Grace + Boundaries: Navigating Intergenerational Trauma with Erin Hearts

I describe my lonely and guilty feelings as a divorced parent with her child gone for an extended period of time. Then I share about my recent sound healing session and how it brought me freedom and closure surrounding my fear of not being a good enough mom. Interested in a sound healing session with my therapist? You can go to http://www. Lynnestukart.com or email her at LynneStukart@gmail .com. ...

It is possible that your family has some dysfunctional patterns and you don't know it?  Unfortunately, it sure is.   I will talk about the covert dysfunction that cropped up in my life when I was a teenager, which I minimized most of my life. Then I will list markers of dysfunction that ourselves and family members might unconsciously demonstrate. The goal is to identify our patterns so that...

It's a bold statement, but my inner child feels it deeply. Love in a dysfucntional or enmeshed family is not love, it's codependency and control.  What is love? What is the kind of love that we want to show our children and others? We all might have different definitions, but the question is universally human.  I share my definition of what love feels like to me. I tell a story about bei...

Being sick triggers feelings of guilt for me. I feel guilty taking time off work when I know it will be a burden on others. I feel guilty not being the peppy mom to my son on the weekends when I need to rest. Going to the doctor even usually makes me feel worse because they are always so rushed and jaded.  Do you take time off work when you're sick? If so, good for you! That's the way it...

Do you notice the constant ebb and flow of parenting? Sometimes it feels like I'm rocking it, then five minutes later I'm rubbing my forehead with weariness.  I discuss my "peak" on Friday going on my son's field trip, then the "pit" Saturday morning when I had to complete a messy art project that was in danger of staining my whole house.  I tell the story of our...

Do you know what AFGO is?  Maybe it will help you the next time you feel stressed out or shameful.  I discuss my son's obsession with bad words and how I had a difficult weekend where I labeled what I was going through as AFGO to make myself laugh.  Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/ Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you...

Do you believe in the concept of the inner child?  It feels woo-woo to me, but I like woo-woo. Also, it's undeniable to me that I have connected with parts of me that are younger ages and been able to see that part as a child in my mind's eye.  I discuss how my therapist has introduced me to different ages of myself through my "parts" (Internal Family Systems Therapy). Giving t...

What does having healthy priorities mean to you? For me it means allowing myself to put my self-care and my son before my work. I used to live to work and now I work to live.  I share what unhealthy priorities looked like for me in the past and I tell a story about me making better decisions and learning how to live by my values and priorities for a happier life.  Healing is possible! I'd lov...

I've had so many people ask me, what is codependence?  It's difficult term to define, but I take a stab at in in this episode. I read some indicators of codependency from Melody Beattie's famous book Codependent No More and share a couple personal stories about how I first knew I might be codependent and the codependent slip-up I went through this week. Here's my favorite list...

Does criticism from other feel like deep pain for you?  I'm sensitive to criticism and sometimes it still makes me cry, even though I've done a lot of work around healing those hurt parts of me leftover from childhood.  I share a story of being criticized by a stranger yesterday. Instead of breaking me down towards further shame and sorrow, I was able to use this new knowledge about my p...

Have you said no lately? Let's practice. I had to say no this week to someone important: my mom. It was difficult, but it brought me so much freedom. I strive to be my most authentic self, and saying no is part of that. I share the gifts that can come from saying no, and I read a passage from a daily reader that discusses choosing to have a separate identity than those in our family of origin...

Are you attracted to emotionally unavailable people? I sadly have been for a lot of my life. Today I talk about why that happens and what we can do to change it. I discuss emotional availability and what that looks like to me today. I end with a story about a best-friendship I had in my 20's and how it masqueraded as deeply emotional, but was probably just a trauma-bond, which of course painf...

Quick- what are three things you love about being a parent?  Let's revel for a moment in the joy children bring into our lives.  I'm not denying that parenting is the hardest job in the world, but the paradox is that it is also the most joyful, free-spirited fun out there on the planet.  I love being a mom.  Today I talk about the fun my son had during a sleepover, and how I was able to...

