Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

If you want a woman to fully surrender to you, you've got to inspire deep trust in her. This includes sexually -- a woman who deeply trusts her man is infinitely more likely to open up when it comes to sex. And most men want to be trusted. They want to be satisfying to their partner sexually, emotionally, and physically. They want their partner to feel safe with them. Trust is the basis of saf...

Shadow work is popular in the personal growth community, and for good reason — it can be deeply transformational. Many people report deeper and more lasting shifts with shadow work than with years of talk therapy. But what’s talked about less often is how sexy shadow work can make you. As a woman who has sex with men, I can attest to this — a man who does real shadow work is hot. Period. Here, Jas...

In our work with men who have sex with women, we've noticed a few distinct categories. There are three specific archetypes of men we see most commonly, and here we outline their patterns. We do this in part because I want to reveal the deep yearning on the part of a lot of women who relate with men romantically. While the themes discussed in this episode are relayed in the frame of men who rel...

Want a woman to feel deeply, profoundly, extraordinarily safe with you? Able to surrender fully, relaxing all the way into your arms, allowing her body to open to you in ways you never knew were possible? Then you need to know about this. Whether you're dating or in a long-term committed relationship, there's an underlying fear that, according to Violet, who has worked with hundreds of wom...

How did you learn to be a man? From whom did you learn, and what did they impart? More importantly, if this isn't how you want to be now, how you grow beyond what you learned? We learn how to be who we are from our parents and other caregivers. If you grew up with men who were absent, alcoholics, abusive, or just not emotionally attuned, then there are gaps in your knowledge. Here we talk abou...

Do you know you have trauma stuck in your body, but you're not sure how to move it? Perhaps you're aware that your issues are in your tissues, but you don't know what to do about it. If anyone knows what it's like to feel stuck around sex, dating, and relationships, it's Jason. He was a late bloomer, self-proclaimed Nice Guy, and didn't feel successful with women for a long...

If you want a thriving, connected sex life with your partner, but feel like something's in the way ... it could be sexual trauma. The fact is, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are survivors of child sexual abuse. To put that in perspective, that's 42 million women and 21 million men in the US alone. The bad news? We don't talk about this nearly enough, so it can feel overwhelming and scary...

Was your family skilled at teaching you about sex? Was your school, or your religious community? HA. I'm guessing not. Many families of origin suck at talking about sex, dating, and relationships. And whether you grew up in a religious house or not, sex education tends to also be subpar, especially when it comes to teaching about sexual communication. How do you ask a partner for what you real...

Has your woman ever been in her masculine, and you wished she was in her feminine? Here's something that doesn't work: "Hey, could you drop into your feminine already?" ;) So how do you polarize your woman well? Polarity is one of those mysteries in life like electricity: We don't fully grasp why it works, but we can harness its power to make our lives better. I love polarity w...

Ever have trouble concentrating, or beat yourself up for not getting more done? Do you give yourself a hard time for watching porn & masturbating? Wonder why you just can't kick that habit you know is unhealthy (smoking weed, playing video games, drinking alcohol, etc.)? All of this is related to loneliness. Whether you live alone and work from home, are single and dating and longing for r...

"I just can't make up my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm settling, and that makes me sad. Sometimes I feel blessed to have someone as amazing as this woman who wants to be with me. The question I have is, if I'm having doubts or feelings that I might be settling, does that mean she's not The One? Or is it normal to have these feelings sometimes?" If you've ever wondered...

A lot of the men we work with don't want to be That Guy. The guy who's creepy or pervy or weird. The guy who makes women feel unsafe, whether on a date or in a relationship. But how do you figure out how to get consent while still maintaining your masculine core? Is it uncool to ask for permission to kiss her? (Spoiler alert: No.) And how does consent work on a porn set? Porn stars still n...

All of the men we work with, whether married, dating, or single, want women to feel safe with them. It's important to them that women trust them -- that women feel secure around them (even if that's "just" on a dating app). And women don't tend to feel deeply safe unless they feel claimed. In one woman's words: “When a man doesn’t claim me, I feel anxious and stressed and f...

