Can You Don't?

How would you react if you had some wild, spontaneous sex with your partner while out drinking on the town... only to find out the next morning that the building ya'll were pounding against was a rape and abuse crises center? Let's talk about that, having to wear a magic fanny pack 24/7, being so good at fishing that you're able to save a drowning woman, ditching all your belongings to avoid some...

We learn a new life lesson today everyone! If you have a severe nut allergy, don't let someone nut inside you because if that someone ate nuts, that nut contain nuts. That's nuts! Let's talk about that, a payphone that only plays fucking bird sounds, having someone drink whiskey off your knockers then piss their bed, telling your boss you had sex with them in your dream last night, and more on tod...

Would you ruin someone's life anonymously in order to avoid embarrassing yourself in front of over 120 million people? Let's talk about that, yanking the driver's steering wheel to avoid a potential bad situation, letting all the prisoners out so they can go celebrate the new year, ending a relationship over how they cook hamburgers, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become...

How many porn searches does it take to make "enema" the top searched term for an entire state in 2024?! Let's talk about that, forgetting your child's big Christmas gift back home in the closet while on a family vacation, what the ugliest shark in the world would sound like if it could talk, time trialing the best way to fold socks, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become p...

Is there anything worse than making a clever joke, someone doesn't get it, then you have to spend the next few minutes explaining why the joke was funny but now no one cares and everyone is sad? Let's talk about that, how many people are actually millionaires in the USA, the worst place to get caught while calling out sick from work, finding out that cougar meat taste pretty damn good, and more on...

You know when you're out in public and you can easily tell someone is going to be a problem? Well, Joe had an experience in a Verizon store he would like to share with you. Let's talk about that, having to chew your food for five minutes every single bite, why the heck are 'Lords a Leaping' so dang expensive, a thrilling dining experience so long as your disgruntled ex isn't the crane operator, an...

Are you a fan of musicals? What if you had to basically live inside one for the rest of your life? Let's talk about that, the nicest airline pilot of all the time, trying to fight a polar bear in order to save your wife but still get in trouble for not doing the dishes, how much jerking off is too much jerking off, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle...

Would you pay someone money to call you 'bro' online? How about steal from your family and drain your entire life savings to get someone to call you 'bro' online? Let's talk about that, having to eat babies, a new drink that supposedly tastes just like mayonnaise, getting pregnant by using the air vent while in prison, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gag...

If you're ever in some financial trouble, just promise us you won't hire a friend to dress up in a bear costume and destroy your luxury vehicles for insurance money. Let's talk about that, sucking an old man's ween in hopes of hearing an entertaining tale, getting arrested because your asshole kid wont get in the damn car, an automatic car cover thingy that creates more problems than it solves, an...

Remember that time you accidentally ordered over $600 in f*cking pizza? No? Just Joe? Let's talk about that, tasing an old lady because she wouldn't put down a steak knife, modifying your microwave for sexual reasons, the best son in the world, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons mo...

Who hasn't done some drunk shopping on Amazon, amirite? But have you ever accidentally spent $25,000 when you thought you were spending $250? Let's talk about that, a town that uses rollercoasters in place of public transportation, getting blasted in a Walmart parking lot drinking wine out of a Pringles can, getting billed by the ambulance that hit you while you were riding your bike, and more on...

If there's ever a perfect time to unintentionally blast the podcast out of your car door for a random polygamist woman to hear... it's when Bryan is screaming about having to finger little kid buttholes. Let's talk about that, accidentally killing your fiancé's brother, getting trapped in your basement because you're old, what crazy shit would you do for $10,000, and more on today's episode of Can...

Let us walk you through an alternative universe... where you are doing back-alley deals with local sperm banks in order to fill a bucket full of semen so you can clean your butthole. We'll explain. Let's talk about that, some crazy sh*t going down in a Sonic parking lot, accidentally buying tickets to see Alabama when you meant to go see Alabama, a depressing village in Japan doing creepy stuff in...

It's hard to imagine surviving a fall from 100 feet, let alone surviving a fall from 650 feet into a volcano! Let's talk about that, a doctor that refuses to wear gloves while touching your junk, being locked into a gym membership for life, sticking your finger inside a mall Santa's butthole in order to make him talk, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gagg...

Remember that time you were sitting at home with your family and the robot vacuum started screaming racial slurs at everyone? It has happened. Let's talk about that, how annoying it would be to have to go bowling every single day, donating part of your liver to a complete stranger, your wife having sex with your brother, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The G...

Imagine finding something worth $100 million, not knowing what it's worth, then just putting it under your bed for a decade as you continue on with your boring life. Yikes. Let's talk about that, accidentally throwing away an art installation, finding your family pet 30 years after it went missing, how amazing it is that any of us get anywhere safely, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?!...

Have you ever been so high on mushrooms that you decided it was a good idea to cut your dick off with an axe? Let's talk about that, how many bugs we eat without knowing it, running a marathon with a goat, jerking off a silverback gorilla, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the end of each episode PLUS tons more?!...

A little piece of advice. When strolling through an animal sanctuary, please refrain from grabbing a chicken from its nest and chucking it into an alligator pit. Let's talk about that, old things that should never be updated, grinding your junk on your grandparents, unknowingly telling the world how much you love Justin Bieber's new haircut, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna...

Imagine it's a beautiful Sunday morning... you're at your favorite local coffee shop, looking out the window, and thinking about the great day ahead. Then, a man with half his head missing, walks down the street in front of you. Normal. Let's talk about that, fighting a clone of yourself to the death, throwing baby puffins off cliffs, making over 20,000 noise complaints to the local airport, and m...

Sometimes it's not enough to simply jam a vegetable up your butthole. Sometimes you need to find a way to get a stranger's motor vehicle involved in the process. Let's talk about that, a kid accidentally breaking an ancient jar in a museum, saying some stupid shit while in bed, learning that talking about your "perfect crime" isn't a good idea, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wa...

What would your reaction be if you were a firefighter and after saving a kid that was stuck in a swing, someone snuck up and stole your Jaws of Life machine? Let's talk about that, why no one seems to think there are any rules outside of grocery stores, being a complete dickhead to complete strangers ALL THE TIME, reading a book to a classroom while holding an autistic kid in a headlock, and more...

How pissed would you be if you spent MONTHS looking for your family member that the hospital told you checked herself out... only to later find out she was actually dead the entire time? Let's talk about that, getting completely covered in pee and poo, blanketing the planet with giant mirrors to make more daylight hours, accidentally handing out candies made of solid meth to the homeless populatio...

Have you ever watched Deadliest Catch? Have you ever watched Deadliest Catch with your girlfriend's dad? Have you ever watched Deadliest Catch with your girlfriend's dad while your penis is inside his daughter's butthole? Let's talk about that, smashing your way into a Mexican restaurant to steal booze, accidentally allowing your child to watch porn instead of Barney, blending a spider into a milk...

If every time you climaxed someone relate to you magically appeared in your room, would you still masturbate? Let's talk about that, robot cars losing their goddamn minds, Joe getting a comb flapped against his forehead while getting a haircut, a badass little kid saving his family during a tornado storm, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access...

How much do you love fruit? What if fruit could talk and tell you cool little secrets? Would you spend the next year of your life listening to random fruit in hopes that you get some life changing secrets? Let's talk about that, vibrating to the winner's circle, using geometry that involves your dong to win the Olympics, smoking a cigarette while sucking gas out of a muffin mobile, and more on tod...