Can You Don't?

Call us old fashioned, but the words "good father" don't usually belong in the same sentence as "threw an infant across the room into the bed frame." Let's talk about that, when a change in plans goes from thinking you're about to do something awesome to re-painting your house, wiping up tears using a foil hotdog wrapper, losing your virginity with the help of a wax joint, and more on today's epis...

We all get a little annoyed when guests overstay their welcome for one reason or another. Now, imagine if you had someone over and they didn't leave for 45 years! Let's talk about that, why are WNBA games included in our WYR about breaking bones or watching people die, another glorious Pornhub year in review, learning that dudes also have a pelvic floor they should be strengthening, and more on to...

We can understand stealing expensive things like diamonds, watches, jewelry... but a ton of lobster?! Let's talk about that, wrapping your kid up and hanging them on a hook, why we don't deserve dogs, shoving weird stuff up your b-hole, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our...

For the most part, going to church is a pretty chill experience. And most definitely not high up on the list of places you'd expect to get kicked in the face by a camel. Let's talk about that, having a serious conversation with someone while wearing a wildly inappropriate shirt, barfing up chunks of ham onto a dong you're blowing, doing your best Elvis impersonation in the back of an ambulance, an...

Every time I go to upload the episode this week, I get an error. So I'm sick of rewriting a witty episode description. If this ends up being what you see... it worked. Fuck this shit. *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to...

When you have a late-night hunger craving, sometimes it's hard to suppress it. But if that craving ends up causing a felony level of damage in order to satisfy... maybe ignore it. Let's talk about that, having to deal with your partner using their phone while watching a movie then they ask you to pause the movie so you can catch them up, of course there's a sheep shit spitting contest out there, e...

AI has the power to do a lot of good for the planet... but doesn't it feel like we can all agree that implementing AI into kid toys at this stage in its development is a bad idea? Let's talk about that, eating too many stuffed mushrooms while recording, a special moment with your kid turns into a fight, your dead body being towed around town for half a month because humans simple don't care enough...

We have all been in intense arguments over something stupid. However, those arguments don't usually end in gunfire over how many eggs a chicken can lay. Let's talk about that, heading over to Facebook groups to find sperm donors, vivid memories of kaleidoscopes but no one actually likes them, almost dying while replacing an outlet, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become pa...

LALALALALALALALA! Whatever. DOOOOOOOOOOON'T CAAAAAAAAAARE! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?! Our Patreon page is LIVE! This is the biggest way you can support the show. It would mean the world to us:  http://www.patreon.com/canyoudontpodcast  *** New Episodes every Wednesday at 12pm PST Watch on Youtube: https...

Advertising has always been a little out of control, but making people watch ads in order to wipe their ass might be just a bit over the line. Let's talk about that, redundant things we all say like stupid idiots, sticking your arm under the lap bar of a rollercoaster to keep a stranger from flying out, pouring coffee all over yourself... again, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** W...

AI is being implemented in all facets of our lives, which is great, unless you're listening to an episode of this podcast. Then it's bad. Let's talk about that, gaslighting in an airport lounge, how many people you'd kill to protect your family, losing your shit over mayonnaise, and more on today's episode on Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on t...

Have you ever voted on behalf of your dead mom, got caught, and were forced to write a ten-page essay on what an idiot you are? Would you rather just go to jail or write the essay? Let's talk about that, colorblindness making you feel completely useless, running into a blind person in the hallway, carrying a bass drum around with you everywhere you go, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?...

There comes a point when trying to help people who have lost everything that the entire situation would have been better off had you done literally nothing at all. KFC didn't get that memo. Let's talk about that, shoving a tall can of beer up your butt for a couple days, another example of the darker side of AI which humanity gets to look forward to, having a family picnic on the side of a freeway...

How much weight do you think the position of "Volunteer Swan Warden" holds on a resume? Let's talk about that, trying to go about your everyday life knowing exactly how you were going to die, a brand new most annoying thing to do in public, pretending you're trapped in an active shooter situation in order to make new friends, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of...

Nothing really brings the boys together like wearing racing jackets, being obnoxiously loud, and cheering on your sperm as it races against your buddy's sperm on a tiny sperm racetrack. Let's talk about that, your stance on giving kisses after someone goes down on you, having an absolute meltdown in front of the police after giving them a fake name, the best place to crash your car if you're havin...

If aliens offering immortality landed on Earth tomorrow and were willing to take you on a tour of the entire universe BUT you could never return to Earth... would you go? Let's talk about that, why the heck Bryan was crying in bed like a giant man-baby, another doctor doing more shady shit while he shouldn't be, the amazing world of counterintuitive but true facts, and more on today's episode of C...

Joe might run for Mayor. And his entire platform will be built around upgrading ONE GODDAMN THING THAT HAS BEEN LEFT BEHIND SINCE 1995! Let's talk about that, what it would be like living with 20 tiny men, can the washer/dryer actually turn your clothes inside out, winning a sweepstakes promising 'money for life' but having that company go bankrupt, strangers using a trampoline to save your family...

How are serving sizes set? BECAUSE NO PERSON ON PLANET EARTH WOULD CALL THAT AMOUNT AN ACTUAL SERVING! Let's talk about that, taking the wrong kid home from daycare, getting shot in the face with a flare gun by your elderly neighbor, getting a seatbelt ticket after breaking nearly every bone in your body, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access...

We've never had sex with a hamburger... but maybe we will after today's episode. Let's talk about that, the worst advice from an implied expert in his field, spraying disabled kids with your sprinkler system while they load and unload the school bus, wearing the perfect pajamas to fight crime, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the ext...

Bryan is so close to shoving something in his butthole. Let's talk about that, the embarrassment of getting stuck in a tube slide as a grown-ass man, why can't we put whatever little pictures we want on our license plates, messing everything up when you're only just trying to help, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content o...

I think we all know that feeling when you just NEED to have a drink... but I'm not sure if stopping for beer while on your way to the hospital with your wife after you just shot her is ever a good time for a drink. Let's talk about that, why is Canada so amazing, selling seats at your wedding to help cover the cost, forgetting where you parked your airplane, and more on today's episode of Can You...

The future of relationships is going to be a little nutty. Imagine being with someone who only caters to your wants, needs, and world view... it's going to be hard to stay with a real person who challenges you when AI will just praise you and make you cum. Let's talk about that, why we all collectively do things we know are bad for us, how sexualized TV shows were in the 90's, streaming porn for a...

Imagine all the things you purchase while out and about in your neck of the woods. Now imagine if the only way to purchase those things required you winning them via a claw machine. Let's talk about that, eating the perfect butt biscuit at a 5-star restaurant, catapulting your old pet horse over a zoo fence, how insane rich people's dinner etiquette actually is, and more on today's episode of Can...

Planet Fitness may not be the last place you'd expect to see a naked man running around in the ceiling, but it's probably pretty damn close. Let's talk about that, being high as f-word on weed gummies all the time, a never ending debate about snapping a hockey stick over your knee, some insane war stories, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and acces...

We're not doctors by any means, but something tells us that muting a patient's vital signs because the beeping is interrupting your game of music bingo isn't a good idea. Let's talk about that, arresting a man in a wheelchair for kicking a door down, watching a girl rub herself while she's rubbing your poop all over her body, having sex with Putin, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! **...