Can You Don't?

Fashion is a funny thing. And chimps are taking it to a whole new level! Let's talk about that, adding lead-based paint to school lunches for some reason and getting hundreds of kids sick, an AI band that is doing better than probably 99.9% of real people bands out there, Joe almost getting blasted by a rogue shard of glass at the dump, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna beco...

Is it just a 90's kid thing or is something wrong with us? But every time we imagine something spinning we can't help but think about the Goddamn Gravitron! Let's talk about that, an awkward time to be informed that big Kit Kats are back in stock, why do pharmacies always seem like such a pain in the ass, a flight getting grounded over a stupid text message, and more on today's episode of Can You...

We all know the ol' tin can and string telephone trick, yeah? What if that was your only form of communication regardless of the distance? Let's talk about that, jumping off a cruise ship to save your daughter, parents asking you to do shit at the worst possible times, luring a bank robber out of hiding by dangling soda from a drone, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become...

Sometimes someone's name just fits who they are and what they do, right? So when you find out what Patches Magickbeans did... you'll have that same "that checks out" type of feeling. Let's talk about that, having a giant lid stuck around your neck for two years, if a boomerang doesn't come back is it still a boomerang, jerking off your fingers just enough to complete a given task, and more on toda...

When you think of jobs Bryan could possibly have in this world... would you ever imagine courtroom sketch artist?! BECAUSE IT F**KING HAPPENED. Let's talk about that, snorting liquid poop off your mom's finest china, the worst blowup doll for your dog, your grandma giving her entire estate to a male escort, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and acce...

Did you know that there's a bunch of people out there showing up to airports thinking their Costco card is an acceptable form of ID? That's silly. Let's talk about that, taking a trip to the Gaping Goose, finding a briefcase full of cash with a severed finger inside it, Bryan having no clue how the show works 157 episodes in, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of...

Half marathon? Hard. Full marathon? Very Hard. Ultra Marathon? Insanely hard. Ultra marathon while breastfeeding a baby and still managing to win your division? WHAT IN THE F**K?!?! Let's talk about that, IOU a rimjob Willy Wonks candy bars, accidentally spilling 70,000 lbs of bees on the highway, Joe smashing his head into the ceiling in an airplane bathroom, and more on today's episode of Can Yo...

AHHHHHH!!! THREE YEARS ALREADY?! You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for all the support over the last few years. Hopefully you enjoy this FLONG'ED out episode to celebrate three years of utter nonsense we like to call Can You Don't?! HUGS AND TUGS. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is...

*** FREE BONUS CONTENT PREVIEW AT THE END OF TODAY'S EPISODE | PLEASE CONSIDER JOINING PATREON *** There's only so many ways to make a pickle... pretty sure that's all you need to know. Let's talk about that, what to do when someone starts talking to you during a movie, sticking things in your butt while your dad takes a shower, slamming your dong in a doorknob while your partner carries the groce...

What position did you play?! Let's talk about that, the implications of having one arm that's an entire foot longer than your other arm, lonely people caring way too much about their Roomba vacuums, all the different "laws" that people use to navigate society, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each epis...

IT'S SIMPLE. DO YOU WANT A GUN AND DRY TOES, OR NO GUN AND WET TOES?! Let's talk about that, how much would it cost to have a peacock as a pet, trying to convince your partner that your favorite show isn't more violent than her favorite show, talking in a cartoon character's voice during sexy time, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all th...

If your car was stolen from your driveway and you just happen to find the exact same car you had stolen posted for sale online 70 miles away... would that raise any red flags? Or would you just be pumped you found the same exact car online and buy it immediately? Let's talk about that, having to be rescued while hiking the same mountain TWICE in 4 days, sharing your dream home with a giant spider...

What would you do if you were babysitting, the kid you're babysitting asked you to check under the bed for monsters, then when you do check there's a FUCKING PERSON ACTUALLY UNDER THE BED?! Let's talk about that, the fastest little wiener dog in the world, why is everyone throwing popcorn around the movie theatre, asking your mom to buy you presents because your husband can't seem to figure it out...

Is there anything more romantic than having some sloppy anal sex next a pile of used heroine needles? Let's talk about that, how fun it would be to be buried alive, using a dead mouse to stop a co-worker from stealing your frozen burritos, doing lots of a little things to get revenge when you're upset with your partner, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Ga...

A lot of our lives depend on having an internet connection, but have you ever tried to kill your mom because the Wifi got turned off? Let's talk about that, sharing dick tattoos with your coworkers, how does laundry detergent continue to get more powerful, having to address shady conversations you hear in public, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! And a message from your sponsor of tod...

Everyone likes to have their ear nibbled on a little bit during sexy time. It feels pretty dang nice. But what if we added a harmonica to the mix? Let's talk about that, a prankster that doesn't quite understand the limits of a prank, running against your sibling in a political race, trying to talk a stranger into letting their child tickle your feet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!...

If you had magic semen that could cure any disease in the world... would you walk around children's hospitals and be a hero, or would you avoid them because... you know... that could get very awkward? Let's talk about that, Bryan getting flipped off everywhere he goes, what some evil piece of shit did in an Orlando airport, why can't anyone figure out to effectively talk about their plans 'next we...

If you had to take a blind guess, how much do you think someone could sell a couple severed, dog-vomit covered human toes for on the black market? Never thought that would be a question we would ask ahead of today's episode. Let's talk about that, what Joe is really thinking about when riding in the car, probably the most messed up use for AI thus far, what's ok to adjust when borrowing someone's...

When you think of having the ideal birthday, I bet you picture that day involving cleaning up someone else's poop all day long, right? Perfect. Let's talk about that, hiding milk in your school's ceiling tiles, dirty talking during sex about mashed potatoes, where the f***k did the Moses Lake fountain go, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access...

Bryan pissed the bed. Let's talk about that, trying to reason with criminals over splitting lottery winnings because they stole your credit card to buy said winning lottery ticket, an insane giant mega-cube that houses over 400,000 people, how Bryan actually pissed the bed, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the en...

Did you know that for just a few hundred dollars, you can have a stranger on Etsy do a magic spell that will make your penis bigger or have the person of your choosing act like a sissy little cum slut? Let's talk about that, going to jail for your birthday, all the different phobias that people have, the best baby name to ever exist, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become...

We're not sure who needs to hear this but... if you're looking to blast a bunch of meth over a wall and into a prison, using a high-powered, air cannon isn't going to be the quietest option available. Let's talk about that, an elderly neighbor planning on throwing a Goddamn rager, how much is light is too much light in your garage, discovering that mummy bodies actually smell "pretty good" after a...

Picture yourself out on a nice date at a local watering hole with that special someone. However, this particular bar is located on death row so everyone has to overlook the executions. Yikes. Let's talk about that, a couple's dispute about aggressive road rage, a completely tone-deaf commercial about helping homeless children, an insurance company getting double screwed by screwing over a college...

Well everyone... Bryan's vacation to Mexico ended in a way that we've all feared could happen to us. Let's talk about that, someone's dong getting stuck to the sidewalk during a bar fight, Joe getting yelled at by his neighbor, saving some lives because you happen to be a professional jump roper, living in the middle of a freeway because you got a little too stubborn, and more on today's episode o...

Nomination for "Best Friend" of the year: He tricks into getting a sex change and then threatens to kill your dad if you don't marry him! Let's talk about that, the best way to find out if your computer is on fire, sitting down with your mom to watch a video of you cumming all over yourself, all the facts you could ever want about dogs, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna beco...