Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction

The idea of being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel overwhelming. After all, a “personality disorder” is a serious thing… But what if people slinging this diagnosis have been wrong the whole time? What if there was different a way to understand why someone engages in destructive behaviors? In this episode, I do a deep dive in unpacking narcissism and why this label usually makes it hard...

Safety is necessary in order for relationships to be repaired after pornography use. Many women default to using an emotional wall to keep themselves safe after they discover their husband's pornography use. You've all heard about and have tried the tools – journaling, meditation, prayer, reading, etc. But what if you try those things and you don't actually feel any better? What if you're not maki...

Safety is necessary in order for relationships to be repaired after pornography use. Many women default to using an emotional wall to keep themselves safe after they discover their husband's pornography use. As time goes on and he develops the skills and make the changes necessary, HE can become the source of safety for her and the relationship. And when he is the source of safety, she can let the...

It's very easy for men to switch one bad coping mechanism (pornography) for another (food, video games, social media, TV, etc.). Some people might see those things as far less harmful, so they allow themselves to do it. However, swapping different coping mechanisms is actually really bad because the root of the issue remains unresolved, which sets you up to continue to spiral. Why does this happen...

In a relationship, having a strong feeling of security is so important. When pornography addiction or habit is discovered, it completely undermines the security that she feels. This causes lots of issues for both people and the relationship itself – a wall goes up, there's distrust, fear, inadequacy, and emptiness often felt by both people. In today's episode, I'm sharing with you a specific tool...

Lots of people struggle with feelings of low self worth, unworthiness, inadequacy and a lack of self love. Affirmations and being positive doesn’t seem to stick because we don’t actually believe the good things we are saying. It can be hard to love ourselves if we mostly see all of our inadequacies and weaknesses. Especially if our shortcomings impact those who we love. In this episode, I share wi...

Have you ever had a good day with your spouse, then out of nowhere, you get hit with a wave of deep sadness. Then you share the sadness and the conversation spirals and he doesn’t say much in response. If you’re a husband, have you ever been faced with that situation and wanted to help her but had no idea how? Did you feel discouraged because you thought you were in a better spot and had made prog...

When a pornography addiction or habit is discovered in a relationship, it causes significant damage. Trust is broken, there's a lack of emotional safety, and it often causes a woman to redefine the entire relationship and question the past. Despite the significant damage, couples who get the right tools can fully heal the pain of the past, eliminate pornography use, and move forward with closure a...

Most people don’t want to stay in pain any longer than they already have. They want the process to speed up, to find closure and peace sooner, and move forward with a feeling of resolution… But what if she’s not ready to just leave it all behind? So many men want to leave the past behind as quickly as possible, because they recognize the impact of their actions has had a tremendous effect on their...

What do you do when you struggle with feelings of needing validation from a source outside of yourself? Whether it’s sexual attention from a woman, making a lot of money, doing and accomplishing things, or looking a certain way, it’s a trap that leads to more heartache. In this episode, I share how both a husband and wife can work through these underlying issues that lead to validation seeking and...

Have you ever wanted to know exactly what it’s going to take to eliminate pornography and have a connected relationship with your spouse? As I have initial calls with men, I often hear them say they are willing to do whatever it takes, they just don't know exactly what to do. In this episode, I share with you, one of the most important elements that helps engage and sustain men in the process of q...

When struggling to overcome pornography addiction or a habit, have you ever had the conversation that goes something like this: If there's another relapse again, our marriage is over. If I catch you watching something again, I'm leaving. And if you have had that conversation in your relationship, how did it feel? What effect did it end up having? So many couples I work with have high standards for...

Can having sex make it hard for him to quit watching pornography?    Is a pornography addiction or habit fueled by sex with a spouse?   The men and women I work with want to have a fulfilling relationship, which includes sexual intimacy.   In this episode, I share with you, the most important considerations when it comes to making sure sex doesn’t cause a breakdown in the marriage or fuel the patt...

When a man struggles with a pornography addiction or habit, it shatters trust and security in his relationship. Most men desperately seek to repair and restore the relationship, but sadly find themselves struggling to help her feel better despite making positive changes individually.   This episode of share with you, three specific ways, couples can approach the healing process together to help he...

Have you ever contemplated ending your relationship because of the hurt and pain you’re feeling?  Or because of broken communication that leads to fights or distance and you're not sure how to repair your marriage, despite everything that you've tried? You’re not alone. So many couples get stuck in negative cycles that break down their love and relationship, leading to resentment and distance. I h...

When a man struggles with pornography, addiction or habit, it’s devastating to his wife.   She will express her hurt and pain to him hoping that the behavior will stop, but when it continues to happen, it creates hopelessness and despair.   In those moments, it's easy for her to interpret the situation as ‘he doesn’t love me or care about me, what’s why he keeps doing it.’   When that is how she i...

Imagine what life would feel like if you didn’t have any desire to look at pornography. You just simply had no interest in it anymore? What if you just felt “normal” and could just go about your day without worrying about temptations and urges? Well, it’s possible. And it’s one of the best feelings in the world. In this episode I want to share with you exactly how you can achieve that and leverage...

When working to overcome pornography addiction or habit, it’s easy for expectations to not be met..   This work is difficult, and if a wife has expectations of him sharing, growing, and improving, but his capacity is limited, there can be a breakdown in the marriage. She might feel like he’s not really trying and that he doesn’t care about her.   He can feel like no matter what he does, it’ll neve...

When couples are working through the impact of pornography addiction, communication is so important to resolve painful and sensitive issues. But what, if sharing how you feel ends up in a fight? This is exactly what we were talking about in today's episode, and I'll share with your tools and strategies to approach these conversations differently. This can help you find closure and repair the damag...

It's easy for people to get stuck in a negative thought patterns that increase depression, hopelessness, and feeling paralyzed. When's the last time you thought something like, "I'm a failure," "there's no way I can quit porn," "everything in our marriage has been a lie"?  In a couple of recent sessions I had with people, a common theme emerged that was keeping them stuck in how they assessed and...

If you’ve ever felt depressed after another relapse and you’ve thought that quitting pornography isn’t possible, then this episode is for you.   I had a session with a client that was a keystone moment in his life and journey to quitting porn and I wanted to share with you what broke an old limiting belief he had that caused lots of setbacks.   In this episode I share how having subconscious belie...

Our emotional state determines the quality of our life. Yet, most people allow the external world to determine their emotional responses. One of the most valuable skills that people can learn is how to work through negative emotions, quickly, maintain a feeling of calm, control, and inner peace. In this episode, I share with you a new approach that can help you work through uncomfortable or diffic...

Finding success in overcoming pornography, you can be so difficult for many people because they don't know the best way to approach it. It can feel so discouraging and isolating going through this journey, which is why, I wanted to share a success story to help not only give you hope, but for you to also hear the specific things that have been working for men to find freedom. In this episode, I in...

When a man struggles with pornography, identifying the root cause and the source of the urges and triggers is critical. Without knowing what's driving, the urges and the behavior, most solutions will fail. Unless you correctly diagnose the issue, you're flying blind when it comes to addressing it. In this episode, I share with you the two specific categories, from which urges and triggers stem. Tu...

Many couples feel overwhelmed by feeling stuck despite trying to take positive steps forward. A woman can often feel afraid to bring her wall down, or she might feel so hurt that she can't really give a whole lot to the relationship. This situation can be difficult for both people, and a husband can feel discouraged when he's doing well but his efforts might not be bringing down the wall as he wou...