What comes to mind when you hear the word humility?  To me, it's a strikingly beautiful concept that I see in the natural world that surrounds me.  I discuss a situation I went through recently where I had to stick-up for myself on a large-scale. To get through that terrifying time, I relied on my humility, my ability to surrender the outcome of the situation, and belief that if I become the...

Were you a compliant child who did everything your caregivers asked of you to stay in the bounds of their conditional love? I sure was. I was praised for being quiet and following the rules. I was deathly afraid of my own voice, which had the power to get me criticized, mocked, shamed, or rejected. I lost my authenticity and became a sponge to other people's blame. The compliant child gets pr...

One day in 2015 I Googled the words "Emotional Abuse" and I couldn't believe my eyes! My life was there in black and white.  Everything I read lead me back to one word: narcissism. But it wasn't the overt narcissist that I was dealing with. It took me a while longer to learn there is more than one type. We've all heard the word "narcissism" overused, but have you...

Sleeplessness, or insomnia, is one way that my body tells me I have some inner needs that need tending.  Using substances or sleep-aids block me from seeking the care my body and soul need to move forward.  I've experienced a lot of sleeplessness in the years leading up to my divorce and the six years afterwards. As I walk forward in my recovery from an abusive marriage and codependency, I st...

Three years ago, I had the awe-inspiring experience of having the Martha Beck as my life coach. These three sessions were written about in the September, October, and November issues of the O (Oprah) Magazine. Today I share what life-altering advice Martha gave me during those sessions, and how it helped me take my childhood abuse seriously. I discuss the sexual trauma I went through, and how it w...

Have you ever been emotionally triggered at work?  Of course you have, and so have I! Work is a microcosm that demonstrates our internal landscape. It's a mirror to our emotional inner-needs, just as all relationships with others can be.  As a survivor of trauma, I feel that my lower self-esteem and reliance on approval of others gets triggered often. Now that I am aware of these psychologica...

In my Delectable Delights series, I discuss five things that make life worth living for me at this moment: a show, music, book, podcast, and food. Today I discuss: 1. The movie The Lost Daughter: http://netflix.com http://news.yahoo.com/olivia-colman-maggie-gyllenhaal-dig-133052109.html 2. Author: Elena Ferrante (Italian author) http://elenaferrante.com/ The Lying Life of Adults My Brilliant Frien...

Today I discuss how I use the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), sometimes called "tapping," to help me feel my feelings and get to that place of cry. EFT helps repave our brains towards healthier connections. Neuroplasticity is amazing!!! It's helping me heal my trauma.   I share a story about how I recently gave up coffee and how that led me to overeating and angry, inflammatory a...

As a child, I learned many compliant and people-pleasing behaviors so I could hide from anger and ridicule. These codependent behaviors kept me safer as a child, but they are detrimental to me as a parent and in my adult relationships. As a parent, controlling my environment looks like me dominating and bossing my son around, which, at times, is inappropriate and disrespectful towards him. I share...

How big is your spirituality? Do you allow yourself the freedom to believe what you feel comfortable believing and leave out the rest? Today I discuss the evolution of my spirituality and religious beliefs over the years and how it changed after I realized I am part of the LGBTQ+ community. I discuss my decision to take my son to church, and how I've chosen to revel in the parts of church I l...

A story of synchronicity.  When I was able to let go as a parent, a miracle beyond my own imagination occured. Isn't that amazing? I love it. YOU can be the one you've always wanted to take care of you. Healing is possible! I'd love to hear from you! https://www.instagram.com/iheartserin/ Please rate and review the podcast to let me know you're listening! Thank you!

Should I stay or should I go? This is one of the hardest choices to make in a relationship be it a love relationship, a friendship, or even relationships with family. Staying or going might be an even harder decision for survivors of trauma, since we may have had less examples growing up of what a healthy relationship and healthy conflict looks and acts like. Today I'm going to discuss the bo...