If I Speak

Moya has been feeling anxious about her social life and wonders if there’s a better way to deepen her connections and friendships. Plus: advice for an international special one who feels directionless and disappointed. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash has a big theory about our growing fear of cringe. How does the internalisation of secondhand embarrassment change our behaviour? Is it possible that to be cringe is to be free? Plus: advice for a listener who’s become scared of sex. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

A weird interaction on the dancefloor gets Ash thinking about ambiguity. How do we balance the need for clear consent with the perks of mystery and uncertainty? Has growing up online increased our need for clarity? Plus: a friend who’s been separated from her besties. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

After quitting Instagram, Moya wonders if the concept of ‘healthy competition’ is a myth, and Ash explains how to hate with artistry. Plus: Taylor Swift chat (for the first 8 minutes, be warned!) and advice for a couple in a longterm sex drought. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya talk about porn, sex work, desire, ‘duty sex’ and more in a conversation sparked by a mystery question. Is AI-generated porn driving viewers to more extreme content? Has OnlyFans made it harder to be a woman on the internet? Plus: advice for a bisexual woman who’s got history with her new housemate. CN: This episode contains mentions of child sexual abuse at 18m and 23m. W...

Moya and Ash get their nerd on with a conversation about the rise of convenience and the loss of enchantment. How can we access feelings of wonder in a world of quick fixes? Is friction the spice of life? (With reference to LOTR, Jaws and Tony Stark.) Plus: when a so-called friend can’t do the bare minimum. The book Moya mentions is Gabe Bullard’s Against Convenience . Send us your dilemmas:...

What if we still haven’t processed what the pandemic did to us? Was Covid a permanent turning point for our social lives and mental health? Ash and Moya identify an ongoing yearning for connection amid the scare stories and the manic bounceback. Plus: is it your fault you’re still single? Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Moya and Ash think about how money changes our priorities. Should rich friends should pay for their poor friends? And how do income gaps affect our romantic relationships? Plus: what to do when your partner reveals an addiction. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships Send us your dilemmas: ifisp...

Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life? Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you. Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.thegu...

Ash has had life-changing experience for only £38. Has she found the key to escaping her fight-or-flight response? And what’s the best way to process anxiety? Plus: how to respond when your partner’s porn habit makes you feel weird. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@nov...

Have we finally had enough of hyper-consumerism? Moya and Ash confront the political crises that are changing our attitudes to spending, and what that’s got to do with the World Cup and cerulean sweaters. Plus: what to do when you’ve lost all motivation. Read the Vulture article about lifestyle influencers mentioned in the show. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Ge...

Trapped in the attention economy, Moya wonders if our reading habits are affecting our sense of self, and Ash offers a feminist analysis of ‘main character’ versus ‘NPC’. Plus: what to do when your politics drift away from your friends’. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: ifispea...

Ash dreams up a whole new category – Disasterclass – in order to talk about inevitable pain of rejection. Whether it’s jobs, romance, friends or success, how much damage can rejection ultimately cause? Plus: early reviews of the Andy Burnham era. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Symeon Brown in conversation at the Bernie Grant Arts Centre in North...

Former Vogue agony aunt Annie Lord joins Ash and Moya to talk about what happens if you let go of your ‘type’ and allow your romantic ideals to change. Her debut novel, The Project , is out now. (NB: Annie recommends Sharon Olds’ poetry collection Stag’s Leap.) Plus: advice for a man who’s feeling romantically jaded. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya answer a not-so-mystery question about male self-image and whether short kings really do lose out in the dating market. How does modern masculinity look and dress? Plus: advice for a listener fantasising about a romantic spark with a former colleague. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya get stuck into your dilemmas. Featuring: a POC friend whose new boyfriend votes Reform, a male coworker who’s gone from supportive to creepy, a woman who’s struggling to think before she speaks, an independent woman who’s dreading suburban life with her boyfriend, and an environmentalist weighing up a job in big tech. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxle...

* Last call for our show at Crossed Wires in Sheffield this Saturday, 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * A brush with an old enemy brings up big questions about letting go and moving on. What does forgiveness really mean in a secular society? Is punishment ever the answer? Plus: advice for a special one who fears they’ve outgrown their 15-year relationship. Send us your dilemmas:...

* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * ‘Tis the season! Moya and Ash explore the etiquette of the modern wedding, from cringey hen do to lavish ceremony to nightmare groupchat. And how does anyone afford it?! Plus: are we expecting too much from single straight men? Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music...

* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * Moya has a big theory about why wealthy elites seem to have stopped caring about culture, which leads to wondering if addiction and dependency are the best framework for understanding modern society. Plus: when you’re body-shamed by a much younger hook-up. Send us your dilemmas: if...

* Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live * Moya tunes into the background hum of money worries. Does our upbringing predict our attitude to finances? And does more money always equal more freedom? Plus: when to let go of a long-term romantic hangup. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

* Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! https://crossedwires.live * Ash talks to Moya about falling birth rates and the ‘crisis of association’ that’s stopping people from connecting with each other. It’s a big theory that touches on trust issues, getting offline and the coming backlash. Plus: a dilemma about financial infidelity. (Sorry about the banging. It’s builders outside...

The girl boss is back – and this time she’s working class, mixed race and fully therapised. Moya asks Ash how we should make sense of Skims entrepreneur Emma Grede and the success of her book, Start With Yourself. Plus: which fantasy archetype are you? Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaram...

Moya and Ash answer a mystery question about why so many people are going ‘no contact’ with their parents. How do our elders understand this epidemic of estrangement? Plus: How to deal with a jealous ex-boyfriend who lives down the road. Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music...

Ash went to the Songkran water fight in Thailand and now has a few questions about health and safety culture. Where do we draw the line between personal safety and freedom to take risks? Plus: should you chase a holiday romance? Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available here: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt H...

Ash and Moya are reunited and ready to answer a mystery question, inspired by Lena Dunham’s memoir Famesick: do we need more women mentors? Plus: a homesick ex-pat struggling to stay in contact with his family. Come to see us at Crossed Wires in Sheffield on 4th July! Tickets available now: https://crossedwires.live Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.