The Firefighter Deconstructed

Ryan Espanza worked as a military firefighter, a private ambulance 911 paramedic and is now a Fire Captain with the Suisun Fire Department. He became angry with a short fuse, ready to knuckle up all the time. He started working two jobs around the clock to keep from feeling the crap inside. Once he finally broke and began to deal with the pain that he didn't even know he had, he lives a life full...

This is an awesome episode! This guy has done so much and has gone through so much. 9/11 left him with PTSD and he faced the ultimate departmental betrayal. Despite everything he has gone through, he has made it to the other side with his family intact, his heart full, and the ability to see all the good that exists. This week's guest is Peter J. Forcelli is a retired Deputy Assistant Director fro...

Gary Hayes comes to us all the way from the United Kingdom! He is the Co-Founder of PTSD999, a charity organization that raises money to provide therapy and services for first responders. They also provide training to help educate and spread the word that PTSD is real and can affect anyone. He is a former police officer and constable in London, United Kingdom and he was a member of the 3rd Battali...

This episode is with the amazing Nicki Impastato! Nicki and I sit down and talk about her life working as a dispatcher while raising two kids with her Battalion Chief husband. And then we talk about doing all this while struggling with PTSD. Nicki also worked in a system that didn’t know what to do with her when she started struggling. She says, “There was something seriously wrong with me, and th...

Veteran firefighter Egan DeLosCobos sits down with the firefighter deconstructed and talks about how the body holds on to stress and what happens to our bodies if we don’t deal with it. Egan and his 3 year old son somehow survived a crazy car accident and although they both walked away with only a few bumps and bruises, the stress of it all ended up attacking Egan’s body. After going round and rou...

Pirate to stuntman to paramedic/firefighter to podcaster and back to stuntman. He’s traveled and worked around the world. He saw the fire culture's damaging effects on its members and that with becoming a single parent, he decided to choose his son over finishing his career. I find this very brave as so many of us say we would choose our family/kids over anything in the world, being a firefighter...

Josh and Olivia sit back down with the Firefighter Deconstructed and talk about having to put their marriage and their lives back together for the second time and why they are so much stronger because of it. This episode embodies how marriage really is about two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other. The insights they share are inspiring and applicable to everyone's lives and relati...

Rob Weisberg is a volunteer firefighter in the state of NY. He happened to work across the street from the World Trade Center. When the Towers were hit, he made his way to a nearby fire station and offered his help. He ended up managing a fire station packed full of the injured and lost. Rob developed PTSD and after realizing how much his, “…family took it on the chin,” he decided to do something...

Kyle, a firefighter with 11 years of service, is no longer on this planet because he was tormented by PTSD and had learned that it’s not ok to ask for help. Our guest, Kerrie Murphy, bravely shares her story of losing her younger brother Kyle. The ramifications of suicide are devastating to those left behind. In this episode you will learn the world is NOT better off with you gone. We must learn i...

This is Part 2: Living Skills. In Part 1 we hear about all the trauma that Teri has beent through while keeping a big smile on her face. In this part 2 episode, Teri shares the rug getting pulled out from under her and then how she put her life back together. She talks with us about how falling into the darkest hole imaginable made it possible for her to transform a life of surviving into a life o...

This is truly a special 2 part episode with former EMT and then emergency room nurse then emergency room director Teri DeLaMontanya. Teri grew up in turmoil and trauma and learned to “make the most of it” in order to survive. Never allowing herself to feel pain or anger, Teri went through life just constantly moving forward and keeping that happy smile on her face - that is until the rug was pulle...

James Beal is a paramedic for the Nashville Fire Department. Not only is he being incredibly brave by telling us his story, but he’s talking about it on a podcast — when one of his greatest vulnerabilities has been talking. He grew up with a stutter and childhood trauma. James tells his story with raw authenticity and has something everyone can learn from. You don't want to miss this one.

Lawerence Williams is a 21 year veteran with the Nashville Fire Department. He is as tough as they come. Lawerence struggled with alcohol and PTSD symptoms until he finally went to the IAFF PTSD recovery/rehab center. While there he thought the whole thing was "stupid" and planned on coming home. His wife told him either stay there and get better or don't bother coming home." He stuck it out and 3...

