That Checks Out

The guys discuss how much aluminum foil is necessary when jousting a Buick, when three wishes won’t make your oil light go out, and why not paying for your horse to ride the subway totally prevents you from handing out your golden pocket candy. 

The guys discuss why it is imperative to vet your wizards properly prior to completing any financial transaction, when is the best time to interact with nocturnal, wallet-less, lowballing vampires in need of transportation, and how “breaking off a piece” of 12 tons of Italian KitKat bars leads to a delicious black market. 

The guys discuss how urine soaked toasters make it nearly impossible to recoup your security deposit, when a perp can elude the police with a simple belly rub, and why a qualified Ball Rep and full ball sack increases your chances at $100,000. 

The guys discuss how the hands up on Ted’s hips means not one goodbye shall be heard,  when the “flopping” and “slapping” all but guarantees you’re going to give up that ambulance, and why “Those ARE supposed to be out!” was Damon Hasslehoff’s entire campaign platform in getting elected as Berlin’s Public Pool Commissioner. 

The guys discuss how the hyena’s extinction can only be prevented through simultaneous flipping, when creating a sound drop for a wildly popular podcast that is heard by dozens does not offer you infinite immunity to add to your exotic bird collection, and why it is so important to open every card from (Ba)Nana prior to litigation. 

The guys discuss how to properly disarm an 8-inch WW1 artillery shell, when a Pizza Surprise Attack will definitely confuse two grown men TWICE, and why not responding to your doctors requests made in random different voices merely confirms consent. 

The guys discuss why it is virtually impossible to fight “mirror demons” without a Feng Shui stick, when a one rock promise and a new thrift store wardrobe all but guarantees you the lead in a catchy pizza promotion, and how a naked man missing half of his sub sandwich still somehow has access to infinite Slim Jim’s. 

The guys discuss how watching someone fish could lead to a lifelong romance, when pushing your spouse off a cliff seems easier than consummating the marriage, why a universal remote goes better with wings than bleu cheese and celery. 

The guys discuss how almost all known statue related deaths revolve around  jealousy, when two hundred feet of extension cord and a Dyson will definitely get you a misdemeanor, and why Damon believes his tectonic plates must be shifting. 

The guys discuss how honey buns are the leading cause of prison breaks in Romania, when a comped order of mozzarella sticks will earn you hero status, and why pills in the 1700’s would often crawl away before being ingested. 

The guys discuss why a prison sentence will never stand between Donna and her “eternity”,when you can have $6 worth of fun with $4 worth of lettuce, and how bringing a $30,000 harp to the beach usually leads to meeting a lifeguard. 

The guys discuss why shark selfies are the #1 cause of lost Peace signs, where is the absolute most ignorant place to stand when determining your boyfriend is faking being a realtor, and how when one door opens it will also be closed by Doug. 

The guys discuss how a secondhand heart doesn’t make you bulletproof, when pink eye from a pastor might just save your life, and why an “agitated” alligator and a pocket full of sauces doesn’t always guarantee free chicken nuggets. 

The guys discuss why it is so crucial to know the passcode to your lady’s lingerie, when “Ted” becoming “Tom” during a space shuttle landing equates to infinite wealth, and how storage fees on a Boeing 737 are actually way more reasonable than you might think. 

The guys discuss how the decision of “soup or salad” will always set the tone for sexy time that night, when getting the mail absolutely becomes your most death defying daily experience, and why having a quality alarm on your kayak can prevent a permanent nap when mountain climbing. 

The guys discuss how a monkey with money is never hungry or horny, when a wedgie eliminates neck pain. and why an exploding nana leads to military dominance. 

The guys discuss how the best way to determine a man’s wealth is by the direction of his zeros, when 5 stars and a shart guarantee crispy southwest egg rolls, and why you can never pack too much animal genitalia for transcontinental flights. 

The guys discuss why sharing a scoop of cottage cheese and half a tomato guarantees you’ll be at every PTA meeting, when kicking over a stroller will save you from being scammed, and how broken buttons are the leading cause of infidelity in Texas. 

The guys discuss how Jamaican enchiladas guarantee a successful marriage, when scoring 200 points during a robbery will only make the dog laugh at you, and why even the thrill of peppermint cannot save Damon and his self-proclaimed adequacy. 

The guys discuss how sultry train videos can be an acceptable substitute to funky minge, when arson can be considered foreplay, and why launching dipping sauces into space is about to become an acceptable normality. 

The guys discuss why it is so crucial to clock out prior to any workplace scuffle, when a chance meeting in Costa Rica instantly becomes deadly, and how Damon’s probably not a whale but definitely a mutant. 

The guys discuss how a very lucrative Ponzi scheme can easily be formed by just clearing out your unwanted organs, when homemade currency and/or ID card should immediately raise suspicion, and why you should never buy your weed from Tyler. 

The guys discuss why an overly generous employer makes going home nearly impossible, when hearing "just don't get it in his eyes" initiates a prayer for pepper spray, and how pork-filled sky scrapers will inadvertently regulate the price of a cup of coffee.

The guys discuss how being inquisitive about the location of a butthole can coax any teenager out of their room, when LOCATION is the single most important factor for proper interpretation of a cleverly titled 50K race, and why teaching a beaver to pull a rip cord is imperative when re-wilding Idaho’s wilderness.

The guys discuss how one man’s hatred of chivalry led to a revolving entrance, when it is no longer necessary to return a borrowed snorkel, and why the time of day should absolutely dictate the value of material items.