The Hoely Hour

Mommy White Claws: It's not like a regular White Claw, it's a cool White Claw. Because it's loaded with vodka. You heard it here first folks: if you ain't simpin', you ain't pimpin'. The girls hate Valentine's Day, but it's only because elementary school teachers scarred us specifically. Last, let's get real about falling in love and exploring intimacy without sex. Learn more about your ad choices...

We're popping champagne this Thirsty Thursday because WE JOINED A NETWORK! What kinds of things radiate Big D*ck Energy? If he does these things, he for sure has a GDBD. Let's talk about body hair. It's weird we shave it, right? Let's all braid our armpit hair, who cares. And, find out what the sexy time sweet spot is. ;) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted...

Drugs are bad, mmkay? Lifehack: call how you want to be treated a "kink." Sisqo is in the house, lemme see that thong! Do you remember your first thong? The girls answer a listener question about being just friends with someone you met on a dating app. Don't lie, your 20's low key kinda suck, and our Sexpert Amelia Samson shares why vaginas are superior in the orgasm department in this w...

Beam us up, Daddy! The girls talk about their biggest tinfoil-hat-theories and Liz reveals she dated a conspiracy theorist. Can you log semen on My Fitness Pal? Meet Frenchfry Dick and Ketchup Titties, the superheroes absolutely no one asked for. A listener emailed us a dick pic, and we answer a listener question about IUDs! 1:45 - 25:03 - Pretending we’re Neil deGrasse Tyson 25:04 - 33:45 We got...

What’s spookier than a pregnancy scare? Nothing. Except for when Amelia used to think she could get pregnant from dry humping. The girls talk all about periods, and that’s on periodt. Seventeen and Cosmogirl traumatized us all with the horror stories of toxic shock syndrome. Don't lie, all newborns look the same. “Chill” girls are the final boss of pick-me’s. And, if the vaccine makes you gay, pls...

Have you ever had an acid-enduced threesome after taking a gas station d*ck pill? Spoiler: your bowels will protest. Amelia updates us on some very interesting dates she's been on, take notes folks! The girls talk pegging and Liz reveals she's "an early adopter of eating ass." Jeff Bezos needs sexting lessons from the girls, and Amelia shares a herpes horror story. PS: We will sell feet...

Liz had a run-in with Gordon Ramsay in Vegas and would pay him to be called an idiot sandwich. The Hoely Hour gets biblical! Who is Lilith, why was she rejected from The Bible, and why is she now our queen? Amelia traumatizes Liz by telling her why chainsaws were first invented, and the girls share the historical horrors of birth-giving contraptions. 6:30 - Gordon Ramsay & Carrot Top story tim...

Amelia tells a hookup horror story about a man who read her his joke ideas for a non-existent stand-up set after their bone dance. Liz shares how she was almost a magician's personal assistant on the Vegas strip and why she hates magicians. How do you tell someone you're dating that they smell? AND we share some of your worst gift stories! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com...

On Prozac 40 hours a week, you could call us Pro-fessionals. Join us for some real talk girl talk about mental health and growth. Also, can you be hot and be good at your job? Let's ask Liz. Amelia ends up on KinkTok. Subscribe to her OnlyFans, which is exclusively eczema feet pics. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See p...

Guess who's back? It's not slim shady, but they do be throwing shade. How far have your internet creeping abilities taken you? Also, Liz challenges a Fake Dom to a duel and Amelia shares her breakup advice to mending a broken heart. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection...

Buttplugs & Heartbreaks—it's not Beerbongs & Bentleys but it's close! Seriously though, have you considered some booty jewelry? Liz recommends you bedazzle that b-hole. AND seniority isn't a reason to stay in a relationship sis! Do you deserve a middle management boyfriend? Or the whole ass CEO of your heart? Amelia has some piping hot tea on her ex's bad behavior and why she decided to ta...

It's our HALLOWEEN EPISODE! What's scarier than a pair of sweaty balls? The bacteria living in beards. Yes, you read that right. Prepare to be traumatized. Liz shares her spooky stories about getting lost in the mall and possible telepathy, while Amelia shares that she is pretty much the kid from Sixth Sense. Share your spookiest sex stories with us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcast...