Audra and Chelsi are two firefighter's wives and work-from-home mothers, with a combined 20+ years of experience as first responder spouses. They host a no-BS podcast, on a mission to break the stigma of mental health in first responders while amplifying the voices of their significant others. Together, they smash the negative feelings that come along with being a first responder family, replacing...

Retired firefighter and military guy Jim Madison is on the show. He is the epitome of resilience. That saying, it’s not how many times you fall down, but how many times you get up. Jim has had to get up off the floor MANY times. He has suffered multiple injuries on the job and has ended up in a wheelchair. That hasn’t stopped him. He races hand cycles and is going to compete in the Los Angeles mar...

Keith joins the podcast and shares how his life fell apart and after a diagnosis of Complex PTSI, he put it back together. His road to recovery included 6 suicide attempts. He shares incredible insight into what drives some to suicide. Keith Hanks is a retired Firefighter and EMT that dedicated 21 years of his life to the service of others. He serviced his community as a training officer, certifie...

I had the honor of being a guest on the incredible podcast, A Slight Change of Plans hosted by cognitive scientist Maya Shanker. Apple named A Slight Change of Plans the best podcast of 2021 and it has over 10 million downloads and Dr. Shanker took the time to interview a retired firefighter/paramedic amongst all the celebrities and well known people she usually interviews. Her podcasts are nothin...

This is the second time Tyler sat down to talk about his journey with PTSD. The first episode he talked about his critical incident that sent him down the PTSD rabbit hole. This time he comes back on to talk about the next phase: retiring from his passion, his identity and having to find a new life. His insightful, articulate and an all around awesome guy.

Ret. Paramedic Cheri Garcia sits down with the Firefighter Deconstructed after a short winder break. Cheri talks about realizing she couldn't do the job anymore without it further ruining her life and who she was. She had to reinvent herself and who she is - and she did with with grace and perserverence. Giving back and helping to save us is what she aims to do.

Michael Loew was a Firefighter and Paramedic for almost 30 years. He cruised along pretty well until he was caught in the middle of the Carr Fire. The Carr fire, burned 229,651 acres of the Shasta and Trinity counties, burned down over a thousand homes and killed 3 firefighters and 5 civilians. Michael talks about his experience at the fire and the effects the danger and devastation caused for him...

Don Pemberton Don sits down with Christy and talks about coaching first responders to create and maintain healthy lives and actions that can help PREVENT Post Traumatic Stress. He and the organization, 1st Responder Coaching, really have something here that all first responders could use--either as individuals or as whole organizations. I really encourage you to take a listen. This service has the...

Retired police officer Stephanie Polizziani spent 15 years as a police officer, most of them for the city of Berkeley and then moved on to Benicia. She began to feel her life become dark. She planned on just keeping her head down on and not dealing with it. That is until her husband, also a police officer, told her she needed to get some help. Stephanie has a unique perspective as a police officer...

Today’s show is awesome and everyone should listen to this. Shauna Doc Springer and I talk about an existing and very accessible total game changer in the treatment of PTSD. It’s called the Stellate Ganglion Block. We also talk about first responder suicide and thoughts for friends and loved ones of someone who dies by suicide. Shauna ‘Doc’ Springer is a licensed psychologist, best-selling author,...

Today’s show is all about the brain and what happens to it when it’s exposed to trauma repeatedly. Dr. Nan Herron, a real medical doctor, and I sit down and talk about why people want to drop the D in PTSD and replace it with an I - because it’s not a disorder, it’s an injury. Like a real, physical injury to your brain. Remember we had on Paula Siddens, the CHP officer who had a serious head injur...

San Francisco Fire Paramedic Danny McAtee makes his second appearance on the show. We sit down and discuss part of our first responder community that carries an extra weight daily and especially when they struggle with mental health and PTS. The LBGTQ+ community has been invisible for so long in first responder world that we need to make a change so EVERYONE knows they are not alone.