Better Sex

In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman clarifies a common misconception that hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is mainly meant to increase libido. Drawing from two recent conversations—one with a post-menopausal client experiencing painful sex and resisting HRT as a “fix,” and another with a man wondering why his wife’s HRT didn’t dramatically raise desire—she explains that libido cha...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist Hannah Buzzo about psychedelic-assisted therapy for intimacy and sex, for individuals and couples. Buzzo describes her background in addiction and trauma work (including EMDR), her training in trauma treatment with psychedelics, and how psychedelic work can make it easier to address taboo topics like sexuality and soften defenses in a safe, compas...

In this soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains why effective communication requires holding our “reality” loosely, since perception is filtered and interpreted by the brain, and partners often experience the same event differently. She describes a process of sharing each person’s story to feel seen, take accountability, and problem-solve—while emphasizing it only works when both p...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews therapist and divorce support group leader Oona Metz about how emotional and sexual disconnection often contributes to divorce, drawing on Metz’s 15 years of work with hundreds of women and her book Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women. They discuss common drivers of divorce (abuse, affairs, addiction), plus inequality in parenting/household lab...

In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman argues that a basic foundation of relationships is caring about a partner’s wellbeing and taking their unhappiness seriously, even without agreeing with their interpretation. She explains how the brain filters and assigns meaning to events, so two partners can experience the same situation differently, making “right vs. wrong” arguments unproduct...

Host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Courtney Fay Long about common challenges couples face with desire discrepancy, losing spark, and the pressure–rejection cycle. Long shares how prioritizing sex earlier in the day, expanding sex beyond intercourse into connection, and using “all-day foreplay” (texts, appreciation, support) can help, along with resting to relax the nervous system be...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Teresa Johnson about why and how couples can have healthier conversations about sex, including desire changes, boundaries, consent, and emotional intimacy. They discuss cultural taboos and shame that keep people silent, how comparisons to porn, media, or “how it used to be” distort expectations, and common pitfalls like avoidance, defensiveness, and fee...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses a common dynamic between higher- and lower-desire partners, warning that taking a partner’s “not tonight” personally leads to feeling rejected and eventually showing up as an unsexy “dwarf” (grumpy, needy, whiny, resentful, withdrawn), which creates pressure and consequences that reinforce obligation sex. She explains that this cycle is unsustainable and not...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Josh Davis about neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as practical, research-supported tools drawn from psychotherapy to improve mindset, communication, and relationship dynamics around intimacy and sex. Davis explains NLP’s origins and introduces “well-formed outcomes,” including focusing on what’s in your control, stating goals positively, specifying contex...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains David Schnarch’s term “the devil’s bargain,” where the higher desire partner stops initiating sex and leaves initiation entirely to the lower desire partner. She describes three common origins: a well-intentioned attempt by the higher desire partner to reduce pressure and avoid painful rejection; a request by the lower desire partner to avoid saying no and to...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Anthony Silard about his book Love and Suffering and how loneliness and disconnection affect relationships. Silard describes a “love progression model” of acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, and love, each requiring overcoming suffering, resentment, judgment, and “incarceration,” respectively. He distinguishes aloneness from loneliness and solitude, shares...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Jonathan Robinson about using MDMA (ecstasy) with couples to accelerate therapy, emphasizing a legal disclaimer and harm reduction. Robinson describes renewed interest in psychedelic therapies, claims MDMA can make deep couples work happen in hours, and contrasts it with drugs like psilocybin or ketamine because it supports therapeutic interaction without h...

In this soapbox episode of the Better Sex Podcast, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman describes a common barrier to seeking help for sexual issues: the fear that if you “open the box” and really look at your sex life, you might discover it’s hopeless—like Schrödinger’s cat being alive or dead. She acknowledges how much courage it takes to address intimacy struggles, but argues that avoidance carries ma...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews pelvic work practitioners Ashley Rose and Martin Beaudoin about how pelvic restrictions and misdiagnosed physical issues can contribute to low libido, anorgasmia, dyspareunia, vulvodynia, pudendal neuralgia, and relationship strain. They describe pelvic work as broader than Kegels, involving fascia, nerves, organ positioning, blood and lymph flow, breath, a...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explains how being “easygoing” or people-pleasing—rarely stating preferences and letting a partner decide—can create a hidden burden in relationships. She describes clients who didn’t realize how constant small decisions (meals, plans, TV) led to their partner’s decision fatigue and reduced connection because the partner couldn’t encounter their wants, opinions, and p...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Natalie Davis about how her marriage shifted from assumed monogamy to swinging and then polyamory after an affair about 15 years into her relationship. Davis describes early insecurity, rules for safety, and how communication and healing helped her and her husband rebuild trust. She explains kitchen-table polyamory, living in a “resident V” with her husband...

In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains th...

On Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews relationship coach Monica Tanner about her book Bad Marriage Advice, written initially for her son before his marriage. Tanner shares how her parents’ divorce and her own early marital struggles led her to study relationships and train in Relational Life Therapy and sex-related coaching. They discuss common couple dynamics (pursuer–d...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the “plight” of the higher-desire partner who wants sex to be part of a loving relationship but feels stuck in a catch-22: bringing it up can be labeled as pushing and create more shutdown, while staying quiet can make the lower-desire partner assume everything is fine. She encourages finding a “sweet spot” for advocating without nagging, and suggests avoidi...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Krish Phua, a certified sexologist and intimacy and sexual wellness therapist at Underneath the Moon Singapore, about applying Gary Chapman’s five love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts) to erotic connection. They address the common misconception that “physical touch” simply means sex or entitles someone t...

In this soapbox episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a client-inspired lesson on how fear-based conversations can spiral into a reactive cycle that fuels negativity and creates the outcomes partners most dread. Drawing on the idea that events lead to thoughts, interpretations, emotions, and then actions, she introduces the concept of the “anti-fear”—the opposite of a feared...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Freya Graf about yoni mapping therapy and how she combines it with internal pelvic release work. Freya shares how her own history of shame, body image struggles, and fear around intimacy led her into this work, explains what “yoni” means and why she’s moving toward more clinical language, and walks through a typical 3–4 hour session (extended intake/sex edu...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman continues last week’s discussion about the potential of MDMA-assisted couples work, emphasizing she is not encouraging MDMA use because it remains a Schedule I illegal substance outside of research. Drawing from a recent 30-hour MDMA-assisted therapy training, she shares several couple “games” that can be helpful with or without an altered state: an appreciation game...

Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Elana Auerbach about her book, “The Sure Thing: A Pleasure Practice to Revive the Spark,” and how a consistent weekly intimacy ritual can rebuild connection in long-term relationships. Elana shares her background as a “good girl” who followed an expected life path, her divorce after realizing a lack of chemistry, and later meeting her husband Bill through a...

Sex therapist Jess Zimmerman shares what she’s learning from a 30-hour training on guiding people who choose to use MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly), emphasizing she is not endorsing illegal substance use and is focused on the research and potential pending FDA approval. She describes MAPS’s Phase 3 clinical trials using an MDMA-assisted protocol for severe, treatment-resistant PTSD, noting results where abou...