Can You Don't?

Who the fuck is buying all these warty-ass pumpkins?! It's getting a little out of hand. Let's talk about that, ending up with three years of probation for spitting on your ex, getting locked inside your doctor's office, getting covered in piss because your plan to be an asshole backfired, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra c...

Do you ever find yourself getting upset because you have to do something that's really easy but you're just so dang tired? Yeah, pretty much all of us have. Do you then stop and think how fucking easy we have it as humans today verses even a 100 years ago? Let's talk about that, chasing prey until it throws up just so you can then eat the vomit-food, driving around a bunch of homeless people as th...

What would you do if you caught your partner doing sexual things with the family dog? Let's talk about that, having to paint your entire house completely naked, people getting so upset over online video clips, is it important to know how to do math if AI will just do it for us moving forward, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extr...

We have all masturbated using a fish... but getting caught while doing it is super embarrassing. Right? RIGHT?! Let's talk about that, testicles being located somewhere else on your body, fart rules inside a relationship, firefighters mowing someone's lawn because he couldn't finish the job, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra...

What's the worst thing that could happen from stealing your friend's sister's underwear when you were 12 years old and then blaming it on a different friend? Welp... you're about to find out. Let's talk about that, falling out the back of a moving van while trying to take a piss, beating up a disabled kid with your favorite new toy, the latest household device that now involves AI, and more on tod...

We all have our own opinions about the pumpkin spice craze, but walking around the store and yelling about it isn't the proper way to express it. Let's talk about that, some more cute animals that have a spinal deformity like Jimothy, accidentally reading an AI prompt while giving a government speech, foreskin on all your fingers, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become par...

How backwards do things have to be in this world for you to catch your wife cheating... but you're the one that ends up going to jail? Let's talk about that, answering a WYR that makes everyone uncomfortable, accidentally smashing your co-worker's head because you're making shadow puppets, why do oil change places show you everything they are doing, and more on today's episode of Can you Don't?! V...

If you have kids, or have spent time around someone else's children for any amount of time, it's no secret that they can SUPER SUCK when they are little... which is why a story on today's show about a dad leaving his son behind on Mt. Fuiji actually makes sense. GET UP, NERD! Let's talk about that, getting in real trouble for destroying a fake camera, accidentally punting your toilet paper holder...

No one cares. Hugs and tugs. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us: http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast *** New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PST Watch this episode YouTube: https://youtu.be/FaGBFZB1IKo Send in...

Welp... looks like the yearly "Joe almost died" trend continues! He learned why it's never a good idea to wear sandals while doing roof work. Idiot. Let's talk about that, having a drunk old man as a neighbor, a goose actually helping instead of just causing pure chaos in this world, having a sex-doll replace teachers in the classroom, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna becom...

Businesses making wild ass claims about their products is nothing new... but Joe couldn't control his urge to ask a local gas station about one of their record setting claims. Let's talk about that, an AI robot that could be so dangerous it comes with instructions on how to kill it if it ever goes rogue, having sex with famous statues, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna becom...

How far would you go to prank your family and friends? Would you create a fake meth lab, media coverage, mugshot, and local news website so that everyone thinks you're going to prison for the rest of your life? Someone did. Let's talk about that, the fastest ass crack Joe has ever seen, things getting pretty wild in a Walmart parking lot, a couple of enemy lesbian nuns falling in love and running...

The wild swing between being someone who's in jail, cumming on letters that you're sending to your partner... and THEN actually winning a legal argument saying that it's fine to be cumming on letters and sending them to your partner is truly amazing. Let's talk about that, getting yourself involved in a hike that's way harder than you expected it to be, fighting a goat every time you need to use t...

We all die. Duh, we get it. But what if how you died and where you died has been used as an example of failure for the last three decades? That's something special. Let's talk about that, blasting your flaps with a footlong hotdog while still on the clock, one of the weirdest videos Joe has ever found on that Internet, loosing the last three years of content on your phone because "sometimes that h...

How mad would you get if you were having a little sex and someone pooped on you? Get a gun out mad? Apparently some people get THAT mad. Let's talk about that, Joe's theory about the common side effects in pharmaceutical commercials, getting blackmailed for better grades by your students because they discovered you have an OnlyFans, getting in trouble for taping criminals to poles, and more on tod...

We all tend to think that ding-dong ditching is a pretty harmless prank, right? Welp... not always. Yikes. Let's talk about that, how much we love Limp Bizkit making a massive comeback, why do women scream over the smallest things while in the passenger seat of a car like the world is ending, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extr...

Have you ever been to a topless coffee stand? Have you ever been to a topless coffee stand on accident? Have you ever been to a topless coffee stand on accident with your mom and kids in the car? Let's talk about that, trying to jump a BMX at your current age while drunk, giving birth to a baby that isn't biologically yours, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of T...

Does a naked 5k count as a form of ASMR? Let's talk about that, a website that widens the scope of measuring everything in football fields, throwing up in the middle of sex because you couldn't handle the smell, Joe standing in a bathroom alone for 10 minutes because he didn't know how to get drug tested, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access...

Dating can land you in some pretty weird situations... but one that involves forced marriage, satanic rituals, and Olive Garden usually isn't on that list. Let's talk about that, choosing your Catholic confirmation saint after your pecker's nickname, the ultimate orgy buzzkill, Bryan running his family into financial ruin by running red lights, and more on today's episode of Can you Don't?! *** Wa...

FOUR PHACKING YEARS? You’ve listened, shared, reviewed, showed up, and kept this thing going. Whether you’ve been here from episode one or just recently found us, we genuinely appreciate you giving us your time every week. We don’t take it lightly. Thanks for being here. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon pag...

And to think we've all been masturbating for free this whole time... when we could be getting paid! Let's talk about that, another example of why it's great not to live in Russia, humans have been hiding things in our butts since the beginning of time, the last time you had a five course meal, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the ext...

Ohhhhh the joys of parenting. Nothing really brings a father and son together like completely shattering trust because you're a dipshit. Let's talk about that, pissing a random dude off during a foursome because you have a massive hog, getting locked out of the house when you really need to poop, getting railed by Big Bird, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of Th...

Pro tip: when you're getting arrested and the cops ask you to call your family, don't take your shoe off and try to use it as a phone. It's not a good look. Let's talk about that, what really is the color of the middle light on a stoplight, a wild night with some wild girls, plastic wrapping a nativity scene to save time next Christmas, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna beco...

Doesn't it seem like the older you get, the sadder visiting Las Vegas becomes? Bryan just went there and returned with some wonderful examples of the sadness. Let's talk about that, having a giant black sex toy glued to your forehead for five years, drawing on fake mustaches in order to bypass age requirements online, raising money for brain cancer treatment through a lemonade stand, and more on t...

Have you ever danced with a random old lady in a grocery store parking lot? No? Maybe you should. Let's talk about that, and SUUUUUPER WAAAAAAAAAAAKE! That's it... it will all make sense. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world...