The Borderline Besties

Today we're: Talking about how we wipe Looking back at Abbey’s grocery store compulsions Discussing our sex thoughts ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Reminiscing on our old trick or treating days. Comparing burps and farts. Trying to guess what Lauren dressed up as. ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Dissecting Lauren's raw chicken aversion. Planning a visit to the strip club. Diagnosing Abbey's diarrhea. ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Complaining about Pennsylvanian deer Getting to the bottom of Michael’s itchy head Planning Lauren’s virtual Halloween party ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Discussing the pros and cons of Michael getting a perm Talking about our fear of pooping in public Pitting some iconic characters up against each other (Mr. Clean makes an appearance) ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Coming up with our own phonetic alphabet Talking about our stinky scalps Pitting some super hot celebs up against each other (Jennifer Coolidge anyone??) ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Admiring Lauren’s new haircut Wondering if Blake Lively or Gwenyth Paltrow sleeps in a coffin Discussing who wears gloves to pump gas: Tom Cruise or Ben Stiller ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Questioning if Timothee Chalamet or Tom Holland has a longer second toe Debating who has worse manners: Leo Dicaprio or Matthew Mcconaughey Wondering if Cher or Dolly would be more likely to get married in Vegas ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Taking a walk down cereal lane and remembering our favorites Finding out if Michael gets the zoomies or if it's just a girl thing Learning about each others' butt hair ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: 
 Reminiscing on the best computer games
 Telling Lauren how to cut her hair
 Discussing cigars and which one of us looks like one

 ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Discussing the disaster that is women's health Asking Michael how big his nips are Bonding over our love of broccoli salad, a Pennsylvania delicacy ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Learning why Lauren can't sleep naked Explaining the luteal phase to Michael Finally sharing our favorite colors with each other after 27+ years of friendship ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Hearing about Abbey's cyclospora scare Looking back on our elementary school bullies Loving our crazy neighbors from afar ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Learning what Michael uses his birthmarks for (be afraid) Discussing the benefits of sun on genitals Comforting Abbey after her concert comedown ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Talkin' bout pubic hair. The bush is back baby! Diagnosing Lauren after hearing her hobbies. Weighing in on people that don't like spicy foods. ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Trying to get to the bottom of Abbey's cycle. Judging Micheal's pond swimming habit. Counting Lauren's toe knuckles. ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Hearing about Abbey's recent trip to Prague! Trying to figure out why Lauren cries at golf cart parades. Reminiscing on stubborn grandmas. ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Discussing male gynecologists Getting to the bottom of why Michael can't pee in the ocean Judging people's choices on the beach ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Discussing our Facebook Marketplace gripes Talking about a recent pet psychic claim Speculating why John Mayer's head is so big ...and so much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Discussing the "Catching Print" craze Judging Michael's overactive salivary glands Reminiscing on finding hair and bandaids in our food ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're: Reminiscing on some of Michael's most recent (and valid) public meltdowns Pretending we're waiting for a table at Olive Garden in 1998 Reflecting on Abbey's thyroid cancer diagnosis ...and much more! Buckle up!

Today we're asking the important hard-hitting questions: "What if there's no life after death?" "What if people were born old and died young?" "What if our buttcheeks had nipples?" Buckle up!

Batshit Banger: Abbey curated the perfect cart at Home Goods. What happens next you WON'T believe. Meat & potatoes: Today we’re each bringing to the table…how getting older is affecting each of us. Our bones pop when we stand, we have turkey necks...it's not lookin' good folks. Dilemma: A woman's husband pooped his pants. She now wants nothing to do with him. Listen in to see what happened and...

Batshit Banger: Lauren experienced the worst massage of her life. You won't believe what happened after. Meat & potatoes: Today we’re each bringing to the table…the absolute audacity other people (and us!) have. We could totally plumb an entire house... Dilemma: A new boyfriend's breath is just too stinky. Listen in to hear the borderline professional advice we offer up...

Batshit Banger: Michael watched someone get kicked out of a wedding last weekend... Meat & potatoes: Today we’re each bringing to the table…Dreams! Bad ones, good ones, scary ones. Are dreams only in our mind or a portal to another dimension? Dilemma: Someone is super constipated and intelligently came to us for help. Listen in to hear the borderline professional advice we offer up...