Trader Hoes

You know what, Hoes? We deserve to metaphorically drown ourselves (Augustus Gloop-style) in chocolate this week after the utter disappointment of last week's items. And Trader Joe's did not disappoint. We're dishing up bold new combinations, some horrendous Australian accents, childhood throwbacks and a lot of curiosity about what fathers did to piss off every country so there aren't any Fatherlan...

Yes, we’ll get into the items we tried this week, Hoes, but first, we have breaking news! Katie found a new app that allows you to get Trader Joe’s items DELIVERED. We’ll wait while you catch your breath. It’s called Dumpling, and they should sponsor us for how much we promoted them in this episode. Anyway, we also tried some Trader Joe’s items. But let’s just say that breaking news was the highli...

Hoes, we apologize right now if you can smell our breath through this episode. We were not prepared for how pungent these items would be. But if you looooooooove garlic and the resulting breath, does Trader Joe’s have some chips for you! We also spill some insider knowledge thanks to a few of our followers, welcome a new Patron to our inner circle and try not to kill our houseplants with our rank...

Hoes, this year we’re getting a new president and giving you full transparency. We are still quarantining and recording from home, and it shows. In addition to discovering the Destiny’s Child of nuts from Trader Joe's, we also find the loudest pacifier with the best comedic timing and realize Evie may need to fight Katie’s toddler for Brian’s hand in marriage.  🛒 In the cart:  A Trio of Almonds C...

If there’s one thing that’s certain in this crazy world we live in, it’s that the Hoes need to do a road trip across the country to see all of these incredible Trader Joe’s locations! Seriously, Arizona, step it up. And on that trip, we may very well bring these three quick breakfast items to sustain us. Well, one in particular is never leaving our sight, if we have any say in it. We also need the...

We made it, Hoes. This year, we’re focusing on the positives, starting with looking back on our favorites from 2020 that we hope to see again in 2021.  And in between giving ourselves pats on the back, a heartbreaking story of the loss of a perfectly good bag of jalapeño puffs and dropping air fryer suggestions, we also tease out things coming soon for these Hoes and ponder the invention of a chee...

We’ve almost made it, Hoes! We’re in the last week of the weirdest year we’ve ever lived through. And if there’s one thing we’ll take with us into 2021, it’s a newfound appreciation of cookies, especially these TJ’s holiday ones. Well, that and maybe the inspiration for holiday taxidermy, an irrational fear of voodoo cookies and the emotional scars of working at an alt weekly paper.  🛒 In the car...

We’re back! And one of these Hoes is a whole lot more engaged than the last time we recorded 💍 But back to the TJ's stuff. In preparation for this episode, we’ve been building up our sugar tolerance so we can take these holiday candies in stride. We also reveal our true feelings about mint chocolate chip in a Freudian slip, long for a return to casino bingo nights and question whether birds are r...

The holidays look a bit different this year, Hoes, so we decided to kick off our December episodes with some unusual, festive treats. Also, keep sharing your stupid with us and maybe we’ll do a roundup of our favorites. But definitely don’t share you address with us. Honestly, Katie’s probably already found it.  🛒 In the cart:  Over The River And Through The Wood Trek Mix  Sweet & Salty Snack...

The time has come! Katie can finally eat soft cheeses again, and these Hoes are taking advantage and taking on all of the hardcore wax standing in the way. But the cheesiest thing about this episode isn’t even the items we tried. Plus, somebody call The New York Times because we have the youngest podcaster ever on this episode, and she’s already got amazing taste.  🛒 In the cart:  4 Year Aged Che...

We’re getting back in the groove, Hoes. Katie has returned and is ready to wrestle some bags of Trader Joe’s crackers. Yes, wrestle. They put up quite a fight. And we put all of the energy into the universe that Katie doesn’t catch her hair on fire again this Thanksgiving. Plus, enjoy some prime storybook animal voices and some intense disdain for raisins.  🛒 In the cart:  Trail Mix Crackers Bite...

While Katie is caring for her brand new baby girl, Evie calls in a familiar Trader Bro, her boyfriend Brian, to help her sample some grilled proteins. But don’t skip this episode just yet, vegans! We’ve got a pleasantly surprising item in store for you too. While Evie and Brian fight off the meat sweats, they also dream of what it must be like on a cruise, suggest some turkey alternatives for Than...

Warning: Do not give this much chocolate to the Hoes ever again. In this sugar-fueled giggle fest, Katie and Evie sample some new (and not-so-new) chocolate items from Trader Joe’s. They also cover a very niche bucket list item, ponder the existence of zebracorns and possibly offend all of Belgium and really anyone who has an accent. Sorry and you’re welcome.  🛒 In the cart:  -Organic Almond Beve...

