A Jaded Gay

Being our authentic selves can be scary since many of us fear rejection—and for good reason. Family conflict and rejection is the main cause of LGBTQ+ youth homelessness, and LGBTQ+ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness compared to non-LGBTQ+ youth. In this episode, we’re discussing key drivers of LGBTQ+ youth homelessness, system failures, and how we can support those struggling w...

For many gay men, we struggle with minority stress and discrimination on a daily basis. Along with childhood trauma and gay shame, this adversity causes some to turn to alcohol as a form of self-medicating. In fact, the rate of substance abuse is estimated to be between 20 to 30 percent in LGBTQ+ people compared to 9 percent for the general population. In this episode, we’re taking a look at why m...

We’ve come a long way regarding LGBTQ+ media representation, with 92 LGBTQ+ characters appearing on scripted broadcast primetime programming for the 2021-2022 season. However, that representation falls flat when you consider the number of straight actors appearing as LGBTQ+ characters. In this episode, we’re taking a look at roadblocks LGBTQ+ actors encounter in Hollywood as we discuss the debate...

We live in a time when we don’t have to be confined to standard labels regarding gender, sexuality, and even relationship types. Regardless of whether we’re monogamous or polyamorous, it’s still important to do the emotional work so we’re bringing our best selves forward into a relationship scenario. In this episode, my friend, Eric Praniewicz, joins us to discuss his experiences with polyamory, c...

In previous episodes, we talked about how gay men may struggle with perfectionism as a means to validate themselves and overcome their gay shame. As a result, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others and compete against other gay men instead of lifting our community up. In this episode, we’re talking about some of the reasons why gay men compete with one another, ways to stop comparing ourselves t...

In past episodes, we've talked about how it can be difficult for gay men to find a network of like-minded peers and the importance of finding your community and chosen family. In this episode, my friend, Jonathan Steele, joins us to discuss how gayming provides a sense of escapism and queer representation, allowing you to be whoever you want to be, and how gaymers are building an inclusive, o...

In 1981, reports of a “rare cancer” affecting homosexual men surfaced, which marks the start of the AIDS crisis. For years, those living with AIDS were largely neglected by the government and medical community. In this episode, we’re discussing how ACT UP formed in response to social neglect, government negligence, and the complacency of the medical establishment, and their decades-long work, whic...

In past episodes, we've talked about how some gay men try to curate the illusion of a "perfect life" to compensate for feelings of shame and rejection. As such, we develop a false sense of confidence through others' validation. In this episode, my friend, Tillie Lee, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we practice mindfulness, be more confident, and love ourselv...

There is a longstanding stereotype that gay men have a disposable income to fund an extravagant lifestyle. However, recent data has found that there is a gay wealth gap, with the average LGBTQ+ worker earning 90 cents for every dollar a typical worker earns. In this episode, we’re taking a look at recent data regarding this wealth gap, how workplace discrimination and “early choices” impact this d...

Over the past few years, there’s been an uptick in millennials’ obsession with houseplants. And with 10.5% of millennials identifying as being LGBTQ+, which is much higher than older generations, it’s no surprise that there has been an increase in plant gays. In this episode, we’re taking a look at this millennial trend, the positive health effects houseplants have, and how they can teach gay men...

As gay men, many of us have feared being rejected by our friends and family as part of our coming out process. It’s no surprise that grappling with this fear can result in struggling with intimacy, attachment, and emotional availability. In this episode, we’re talking about how our fear of rejection can lead to developing abandonment issues, the negative impact this can have on romantic relationsh...

Correction: The U.S. Supreme Court's landmark decision for Obergefell v. Hodges came on June 26, 2015. It was incorrectly/accidentally stated as January 26, 2015 at the 15:25 time mark. In the United States, the fight for marriage equality dates back to 1987. But between 2012 and 2014, significant challenges to state laws prohibiting same-sex marriage arose. In this episode, we’re taking a lo...