Relate to any of the following dating and relationship questions? In dating, I tend to get attached/excited about someone fast, and then really disappointed when it doesn’t work out. How do I lessen the intensity of this? (This includes if you've just been messaging with someone on a dating app like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid, etc. and you thought it'd go somewhere but then it didn&#39...

If you've ever been concerned about erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation and looked at male-bodied porn stars with envy, here's a fun fact: Close to 100% of male-bodied porn stars use Viagra/Cialis/other sexual performance enhancement drugs in order to perform on set. That's not the only thing that might surprise you about sex, love, dating, and the behind-the-scenes truth abo...

When a woman is going through a tough time (especially for an extended period of time), it can be easy to fall into a codependent dynamic. When she relies heavily on you to help her feel better, this can be taxing on your nervous system. And nobody wants codependence! How do you stay steady when things like financial stress, fertility issues, job concerns, or hard family dynamics cause a wife, gir...

Oral sex can be super hot. In fact, some people consider it even more intimate than intercourse. As one writer put it, "Sexual intercourse is mostly selfish. Sure, you want the other person to get off, but your own orgasm is your first priority. But giving head is, at the core, a selfless act." Speaking of orgasm, 70%+ of women who have sex with men don't tend to cum through intercours...

Let's say you're doing the work, and meet someone else who's doing the work. Now you're in a conscious relationship! Mazel tov! Now what do you need to know about sex, love, relating, and how it all connects? When you've got two people who are growing, you've got tremendous potential. You've also got some other stuff. ;) Allana has 20 years of helping both singles and c...

Sex is part of life, and major life events affect our sex lives. Here are just a few things you might've wondered about in the course of your own sex life: How do I overcome erectile dysfunction without drugs? (like Viagra or Cialis) What do I do if she's less into sex than me? (a difference in libido, which sometimes involves an arousal disorder) My wife had a baby and now intercourse hur...

Trauma recovery might not seem like the sexiest topic, but you guys, it is . When it comes to to having healthy, passionate, connected sex, dating, and love relationships, it's everything! You may have become aware (through, perhaps, this podcast) that you've likely got some childhood neglect or other kind of trauma background, and you may be wondering whether that's ever resolvable. T...

"I'm a comedian, and now I’m an accidental matchmaker!" So says Alli, self-proclaimed theater geek and creator of Love Isn’t Blind — a new dating show where 4 men compete for 1 woman, and the men can’t speak. She's also the creator of the dating show where celebrities read your breakup texts. What's especially interesting is that as someone reading hundreds of applications to h...

One of the most inspiring things we've seen in our work with men is the rejuvenation of relationships. We've seen clients in long-term, committed relationships that felt flat, off, or just not exciting ... become vibrant and vivid again. We've seen couples get hot sex back! (often better than ever). We've seen closeness and intimacy be reestablished, often more intensely than had e...

Ever experienced the relationship pattern where she essentially says, "I was hurt by this thing you did," or, "I need you to love me better/differently" — and then you feel like you've failed, pull away, and maybe even have the desire to just stop trying altogether? Whether you're in a dating relationship or a long-term, committed relationship like a marriage, this is a ver...

Curious about sexting, or how to bring it up/do it in the context of a new dating relationship? Maybe it's an edge you'd like to push, or maybe you're not even sure what it really is . (Hint: it can also spice up your marriage/long-term committed relationship.) Dr. Tara grew up in sexually conservative Thailand, and went through her own sexual awakening over the course of years. Here w...

Real talk: Dating can be hard! So many of us long to connect with one another, but the process can feel ... challenging. Whether you're contending with approach anxiety, not knowing what to text or when to call, when to ask her on an actual date (should you get to know her first via the text thread?), or how to gracefully handle rejection or ghosting ... it's a lot. And straight men on dat...