We don’t know what’s scarier this year, Hoes: the election, Halloween or how loosely some of these items fit into this theme? Whatever you choose, we’re getting in the spirit of the season with some of Trader Joe’s Halloween/general Fall-is treats. You also may be spooked by our most embarrassing costumes over the years, how Evie is considering distributing candy and Katie’s feline trash can. In t...

Hoes, we’re getting salty this week. We’ve got some gripes about non-resealable chip bags, and we’re pairing them with some equally salty (and spicy) snacks. Plus, we want you to Share Your Stupid with us. Like Evie’s conclusion that Peruvia was a made-up country because of a Kim Possible episode, we want to hear those moments that make you face palm when you relive them. Send ‘em our way so we ca...

We’re spreading the love this week, Hoes. We also have a very important question for you: What kind of dodgeball player are you? While you ponder that, we’ll share some addicting jams and spreads with you and one that just didn’t do it for us, honey. And to further our promise of making this an educational podcast, we dissect the differences between jams and jellies and wonder if I Can’t Believe I...

While we round out the pumpkin reviews this year, we need some help, Hoes. How do we cook the Spicy Pumpkin Curry Simmer Sauce? We’ll keep snacking on these pumpkin sweets, but please halp. Also, some announcements: Catch us getting written up in the Phoenix New Times (Not the New York Times...yet), Katie’s husband is basically a doctor now and Evie will never let go of charcuterie boards.  In the...

This is the pumpkin episode Evie has been waiting for. We’ve been patiently prioritizing other pumpkin items while these ones constantly called to us. The time has finally come and, Hoes, they did not disappoint. We also learn that physics don’t apply to pumpkin season, Queer Eye is our quarantine dopamine source and Trader Joe’s is trying to start something between the East and West Coasts. Plus,...

This was a week for carbs. And because it’s late September, you know they’re Pumpkin Spice carbs. Also, we need your help, Hoes. Katie is looking for pro baking tips, so if you’ve mastered the art of cookie-making, share the wealth. While you’re at it, let us know if “dense” is the new “thicc.” We think we can make it happen.  🛒 In the cart:  Pumpkin Brioche Maple Streusel Bread  Pumpkin Blondie...

Are you ready, Hoes? ‘Tis the season for pumpkin spice, and we’re feeling festive AF. Even though it’s still triple digits here in AZ, we’ve got our cozy slippers on, and we’re pairing them with some brand new Trader Joe’s pumpkin picks. We’re also very concerned with Harry Potter’s hydration and physical activity regimen and considering a new podcast, Evie and Katie Complain About Shit. Who knows...

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: This is an educational podcast, Hoes. And this week, we’re getting schooled by some great choices from our Patron Katie S. during our first ever Choose Your Hoe Adventure episode. We handed the reigns over and let Katie S. introduce us to some newish items. We also learn how cassava and tapioca are connected, how great the need for cheese trail mix is...

In this loosely themed episode, we dive into some cheese and crackers that would make for one wild charcuterie board. We also declare that we’re ready for Fall and bread bowls, pitch the idea of TJ’s adult Lunchables and may need to issue an apology to our nemeses, microwave muffins.  In the cart: Shredded Unexpected Cheddar Unexpected Broccoli Cheddar Soup Everything But The Gluten Crackers Nacho...

Hoes, we deserved this episode. After last week’s muffin fiasco, we’re feeding our souls with some surprisingly authentic new pastas. Seriously, we cannot shut up about how good this pasta is and how reminiscent it is of actual pasta that we tried in Italy. It’s a problem. We’d also like to draw your attention to the perfect metaphor of emotional Whack-A-Mole during the pandemic and the genius ide...

Well, Hoes, emotions rise unlike our attempts at muffins this week, as we try our hand at baking up some easy breakfast. Spoiler: Things are half-baked at best. You’ll also hear a special dramatic reading, all about Katie’s week of successes and only mild panic at a surprise Zoom guest.  🛒 In the cart:  Protein Dark Chocolate Muffin Protein Maple Muffin Cheese-less Cheesecakes  Support the show

Good news, Hoes: We try some delightful new TJ’s snacks this week. Bad news: We also cover imaginary friends, gummy birth control, TJ’s getting coached by Gary V and Katie’s Test Kitchen adventures. Or maybe you’d like bad news and then good news, depending on what kind of child you were.  🛒 In the cart:  Organic Fruit Flavored Snacks Bazaar Basket Snack Mix Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cup Suppo...