Would you want to share your birthday with your partner? Probably not if you're a Gemini and a Libra. (DEFINITELY not a Leo...) This episode, Amelia and Liz talk about the pressures of getting married and having kids, and if it's okay to still not know what you want. Also can we talk about how MEAN girls can be? Aggression in young girls is something we all experience but is widely misunderstood....

Posting pics of your relationship - is it cute or are you compensating? Amelia and Liz discover the shocking extent of fleshlights. Be warned, you will go deaf from Liz's shocked screams that sound like you're at a heavy metal concert. Could she have edited it? Sure. Did she? No, because she's an agent of chaos. AND: When is it okay to end something over text? Plus another perplexing game of F*ck,...

Cry to win an argument! Just kidding please don't do that. Get Amelia on your side to win an argument for you. Did you ever have a drifter pathological liar friend growing up? If not, you're that friend. BODY COUNT: who has the highest in the world? Liz sh ts on purity culture and the girls end with another game of f ck, marry, kill featuring Disney characters. Learn more about your ad choices. Vi...

Have y'all heard of The Matrix? Watch out, Theresa Caputo, Amelia is the new witch in town! Amelia and Liz talk red flags, and Liz finally talks about her "scary" ex: The Scorpio. (Scorpio men belong in jail.) Let's play a game of F*ck, Marry, Kill! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for infor...

In this mini episode, Liz and Amelia read what is unofficially known as "Hinge Cringe." The girls read good, bad, and mostly ugly Hinge prompts! Share some of your best and worst dating app experiences with us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of...

Yes folks, you read that right, bop that WAP. Trust us. Or well, trust Liz, at least. A listener asked us to talk more in depth about therapy! We answer what we looked for when searching for a therapist, how we prepare for our appointments, and more. Amelia celebrates the upcoming election and Liz celebrates learning to make a crunchwrap (Taco Bell, pls sponsor). Learn more about your ad choices....

Move over, Neil deGrasse Tyson! Amelia and Liz have discovered the secret to opening the 5th dimension. The girls read a relationship horror story, talk about the difference between "making love" and "f*cking," and if they'd be down to clown with their clone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.a...

Come on down to Schlongs for brunch! It's like Hooters, where straight women can show everyone how straight they are while eating a meal. Are you ready for marriage, or are you ready for a wedding? And make your partner go with you while you get an IUD so he can watch some blasé OB/GYN obliterate your cervix while you scream into his face and debate if you ever actually want children. Learn more a...

This podcast is now hosted by two 12-year-old boys, featuring farts and bewbs. If you want six-pack abs, start holding in your farts at the gym. Referring to women as "females" makes you a domestic terrorist. We're no longer slapping men ladies, we're head-butting them. It's monogamy! It's like The Hustle, but monogamous. Amelia and Liz talk about STDs and other fun stuff in this week's...

Dentists know when you’ve just given head! Is breakup sex a bad idea or a terrible idea? And why do so many things look phallic? Amelia and Liz talk about breakups, social anxiety, and The Bohemian Rhapsody of our generation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and us...

The D.A.R.E. program worked really well on these girls. What's a DABs of the Week and is it you? You NEED to add cursing your exes to your skincare routine. Taking a BDSM assessment is like an enneagram for sexual deviance. The girls talk about dating someone who is respectful of your hobbies and time, being transparent, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoice...

Excuse me, do you have a few minutes to talk about The Good Word of Aftercare? The girls talk about what aftercare is and why everyone should be doing it. Does he Kirby you when you make out? And Liz is into BDSM and is the only one who didn't know, apparently. Xoxo, Go$$ip Gurl. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm....

Amelia stars in Crank and keeps her heart rate up in a unique way while she drives, and Liz wants to be crushed by a brick house like the Wicked Witch of the East. In this mini episode, Amelia answer questions from listeners about threesomes, masturbation, and porn. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com fo...