Reddit Asks Us

Hey man I’m new on the job so any work you do just let me take credit and we’ll get along just great! Also I forgot to flush the toilet so could you go ahead and do that for me? 

Don’t rock the boat by putting your elbows on the table?? Well sorry but we are about to experience a tsunami cause comfort MATTERS!

If anybody sees me driving this Prius I may have disappear forever…also do you think I’ll get a lot of likes on this ab pic for my IG??

A restaurant?? Alone? By yourself?? What do you like good food or something you LOSER?! 

Hey son, I love you…but did you ever think about my life and your life by extension are worthless if you don’t play the same sports as I did in high school? Good talk. 

Birds migrating at night? What do you think I’m that stupid?? Everyone knows birds can’t fly at night so those obviously bats. Really big ones though. With beaks. Huh. See new things every day I guess….

Okay hear me out…I know this deserted island has food and water and all the things we need to survive for a while…but I think we should take our chances in the middle of the Pacific

Hey babe, we needed more drama this year so I told everyone you cheated on me but I forgave you...❤️

Not only have I lost my keys...but I lost my bowl that I'm supposed to keep my keys is...and everything else in my apartment. Yanno I may have just gotten robbed

Well it turns out Australia is the scariest country in the world…and chickens aren’t pregnant when they lay eggs...

Being healthy? Living longer? No disease or pain? Sorry that’s going to be one billion dollars…ooof sorry 👉👈🤪

I mean I’ve been sticking carrots directly in my eyes for years but as it turns out it always comes back to Big Carrot trying to push their agenda 😒

No questions asked but I really need you to help me put in Rhinosaurus into this guy's car...trust me it's for the greater good of society and because I want to

No trust me bro *insert any streamer* knows a lot about crypto!! You'd be absolutely stupid not to invest!! I literally mortgaged my house because they told me it was a LOCK!!

Well sorry officer I personally believe it’s my god given right to walk around with this double bubble ice cream in my pocket…if you want it you’re gonna have to lick it off me yourself!

"I've asked you out like 12 times...so is this time a yes??" "And no princesses aren't allowed to have drivers licenses...or cars...or anything really...but it's because I'm a KING!"

Unfortunately Superman physics don't actually work and we cant build a "time machine" by "spinning the globe backwards" but I appreciate the enthusiasm :)

Smiling to yourself alone isn't going to start your journey into becoming the Joker...unless you're like me and starting talking to yourself and eventually scheming and plotting 😈

Not every man will speak with his words…sometimes its with his clothing, like not wearing any around the house…cuz damn its gettin hot down there 🥵

Get off my back mom and dad! Weed is a great investment!! Well…an investment in my sanity! How am I supposed to put a job application together when you’re stressing me outtttt…its literally my 45th birthday 

Yeaaa so turns out sleeping with my friends boyfriend isn’t going to ‘strengthen our relationship’ like I thought it would….oops! Also we have a date tomorrow so if you could not be in your house the would be great!

Yea I actually don't bathe because its such a waste of water and resources...I also don't wash my clothes either because duuuuh waste of water AGAIN!!

Yea actually company policy says I'm actually allowed to care for my children so sorry that doesn't fit into your schedule :( I filed complaint on your behalf to HR tho!

Yeaa so who would’ve thought it wasn’t a good idea to control a submarine with a PS5 controller…also didn’t think id have to tell you but please don’t take that nuclear waste home with you :)

I know you think I'm doing drugs, but even if you shoot that directly into your veins you'll realize it's dust from a T-Rex fossil...also I will be cleaning my own towels now.