Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Today is a big day at my company, Radiant Abilities, because we’re taking a deeper dive into our mission of helping “move the needle” on people with disabilities being seen as dating and relationship partners.  As I have mentioned previously on past shows, we spent most of last year researching what people with disabilities were experiencing when it came to dating. Here are some highlights we...

Before we begin, I want to invite you to a free workshop next week. We’re actually offering two. The first is for people wanting to date, called Three Essentials to Make Dating Easier. In this workshop, you’ll learn how to take overwhelm and frustration out of dating. You’ll learn how to do this by focusing on increasing your dating self esteem, having a dating plan, and follow through. The worksh...

Did you know that January 8, which was just two days ago if you’re listening live to this podcast, is the “best” day of the year to be doing online dating? The theory behind this is its due to the combination of New Year’s resolutions and the large number of post holiday break ups that drive people to online dating sites. Apparently, right about now is an optimal time to be online dating because t...

This is going to be a slightly different episode today. Usually most of the episodes are geared toward people with disabilities and providing dating advice and strategies. Today, I want to turn the attention to professionals who work in disability services, whether you’re a special educator, program coordinator, direct service provider, or executive director. My mission and the mission of my compa...

We're going to make dating easier in 2023!  Coming in late January, Dating Made Easier, a monthly membership that will teach you dating and relationship skills that will transform you and your dating journey in the following areas: Increase Dating Self  Esteem  - Learn how to identify your unique Power to Attract the dating experiences and relationships you want. Grow Your Confidenc...

There are a lot of hard parts of dating - having the courage to put yourself out there, facing the possibility of rejection, getting hurt, having difficult conversations, and the list can go on and on. Sometimes it certainly may not feel worth it, but it is, especially if you want to share your life with someone. Today I want to talk about a dating difficulty that wasn’t on that brief list - putti...

How can we change society to accommodate disability? I was recently at a conference in which this was asked of the audience in a workshop on presuming competence and ableism.  It got me thinking what if we were to substitute the word society with dating? How can we change dating to accommodate disability? That question in itself may be the rest of my life’s work. It’s huge. It’s the answer to...

Today I want to flip the script a little. Normally I’m encouraging people who are out there dating and meeting people to focus on yourself, your thoughts, your behaviors, and what you want. All of those things you should definitely do. But sometimes it helps to just consider what your dates or people you want to be your dates are thinking. Remember, a thought doesn’t make anything real. This actua...

Ableism is a system of false beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in society and can be quite hurtful and damaging to your self-esteem and confidence. The good news is that you don't need to buy into ableism. Yes, it's out there but it doesn't need to define you. To feel more empowered over the effects of ableism, let's first look at how it has affected you.  What are so...

If you’re someone out there trying to date or even wanting to date and maybe you’re not yet seeing the results you want, it may be challenging to feel grateful for the dating process. When you’re feeling lonely, isolated, and not receiving the attention you are so craving from others, being grateful may very well be the last thing you want to feel. But it could be so helpful. Hear me out on this....

Are you someone who has difficulty dating because of others in your life not being receptive to the idea of you dating? I continue to hear about this happening. The supports in someone’s life are just not open to the idea of dating. They say no, you can’t date, even though they have no authority to do this. Keep in mind, in most states, even legal guardianship, doesn’t give someone the authority t...

One of the most significant barriers I have found in both working with people with disabilities on dating and relationships, as well as counseling people is how to undo a negative belief. It can be real hard to do so, especially when you had others give you negative messages, reacted negatively to you, or you haven’t received the results you have wanted in your dating pursuits.  Just to expla...

The most common questions people ask when wanting to date is how do I meet people. I certainly wondered about this when I was single. Most of my friends were married and by the time I was in my 30s, I really didn’t want to hang out in a bar. So how do you meet people?  I have some ideas. As with much of what I recommend, it involves strategies and you’ll need to actually do it. Familiarity Fa...

Chris Johnson describes himself as a 42-year-old man in a wheelchair with Cerebral Palsy,  He says, "My experience with dating and relationships amounts to a series of unrequited crushes throughout my adolescence and adulthood. I’ve never been on a date or had a girlfriend. In the past two years or so, I’ve really grown emotionally and spiritually, and I feel ready to enter a committed romant...

This may sound in opposition to what I normally talk about when it comes to dating and relationships. If you’re having fear and doubt about yourself in the dating and relationship, that can actually be a good sign. And you’re saying, “Wait a minute, don’t you preach self esteem and confidence when dating and in relationships?” Yes, I do, but having good self esteem and confidence doesn’t mean you’...

If you’re listening to this around the time that it’s published, we’re newly into the last quarter of the year. It seems every year, although we know October, November and December come every year, we are surprised by its arrival. Did you have plans and goals for yourself this year, maybe around dating and relationships? Was this going to be the year that things finally changed and you met someone...

We're talking about the effects of ableism on intimate relationships. We're talking with my colleague at Radiant Abilities, Alexa Strickland. Alexa is a Mental Health Counselor and Trainer who has researched ableism, sexuality, and intimate relationships. In Alexa's research, The Effects of Ableism on People With Disabilities in Intimate Relationships,   the premise was “the purpose of this s...

I want to give you a little context because I realize I often refer to “when I was single,” when talking about when I was on the path of trying to date with a disability. I did not meet my husband until just before I turned 39 and we were married two years later. I consider adulthood beginning at 18, so I was single and trying to date successfully for a good 20 years. Twenty years. That’s a long t...

I want to thank the listeners who have already volunteered for the research interviews my colleague, Alexa, and I are doing. We have gotten such amazing insights and information already. If you would be willing to give us 30 minutes to interview you for some research, and yes, you can be sure it will include dating and relationships, sign up here for Kathy and here for Alexa . Now, I have a questi...

I often get messages on social media like this: I’m looking for a disabled woman who wants marriage. Do you know of any honest matchmakers? While my heart goes out to people who have the vulnerability to ask this, I also cringe when I get asked this because I suspect that when someone asks about matchmaking, they are doubting their own ability to attract someone to themselves. Now, before you say,...

Click this link to schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedule at a time that’s convenient for you. One of my biggest goals is to “move the needle on people with disabilities being seen as dating and relationship partners.” What I mean by that is I want to help not only people with disabilities see and own their worth, ability to attract, and what they offe...

Sometimes our own beliefs can be the biggest stumbling blocks to our dating and relationship success. Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads. My friend, Patrick McMullan, is back talking about his experience dating as a man with Cerebral Palsy. Patrick talks about how he did NOT tell his wife about his disability before their first date and why he chose not to tell her. He talks about how...

I've been wanting for a while to do a podcast from the male perspective of someone dating with a disability. Today I have another special guest, a friend of mine for over 30 years, Patrick McMullen.  Patrick and I first met as college freshman. Both of us have CP, but until then, knew very few other peers with disabilities. We talk about how growing up as one of five kids allowed him to be&nb...

Whitney Bailey is on a mission to educate society while advocating for the needs of the disabled community and motivating others to maximize their potential. Whitney was born with cerebral palsy. She is a podcast host of Spastic Chatter, a platform meant to feature those in the cerebral palsy community. She gets together with individuals who have CP to have an uncensored chat about what it’s like...

Today we're continuing our conversation with  Shirley Paceley, author of SHINING A LIGHT: Creating Pathways to Equity, Safety, Healing, and Justice With People with Disabilities .  See last week's episode for the first part of our conversation. One of my favorite parts of the book is a project Shirley shares about the Dare to Dream project. I feel strongly we need to do much more with pe...