That Checks Out

The guys discuss why a man who hides in the bushes to photograph playgrounds should never run a youth internship program, when well-hung loaves of bread might just be the most appetizing thing you can eat in an alley, and how high you should fly the helicopter while searching for a ten foot tall spotted coyote. 

The guys discuss how a recent study would show that bungees have still yet to be proven as “optional” in extreme sports, when leaving a five star review will most likely result in a life sentence, and why having a low IQ will definitely stifle certain philanthropic gestures but inevitably could lead to future employment opportunities. 

The guys discuss how age matters more than you think engaged deep in the trenches of war, when taking your work home with you will actually relieve stress, and why a Coleman Thermos and Colon Thermos are two totally different things. 

The guys discuss how absorbent a sandwich can be in an emergency, when you only came for the eulogy but you stayed for the snacks, and why failing to properly inspect your free scarf will get you killed in Germany. 

The guys discuss how see through ponchos foil nearly all Japanese convenient store robberies, when being too fat will definitely cost you your donkey privileges, and why it’s so important to know which half of the Jello contains the urine.

The guys discuss why you should definitely eliminate salmon from your diet if you’re allergic to cocaine, when the right window treatments can prevent you from accidentally keistering an outdated brick phone, and how a noise cancelling shed next to a bus stop is all but irrelevant if you can’t convince your wife to “list it”. 

The guys discuss how a defective port-a-potty will ruin your sex life, when having “special socks”  makes playing left field for the Mets at 50+ a possibility, and why having sex with your neighbor 72 times almost always results in a lawsuit. 

The guys discuss why poorly hydrated goats will never be seen as attractive, when the inability to turn the pages of your diary inevitably means you’re going to die a virgin, and how much you should expect to spend to watch three strangers pleasure your wife to the point of tears while you hold her hand. 

The guys discuss how not everyone is designed to be an athlete, when safely navigating a boat trip relies not only on sidewalks but traffic patterns, and why being the smartest in the room and naked doesn’t protect you from “flying rats”. 

The guys discuss why you should always deny responsibility for the contents of your rectum, when having wheels means you don’t get line cuts, and how sifted muffins can be the leading cause of flesh wounds in at least one American household. 

The guys discuss how consuming Big Macs will inevitably constitute as birth control, when keeping your rotisserie chicken and karaoke machine dry is NOT the largest obstacle you’re being faced with, and why it’s better to die 130 years early than become a parent following a Tsunami. 

The guys discuss how much aluminum foil is necessary when jousting a Buick, when three wishes won’t make your oil light go out, and why not paying for your horse to ride the subway totally prevents you from handing out your golden pocket candy. 

The guys discuss why it is imperative to vet your wizards properly prior to completing any financial transaction, when is the best time to interact with nocturnal, wallet-less, lowballing vampires in need of transportation, and how “breaking off a piece” of 12 tons of Italian KitKat bars leads to a delicious black market. 

The guys discuss how urine soaked toasters make it nearly impossible to recoup your security deposit, when a perp can elude the police with a simple belly rub, and why a qualified Ball Rep and full ball sack increases your chances at $100,000. 

The guys discuss how the hands up on Ted’s hips means not one goodbye shall be heard,  when the “flopping” and “slapping” all but guarantees you’re going to give up that ambulance, and why “Those ARE supposed to be out!” was Damon Hasslehoff’s entire campaign platform in getting elected as Berlin’s Public Pool Commissioner. 

The guys discuss how the hyena’s extinction can only be prevented through simultaneous flipping, when creating a sound drop for a wildly popular podcast that is heard by dozens does not offer you infinite immunity to add to your exotic bird collection, and why it is so important to open every card from (Ba)Nana prior to litigation. 

The guys discuss how to properly disarm an 8-inch WW1 artillery shell, when a Pizza Surprise Attack will definitely confuse two grown men TWICE, and why not responding to your doctors requests made in random different voices merely confirms consent. 

The guys discuss why it is virtually impossible to fight “mirror demons” without a Feng Shui stick, when a one rock promise and a new thrift store wardrobe all but guarantees you the lead in a catchy pizza promotion, and how a naked man missing half of his sub sandwich still somehow has access to infinite Slim Jim’s. 

The guys discuss how watching someone fish could lead to a lifelong romance, when pushing your spouse off a cliff seems easier than consummating the marriage, why a universal remote goes better with wings than bleu cheese and celery. 

The guys discuss how almost all known statue related deaths revolve around  jealousy, when two hundred feet of extension cord and a Dyson will definitely get you a misdemeanor, and why Damon believes his tectonic plates must be shifting. 

The guys discuss how honey buns are the leading cause of prison breaks in Romania, when a comped order of mozzarella sticks will earn you hero status, and why pills in the 1700’s would often crawl away before being ingested. 

The guys discuss why a prison sentence will never stand between Donna and her “eternity”,when you can have $6 worth of fun with $4 worth of lettuce, and how bringing a $30,000 harp to the beach usually leads to meeting a lifeguard. 

The guys discuss why shark selfies are the #1 cause of lost Peace signs, where is the absolute most ignorant place to stand when determining your boyfriend is faking being a realtor, and how when one door opens it will also be closed by Doug. 

The guys discuss how a secondhand heart doesn’t make you bulletproof, when pink eye from a pastor might just save your life, and why an “agitated” alligator and a pocket full of sauces doesn’t always guarantee free chicken nuggets. 

The guys discuss why it is so crucial to know the passcode to your lady’s lingerie, when “Ted” becoming “Tom” during a space shuttle landing equates to infinite wealth, and how storage fees on a Boeing 737 are actually way more reasonable than you might think.