Fortune Kit

A woman came up with an innovative scam to auction off Graceland and she was punished for it? Can we get a nostalgia tour performing the Voyager gold disk in full? And how come the guys on our money are a bunch of threes? Can't we get some hotter people on our dollars? Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

We should give free nukes as reparations to any place we nuked in the past like Christmas Island and Bikini Bottom. Also eTickets is generating dogshit AI images of every artist currently on tour. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE58hz8U0Ms

Alex's years-old prediction of Thin Lizzo has come true. Setlist FM shows that Justin Timberlake performed the hit jingle "I'm Lovin' It" live only once in Zurich. Flintstones animals liked to complain but in retrospect they had it pretty good. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfNUujzomI

The Blue Wiggle has been doing financial crimes so now the rest of the Wiggles need to do a Folsom Prison-style live album after they lock him up. And Jelly Roll needs to be careful that the Wiggles don't pull him back into a life of crime. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/138216396

Taylor Swift got engaged to a podcaster, Bob Dylan should make his own scam game console, and varispeed is musical bullet time. Fortune Kit on Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S11etkih2h0

Charles and Alex dive into "Pac-Man Fever" hitmakers Buckner & Garcia, listening to deep cuts about Waffle House, Angry Birds, and Saddam Hussein. Plus, Brian Epstein's ghost should have visited John Lennon in 1969 and told him to put the damn suits and moptops back on. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfNUujzomI

Machine Gun Kelly thinks he might be part alien. Jeff Bezos needs to send him and Tom DeLonge to space, unlike Katy Perry they have important research to do up there. Plus, Jeff Tweedy (I call him Greedy Tweedy) is throwing too many damn pitches for the NL Central. Lollicops (Charles' Version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSfNUujzomI Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Charles and Alex listen to Crazy Frog deep cuts while exploring many issues. Was Soulja Boy the American Crazy Frog? Are Romanian ticks extra good at blood sucking cause they have to compete with Dracula? Do different blood types hit different to a Dracula? Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Drake, Eve Barlow, and Pat Boone pay tribute to Ozzy. And maybe we need to consider the possibility that Billy Joel was completely sober when he crashed his car through someone's living room. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/264-famous-be-135486152

Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson should take over the development of Akon City. If Coldplay is using the kiss cam at the arena, why don't they use the scoreboard too? Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Musicians should start doing MLMs, selling fans merch in bulk for them to sell to each other. Plus, Jack White got his first cell phone. Now is the time to send your catfish DMs and ask for his Apple Pay. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Oasis is serving burnt scran for 20 quid at the gig. The Velvet Sundown will never work because they could never be as late for their own show as Lauryn Hill. The handkerchief code applies to Weezer albums and your favorite color album denotes what you're into sexually. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Pop stars should have Mousetrap-style Rube Goldberg devices onstage. Vince Neil falls for porn bots and a footwear startup is using the blockchain to generate an A.I. shoe design in space. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/260-beyonce-out-133366378

Eve Barlow memorializes Brian Wilson and Drake has the pass to accuse others of being goofs. Plus: Who wore it better? Will Smith or JoCat? Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Lil Wayne and Weezer linked up again to predictable results. Also, Bob Dylan should use a dick pic as his next album cover. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

We're the only people on earth covering the indie post-grunge band Puddle of Mudd. Plus, should we taxidermy Diddy? And how come we aren't making new mummies anymore? Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/257-kiss-machine-130869365

Blowback's Noah Kulwin (@nkulw) and Brendan James (@deep_beige) join Charles and Alex to make a more realistic version of Sympathy for the Devil. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Tommy Lee's wife gets catfished by a fake Ronnie Radke, Meghan Trainor embraces a new kind of body positivity, and Gene Simmons pretends to drink cum for disinterested casino crowds. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit

The New York Times went backstage with Gene Simmons, and Remove Paywall Dot Com gave us the full scoop. Plus, Meghan Trainor has been featured on the Wikipedia front page a suspicious number of times and one Wikipedian has had enough. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Puddle of Mudd debuts a new song during a Jiffy Lube oil change. The buried lede is that Wes Scantlin is responsible enough to get his oil changed. Plus, we should get rid of the Hollywood Walk of Fame and replace it with an ossuary full of all our best celebs' skeletons. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Charles and Alex debut "David Sirota" and run down the 10 most popular YouTube music videos of all time. Plus, who else remembers when we used to have breadcrumbs trails all over the ground? Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/252-money-should-127997622 "David Sirota" on YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Givy8DX0wJ0 On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/2oo5yoH3F4Nz0ni2mg...

Deadmau5 compromised the moral and spiritual integrity of Coachella by spraying silly string on people. The Romans would have killed so many Christians in the Sphere. And there's too many popes in Heaven. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit

Katy Perry is excited to learn more about STEM. Rivers Cuomo has a fucking Shakespeare sticker on his guitar and also the cops shot his bassist's wife. Shakespeare would have loved Spotify because there's so many "plays" on there. Does Robert Pollard ever do "cool teacher" stuff in his class, like bring in his guitar to sing songs about PEMDAS? Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortu...

Pete Best has retired. His old band the Quarrymen were on some Flintstones shit. The Beatles should have linked up with the Chipmunks in their prime, they were the two most famous varispeed bands basically doing the same shit. The Sgt. Pepper album cover was basically Fortnite just cramming a bunch of IP together. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www....

Why do dumb tech guys keep buying Napster? Was Obama even the best presidential candidate in the Choom Gang? Has rap lost the white pillhead? Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/248-who-is-snake-125929909 Charles's song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc3i9CKJzmI