Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Have you ever been concerned about getting involved with a woman because you didn't want to hurt her feelings if it didn't work out? Ever felt like you shouldn't go deeper emotionally with a woman you were dating because you weren't sure you wanted to put a ring on it? Does it ever feel like all women want a long-term, committed relationship, so if you're not available for that...

If you’ve become aware that you experienced developmental trauma (and/or attachment wounding), you may wonder how to heal from it. Where do you go to move through stuck parts of yourself that are holding you back? How do you get things moving and release blocks so you can finally get what you want in sex, dating, and relationships? Jason was a self-proclaimed late bloomer Nice Guy with development...

Ever felt like when it comes to your relationship, you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or that when you come home, you don't know what (or who) you're going to get? Or that every moment is, "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?" Reality check: It is not normal to be constantly on guard or anxious in your relationship . That kind of chroni...

Ever wanted to explore role-play in sex? If so, you're not alone! According to research, one in three people in North America alone wants to try some kind of role-play in the bedroom, whether that's doctor/patient, professor/student, cop/detainee, pirate/wench or some other sexy dynamic. Why is sexual role-play so intriguing? Is it different from kink/BDSM? How do you bring it up in a fun...

"It felt kind of like a trap, but at the same time felt like a soothing warm blanket to feel safe and ruminate within." "The codependent relationship is filled with drama. There is blaming, a victim and the rescuer/protector. That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me." "It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but neve...

Did you have a deeply present, emotionally aware father who took the time to attune to you and teach you how to be a trustworthy, integrated man? If so, you're in the minority. ;) Most of our clients had far-less-than-ideal role models when it came to the masculine -- which makes becoming a trustable adult man challenging. For example, do you feel equipped to lead hard conversations with your...

There's a lot out there about Nice Guy Syndrome. But what happens after? What is the magical land of Boundaries, for example? If you’ve figured out you’re a Nice Guy, you’ve likely been in a love relationship or two (or five) where you felt like your partner walked all over you, or where you developed resentment after overextending yourself. Or perhaps you've consistently felt used in your...

Ever contended with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ADHD, or OCD ... and had that affect your sex or love life? Ever suspected that you have generational trauma, or thought you were broken? Ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you just can't seem to get it together when it comes to relationships? Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not broken. So...

"I took responsibility for things that wasn’t mine to take." So begins the brave stories of four men who share their personal experiences of what it was like being in relationship with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (or with traits of it). If you've ever been unsure about whether your partner may have traits of BPD, this is a good one to listen to. For example, ever felt...

Have you ever felt like you needed to make a lot of money to impress women? Ever had a dynamic shift around money in a relationship, and not known how to deal with it (for example, she starts making more than you, and you have unexpected feelings about that)? Have you wondered who should pay on a date (do you offer to? Is that considered sexist now?) If you've wanted to be a fly on the wall an...

Ever chased emotionally unavailable women? Ever dropped a connection because you felt overwhelmed, or like something was "off" but you couldn't quite name what it was? Ever been uncomfortable with the "mess" of dealing with someone else's emotions, or been hesitant to share your own out of a fear of rocking the boat? Then this episode will resonate. Here we talk directly ab...

Sexy time, pickers, and dating, oh my! Here I answer the following three common client or listener questions: "I’ve heard women say it’s a red flag if the man has not had relationship experience. What do you say?"  "One issue I've had is selecting the right female partner. What is a good way to guide myself to go about doing this?" (My picker is off) "How do I initiate sex...

When is it time to stay and work on things in your marriage, and when is it time to let things go? Perhaps you can relate to scenarios like these: You're worn out and exhausted because you're always the one reaching out to your wife and never getting anything back You're great co-parents but your sex life is DOA As a couple you rarely or never openly fight, but there's constant, un...

If your marriage isn't working, you're suffering. Maybe you're fighting all the time (whether aloud or not). Maybe you're great co-parents, but you don't connect in an intimate way anymore. And when I say "intimate" I'm not just talking about sex; I'm talking about warmth, closeness, and connection. Should you automatically stay in a relationship because there a...

Have you ever been scared of your wife / woman partner? Ever been harmed by her? If yes, it's likely you never felt like you could talk to anyone about it because you were afraid of what they would say, or whether they would shame you. In polarity work, we often talk about feminine storm. But where's the line between feminine storm, feminine rage, and abuse? We want to break the silence an...

"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??" So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’" The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't g...

Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day. The truth is, it's deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you're bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists: "For a long time I thought, 'What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?'&#34...

"Needing space within a love relationship is crucial for maintaining my identity ... It’s not merely about taking a break; it’s about preserving a sense of self that can slowly wither in the absence of such space." So says one of our clients, eloquently speaking to the need and also the cost of not getting space when it's required. Here we discuss both sides of the need for space -- wh...

When you were a boy, did you feel comfortable being your full self? Did you feel at ease around becoming a man -- like you knew what that meant and smoothly moved into that identity? We live in a world where boys and young men often feel like it's not safe to be themselves, and where it can be confusing to grow into manhood. According to Nat Damon, who runs Reach Academy for Young Men, "wh...

What if you could read about the sex that affected someone so profoundly they were never the same? What if you wrote about the sex that changed you in that way? If you're turned on by audio porn, ASMR, or sexy stories (either reading them or them being read to you), you're not alone. While we seem to be fixated on men being obsessed with visual porn, according to research nearly one in thr...

"As men, it often feels like we should just know how to succeed in a relationship, how to be great in bed, how to be successful in life, all under the counterintuitive expectation that we figure it all out on our own and never ask for help." Part of our my intention with this podcast is to help men succeed in sex, dating, and relationships with women. And a large part of the gap that I see...

A lot of our clients crave more intimacy or closeness with their wife/relationship partner. Often this includes a longing, or a sense of something missing. As Lucas, our guest here, put it, "The feeling I recall most strongly was a sense of loneliness." Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship? If you’ve wished you and your partner were closer, or yearned for a breakthrough but didn’...

Would you ever consider using a matchmaker? In a world of dating apps (and let's be real -- those are rough for a LOT of people!), not to mention a whole lotta ghosting, matchmaking is an appealing notion for many. Plus, matchmakers play a unique role in that they speak to both parties, before and after dates. They're able, therefore, to give people honest feedback about how they're co...

This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed. But this isn't just about finding the clit. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a wo...

Polarity can help you have a hot sex & dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. And like many things in life, it's not a perfect concept; there are issues with it. "In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?" I posed these questions to our clients in an effort...