandof...

Anybody who is in a relationship knows something about resentments. Resentments are especially dangerous because they give us permision or a sense of entitlement to go back to porn. In this podcast Vern explores how we can combat the sort of relational resentments that leave us vulnerable to returning to our life of porn. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: b...

No matter how far down the road you travel - the ditch is still the same distance away! This is a podcast about combatting the complacency or over-confidence that sets us up for failure in our continued journey toward a better life. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more about him or the finding tractio...

At it's core - many of our porn behaviors are an attempt to control everything around us - something which is unhelpful and ultimately fruitless. This is a podcast about recognizing our inner "control freak" and what to do about it. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more about him or the finding tractio...

Hard to believe but there are now over 100 episodes of Finding Traction! In this episode Vern talks about some of the episodes that have elicited the greatest reaction and response. This is a helpful episode if you are new in the podcast and want to try a few episodes to whet your appetite. If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com I...

Building on the stages of recovery from last podcast, Vern talks about specific markers or signposts for each of these three stages that can help us determine if we are progressing down the road toward a better life. Welcome aboard. If you want to connect with Vern directly - you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more about him or the finding tract...

When you look at recovery from a higher altitude, you see that there are really different stages we go through. Using the analogy of fixing your car, Vern talks about 3 distinct stages of recovery - 1. Breaking the Habit 2. Looking at the Underlying Issues and 3. Recalibating our Sexuality. If you want to connect with Vern directly you can contact him at... email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If...

There is a new kind of internet activity which is even more problematic than the traditional forms of "surfing the net" In this episode Vern explores this new form of problematic behavior and why men are finding it so ensnaring. If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out...

Is it possible to over-spiritualize our struggle with porn? In this episode Vern explores some of the ways that "spiritualizing" the issue can actually get in the way of our recovery. If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more ab...

The term "betrayal trauma" is applied as a catch-all term to describe how wives view their husbands internet behavior. Is this term helpful? Does it apply to every situation. In this episode Vern pushes back on the trauma model as a "one size fits all" approach to every couple. If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bando...

Do we need to see ourself or call ourself a sex addict (or porn addict) if we are going to find recovery? In this episode Vern approaches some of the ways we see or define ourselfs and pushes back on some of the rigidity that certain approaches employ in helping the porn struggler. If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: b...

Porn recovery is a marathon not a sprint - and if you are going to run the marathon you are going to need lots of hope! In this episode Vern invites his fellow recovery coach Matt Dobscheutz to talk about holding onto hope for the long haul If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want t...

This week we interview two young men, Cody and Mack, who are coming out of their 20's, are looking back at the struggles they had, and sharing how they have managed to push "Play" on restarting their growth and development as young men. If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to ch...

If you are nearing the end of high school, or in your 20's (or know someone who is) this podcast is for you? There is a massive change that is happening with young people that is causing an entire generation of men to sleep walk through their late teens and 20's. This podcast explores how to push the play on your life (rather than living an entire decade on pause). If you want to connect with Vern...

In poker, a tell is how to read someone as to what cards they are holding. Is there a way to spot our tell that we are leaving a place of safety and moving toward acting out? Using the metaphor of a stopwatch, in this episode Vern explores how to become self aware that we have been sexually triggered and need to take immediate corrective action or our "ticking clock" will inevitably lead us back d...

It is no surprise that self care is often the first thing to go when we habitually engage in porn behaviors. There is no more important self care activity you can practise than... (well you will need to listen to the podcast!) If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out mo...

How is watching porn similar to consuming white sugar? On this episode Vern (who certainly isn't known for healthy eating) explores the interesting parallels between the effects of porn and sugar! If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more porn recovery resources or...

It is quite common for Vern to hear from a guy who emails him with a frantic - "I need help NOW" regarding their porn struggle. Yet a funny thing happens. Vern replies to the email and hears nothing back - apparently the emergency has passed. In this episode Vern explores a number of ways that people "false start" their recovery from problematic porn use. If you want to connect with Vern directly...

Most everything we want in life comes with a cost. The same holds true of recovery. In this episode Vern explores some of the ways that recovery will invoice you - invoices worth paying! If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more...

Is it possible to speed up your recovery? In this episode Vern explores some of the ways you can accelerate your recovery (or at least keep it on track!) If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the 52 Week Video course F...

How long will my porn recovery take. Well it depends. In this episode Vern explores some of the way that you can actually slow down your recovery -- causing it to take much longer than it needs to! If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more porn recovery resources or...

These days there is a lot of talk about AI and Chat GPT - Vern thought it would be fun to ask Chat GPT what it thought about the effects of porn. The results may surprise you! If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If you want to check out more porn recovery resources or learn more about the...

All relapses are not the same. In fact there are two different types of relapses If you are going to be successful in your recovery you need to understand the two different ways you get set up for relapse and how each scenario requires a different preventative plan. If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.ca...

Have you heard about the 20 second rule? This fascinating insight I picked up can play a huge role in increasing the chances of you doing a desired behavior and decreasing the chances of you avoiding an undesired behavior (like porn) Check it out... If you want to connect with Vern directly (and you know he loves to connect with guys!) you can email him at email: bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com If y...