Can You Don't?

We all tend to think that ding-dong ditching is a pretty harmless prank, right? Welp... not always. Yikes. Let's talk about that, how much we love Limp Bizkit making a massive comeback, why do women scream over the smallest things while in the passenger seat of a car like the world is ending, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extr...

Have you ever been to a topless coffee stand? Have you ever been to a topless coffee stand on accident? Have you ever been to a topless coffee stand on accident with your mom and kids in the car? Let's talk about that, trying to jump a BMX at your current age while drunk, giving birth to a baby that isn't biologically yours, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of T...

Does a naked 5k count as a form of ASMR? Let's talk about that, a website that widens the scope of measuring everything in football fields, throwing up in the middle of sex because you couldn't handle the smell, Joe standing in a bathroom alone for 10 minutes because he didn't know how to get drug tested, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access...

Dating can land you in some pretty weird situations... but one that involves forced marriage, satanic rituals, and Olive Garden usually isn't on that list. Let's talk about that, choosing your Catholic confirmation saint after your pecker's nickname, the ultimate orgy buzzkill, Bryan running his family into financial ruin by running red lights, and more on today's episode of Can you Don't?! *** Wa...

FOUR PHACKING YEARS? You’ve listened, shared, reviewed, showed up, and kept this thing going. Whether you’ve been here from episode one or just recently found us, we genuinely appreciate you giving us your time every week. We don’t take it lightly. Thanks for being here. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon pag...

And to think we've all been masturbating for free this whole time... when we could be getting paid! Let's talk about that, another example of why it's great not to live in Russia, humans have been hiding things in our butts since the beginning of time, the last time you had a five course meal, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the ext...

Ohhhhh the joys of parenting. Nothing really brings a father and son together like completely shattering trust because you're a dipshit. Let's talk about that, pissing a random dude off during a foursome because you have a massive hog, getting locked out of the house when you really need to poop, getting railed by Big Bird, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of Th...

Pro tip: when you're getting arrested and the cops ask you to call your family, don't take your shoe off and try to use it as a phone. It's not a good look. Let's talk about that, what really is the color of the middle light on a stoplight, a wild night with some wild girls, plastic wrapping a nativity scene to save time next Christmas, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna beco...

Doesn't it seem like the older you get, the sadder visiting Las Vegas becomes? Bryan just went there and returned with some wonderful examples of the sadness. Let's talk about that, having a giant black sex toy glued to your forehead for five years, drawing on fake mustaches in order to bypass age requirements online, raising money for brain cancer treatment through a lemonade stand, and more on t...

Have you ever danced with a random old lady in a grocery store parking lot? No? Maybe you should. Let's talk about that, and SUUUUUPER WAAAAAAAAAAAKE! That's it... it will all make sense. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world...

Have you ever been kicked out of a bar but have no idea why? Well, this was a first for Joe. Let's talk about that, a clever use for AI robots in the city, paying a stranger to be your friend while checking off your bucket list items, a bunch of conspiracy theories that ended up being true, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra...

I mean... we love a good raccoon penis as much as the next guy, but chopping one of some roadkill in front of your family and claiming it's for research is pretty wild. Let's talk about that, domestic differences when it comes to remodeling your house, why are kids so cool playing sports these days, working with someone all day long who has your semen all over their face, and more on today's episo...

200 episodes. That’s a lot of words, a lot of laughs, and an alarming amount of things we probably shouldn’t have said out loud. Seriously though, thank you. Whether you’ve been here since episode one or you just found us and immediately questioned your life choices, we’re so glad you’re here. The fact that you keep hitting play, sharing the show, and letting us be part of your day means everythin...

We've never thought about it before... but how hard would it be to actually rip a baby in half? Let's talk about that, installing a custom bong into your dash so you never have to stop doing drugs, why are dry ice bombs so goddamn fun, thinking that you're making a lumber delivery but end up screwing some dude's wife in front of him, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become...

Let's say you are the proud owner of a drive-thru prayer business. Would you be open 24/7? Monday-Friday 9-5? Or just Wednesdays from 11-1? Let's talk about that, having to depend on your local community to protect from everyone else in the world wanting you dead, sneaking away to have sex in a porta-potty, where the heck do all these idioms come from, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?...

Some sad news to share on the show today but... everything will be ok. Let's talk about that, Bryan continues to be fucking awful at math, when does spaghetti become spaghetti and not just tomato noodles, ice cubes made from piss in the house you're staying at, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each epi...

I didn't think I could ever give botox or implants to a camel... until I learned it could be worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?! Let's talk about that, yanking ponytails for funzzies, waiting your whole life for some free oysters with your dad, are weather apps getting paid to put up questionable forecasts, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all t...

Quick question for the ladies. Would you bang Mr. Clean? Yes, the cleaning company mascot. Let's talk about that, Bryan rewriting his entire would you rather on the fly, how does one go about getting their dog to stop licking frogs in the yard, another big life change to update everyone on, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra...

You all know that Bryan went to Mexico for his annual family vacation... but did you know he was in the exact location that all that shit went down with the cartel and he was stuck there for an additional week?! Let's talk about that, why drinking cleaning supplies is never a good idea, the only time that knowing how to give CPR to a seagull was helpful, how much should a happy-ending cost, and mo...

Although not legal in the slightest, breaking into your place of employment after hours to make and sell pizza for a little extra coin isn't a completely terrible idea. Let's talk about that, why are so many people shoving old munition up their b-holes, how many household items are there on the planet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access al...

Do you know what gooning is? Yeah you do... you little slut. *bites lip* Let's talk about that, how sexy birds can be with a human ass, another murderous elephant rampage, soliciting a prostitute while driving a school bus, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page...

Can you even imagine how good it would feel to get released from a prison, get your shit together, then end up BUYING THE SAME PRISON YOU WERE KEPT IN?! Let's talk about that, trying to fool the cops by putting your ankle monitor on your dog, why do all women leave giant balls of hair in the shower, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all t...

Have you ever been in a situation that required you to tackle an old man in order to retrieve a license plate to avoid going to jail? Us either. Let's talk about that, government drones spying on Bryan, how heavy is a standard watermelon, how accidentally killing a puppy resulted in somehow feeling ok about making your dad cry, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part o...

Have you ever wondered what a snoring hummingbird sounds like? No? Well, I bet you are now! Let's talk about that, how common actually still being alive is when doctors go to harvest your parts, some wild music conspiracies that have made their way to Uncle Zaq's lap, bailing out on the stripclub because you decided to go to an adult porn store beforehand, and more on today's episode of Can You Do...

*Jason (495651) in prison, we read your letter!* Why does every piece of tech these days feel like they NEED to have some sort of reward system?! Let's talk about that, looking forward to going on vacation so much that you ignore the fact your wife just died, trying to bite your way through a tree trunk, stuffing marbles up your dick hole, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna b...