Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

How much does a woman's sexual satisfaction depend on the size, shape, or other physical details of your cock? According to research out of the UK, this question is on the hearts of a lot of men. To quote this study: "Men showed significant dissatisfaction with penile size, despite perceiving themselves to be of average size." In other words, it's common, if you're a man, to wo...

Do you want to establish a new, healthier habit, but so far you just ... haven't? For example: eat more veggies; exercise; have a meditation practice; be bolder with women/your woman; or a big one: cease watching porn . According to a meta-analysis on this exact questions, intentions only account for ~30% of whether someone actually changes behavior — meaning you can be fully committed and cle...

When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, what is AI good for? And where can it potentially cause damage? Here, Jason and I go point-for-point — one way AI can support your love life, one way it can harm it — and get into the nuances most people aren't talking about. We cover what AI is actually good for: crafting the message you can feel but can't quite say; getting unstuck when yo...

"Is this in my head, or is this real?" Millions of women ask themselves this question -- about their sleep, their mood, their body suddenly working differently than it used to. They can't tell if they can't sleep as well as they used to because they've got two young children ... or whether it's perimenopause. If you want to be an awesome partner (either now or in the future...

A 2022 dating survey showed that a whopping 69% of American men say that fear of being labeled "creepy" impacts how they interact with women. And 44% said it diminishes how much they interact with women at all, romantically or otherwise. In other words, the fear of being creepy can hold you back from all connection with women , not just in the realm of dating/relationships. But let's t...

Who doesn't have trust issues? Let's be real. Whether it shows up as "I don't trust her to handle my anger," or "I'm afraid I'll just be treated like an ATM" or, "I can't relax until I know the person really, really well," — almost all of carry some version of trust concerns into our dating and relationships. Here, my dear friend and co-facilitator V...

You love your partner. You're committed. But the sex has slowed to a trickle — once a month, once every six months, maybe not in years — and you're starting to wonder: "Is this just what long-term partnership is?" No -- it doesn't have to be. Unfortunately, if this is happening and you're feeling lonely in your marriage, you're not alone. And it can be hard to know what...

Ever been told you're a "great guy!" but she's "just not feeling it"? Or felt like you're endlessly chasing women but never being pursued yourself? Here, we dig into what's actually happening when women consistently report not feeling attracted to you -- and what you can do about it. The truth is, attraction only has a little to do with what you look like physically...

You know the feeling. You've been holding a vision — for the partner, the family, the sex life you actually want — for months. Maybe years. Maybe decades. And it's still not here. And underneath the longing, there's a quieter, scarier question: Is there something wrong with me that it hasn't happened yet? Here, my dear friend and co-facilitator Violet Lang and I have an honest conv...

She used to want it. Now she doesn't. And you're not sure if it's you, the kids, the stress — or something that's quietly shifted inside her. A lot of the time, it's her hormones. Specifically, perimenopause or menopause. Here's what most people don't know: perimenopause doesn't start at 45 years old. Dr. Debra Durst — an MD who left traditional medicine to speciali...

It’s one of the top questions in Dr. Kelly’s men’s health practice.  And it’s not just coming from older men — it’s guys in their 20s and 30s. We're talking 27-year-old chiseled Marine sergeants walking in saying, "I can't get motivated. I rarely wake up with erections anymore. I haven't had sex with my girlfriend in two weeks." And their buddies are reporting the same thing. I...

You know the moment. She comes at you with heat — frustrated, hurt, disappointed, or just a lot — and something inside you freezes. Maybe you start minimizing her experience ("It's not that bad"; "You're exaggerating"). Or you lawyer up ("Well but you also said ____" or "That's not what I meant; if you'd just listen while I explained..."). Or you loo...

Has it always been clear to you where you fit into the world? -- what your purpose is, what you contribute, what your "worth" or "value" is, as a man. If so, you're in the minority these days. A modern young man has no official initiation into adulthood -- no rite of passage. So he often ends up "adrift on a sea of shame," as story weaver and healthy masculinity educato...

Ever felt like there's something blocking you in love — something you can't quite name, but keeps showing up? Maybe you've got anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment traits, or you've sacrificed your needs for others or struggled to own your sexual attraction. It's easy to feel like our issues in our sex or loves lives are all our fault, and all ours to fix. But what if...

Globally, hundreds of millions of men contend with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. One 2021 US national survey found an overall ED prevalence rate in men of around 24% — that’s nearly one in four. But even in men’s work spaces (men’s groups, retreats, etc.), one rarely hears these topics discussed. Why? In a word: shame . Here, Luke and I debrief our recent co...

Do you ever wish you were more grounded, had stronger boundaries, felt more clear and aligned in your purpose, and could powerfully ask for what you want and need? If so, then you might resonate with Nice Guy Synrdome, and you probably want stronger YANG energy (as opposed to YIN energy). Here, Luke breaks down the mind-body connection through the lens of traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). explai...

The kids are almost out of the house. And there's this quiet, low-grade dread that when they go … you'll both be left staring across the table at someone you believe you love but barely know anymore. That dread is well-founded. Couples are 40% more likely to divorce after kids leave home. Divorce rates for Americans over 55 have doubled since 1990. And roughly half of all divorces now happ...

Have you been through some sh*t? Or maybe you’re in it now. If you feel stuck, or that there’s stagnant energy in your system that needs some unblocking, Breathwork can be a way of getting MOVING. It can help you to finally let go. Perhaps you’re not getting what you want in sex and intimacy, or maybe you just feel empty a lot of the time and don’t know what to do about it. Or maybe you could writ...

Ever felt obligated to "take the next step" in a relationship -- for example, becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting married, buying a house, having children, etc.? Was it what you really wanted, or was it just what your partner or others thought you should be doing at that point? Millions of people quietly make alternative life choices and relationship choices -- but we rarely ta...

“A common pattern we see is that the sex has dried up.” In millions of marriages around the globe, one partner is starving for intimacy, and the other feels confused, frightened, frozen, or all three. The sexually guarded partner doesn't know how to open, and their partner feels stuck, unhappy and alone. So what can they do? Here we explore exactly that, with a focus on a woman partner who may...

Have you ever felt like you've done everything right — therapy, journaling, the inner work — and yet you were still kind of... stuck? Like you intellectually understood your pain but couldn't actually move it? That's where Sara found herself after a 10-year marriage ended; a year of talk therapy later, she still wasn't where she wanted to be. She felt alone in a battle with the voi...

Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something “wrong,” and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you’ll likely resonate with this ep...

Do you ever find yourself minimizing your own needs, and/or feeling responsible for others' emotions? Do you tend to stay quiet to keep the peace, or freeze during conflict? Have you ever struggled with boundaries or wondered why standing up for yourself feels so hard? Here we explore a family dynamic that can be just as damaging for what doesn’t happen as for what does. If there was a volatil...

“This is not something I ever thought I would do.” So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay. “As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship. His is a uniqu...

“The gym can be a very scary place.” Ever been intimidated by the idea of working out -- and in particular, lifting weights? Then you're in very good company. Fortunately, as fitness expert Mike Bledsoe puts it, "95% of people in the gym are also insecure." Here we delve right into both the insecurity (and how to overcome it), as well as why Bledsoe, who has trained professional athlet...