Many of us have experienced “gay loneliness” from growing up gay in a straight society. We can feel isolated from our straight peers and even members of our community. But what happens when we feel that same sense of loneliness in a romantic relationship? In this episode, my friend, Jordan Nofziger, joins us to discuss overcoming loneliness in a relationship and recognizing our inner strength to m...

It’s the most dreaded time of the year for single people. In this episode, we’re talking through the pressures of Valentine’s Day and how we can celebrate the holiday by loving ourselves. Support the show Get Your Merch

In previous episodes, we discussed how being vulnerable in a relationship can trigger feelings of anxiety since it threatens longstanding psychological defenses formed to avoid emotional pain and rejection. So if we go through a breakup, we can feel alone and lose ourselves. In this episode, Sara Sabatino joins us to talk through the realization of a relationship's end, moving on from a break...

Previously, we discussed how growing up gay can impact our attachment styles when it comes to dating. Unsurprisingly, gay men who were denied affection and emotional support from their caregivers may develop an avoidant attachment type in adulthood and have a harder time getting intimate with others. In this episode, we’re taking a look at how our upbringing affects our emotional availability as g...

Previously, we discussed our iconic pop queens and how their songs typically fit into distinct categories that hit an emotional button that appeals to gay men. In this episode, we continue our Gay Icons series with none other than…Donna Summer. Known as the Queen of Disco, Donna is the fourteenth greatest female soloist of all time (according to Billboard) and certainly left her mark on the disco...

Even though we may have had similar upbringings compared to our straight peers, members of the LGBTQ+ community still tend to carry trauma from growing up differently. In this encore episode, my sister, Amy Loveless, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we date, generational differences regarding LGBTQ+ visibility, and dating intentionally. Support the show Get Your Merch

Even though we may have had similar upbringings compared to our straight peers, members of the LGBTQ+ community still tend to carry trauma from growing up differently. In this episode, my sister, Michelle Loveless, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we date, generational differences regarding LGBTQ+ visibility, and living authentically. Support the show Get Your Merch

As gay men, many of us have had to repress our authentic selves and hide our emotions because of negativity we may have experienced growing up differently. Among the myriad of issues this can cause, some of us may not trust acts of kindness from others. In this episode, we’re discussing why we may be guarded when it comes to receiving acts of kindness, the struggles this can cause when forming a r...

As we approach the end of another year, we may reflect on the past – from relationships to career pursuits to personal matters. And while we may look to a new beginning, we must learn to let go so that we don’t carry negative situations with us. In this episode, we’re discussing the motivating factors for obtaining closure, how we can give others closure, and how we can create our own. Additional...

In previous episodes, we discussed the importance of LGBTQ+ characters in TV and film and how being our authentic selves can manifest true representation in the media. As part of this increase in LGBTQ+ portrayals, Christmas movies have begun featuring gay characters and storylines. In this episode, we’re taking a look at some of my favorite gay Christmas movies, which include furry handcuffs, awk...

While the holiday season is typically viewed as a joyful time, the pressure of gift-giving, traveling, and spending time with loved ones can cause stress. For the LGBTQ+ community, this time of year can also serve as a reminder of their strained relationships with family, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. In this episode, we’re navigating the LGBTQ+ community’s complicated re...

Since 1984, the gay best friend has been a staple character in movies and TV, often being portrayed as sexless and sassy. However, this stereotype—while often thought to be innocent—can actually be harmful and damaging. In this episode, we discuss the origins of the gay best friend trope and cover the negative impact it can have on gay men. Additional Resources: Gay Best Friend (Urban Dictionary)...

For gay men, humor has played a central role in their resiliency and helped get them through tough times. However, one form of humor, self-deprecating, can become a problem and may actually signify deeper issues. In this episode, we’re discussing the role self-esteem and humor play as a coping mechanism for stressful emotions, signs that our self-deprecating jokes may be negatively impacting how w...