Flying Free

Do you picture yourself and your children begging on the streets if you dare to leave? Are you overwhelmed at the thought of making ends meet as a single mom? Do you wonder how you'll pay for groceries, much less legal fees, if you escape? One of the biggest fears for women in abusive marriages is that they won't survive financially. And it's a fear based on a lot of truth.  But it's not the final...

When you react to  your husband’s abuse, it can feel like you’re the abuser. When he tells you how hard his childhood was, you may feel sorry for him. When you read about personality disorders, some of the symptoms fit you. When you read about mental illness, the symptoms also fit him.  Which makes you wonder… If your husband was abused, is it really fair to hold his harmful behavior against him ?...

If your life is already a tough pill to swallow, taking more medicine is the last thing you want to do. Gross.  But what if it's the "best medicine"? The type that makes you laugh-cry, hold your sides, and snort with glee. Laughter and joy and humor can transform the darkest days, the bleakest seasons, and the hardest nights.  And no matter what you've been through, you really can experience their...

If your child was starving and asked you for bread, would you make her eat from a dumpster?  If your child was dying of thirst and asked for water, would you pour sand down his throat? Are you that child? Starving for safety. And love. And honesty. And help. And tenderness. And dying a little more each day in their absence and their opposites.  So why doesn't God treat you like a daughter? Why doe...

Getting out of an abusive marriage can seem impossible. Especially when it comes to the money aspect. As in...where will you get it? How will you reenter (or start in) the work force? How are you going to add MORE to your already overflowing plate? And those emotions. The big ones that feel like a thick sludge up to your hips or a pile of wet blankets on top of you or a deep, aching hollow in your...

It took 11 words to change the world. 11 words misinterpreted. 11 words misunderstood. 11 words manipulated.  A single sentence from the mouth of God to the first woman...Eve. A pronouncement. A prediction. A curse. Or was it? Do you know these words?  Prepare yourself. Because you’re about to learn their TRUE meaning.  It might blow. your. mind. And it will change the world...again.  Why this epi...

Was there a day when you realized he was doing it all on purpose?   After all your tears, your pleading, and explanations, there was no way you could keep excusing his behavior.  His explanations didn’t fly.  You knew you didn’t hold the blame.  Maybe he finally, actually admitted it. As painful as that realization is, it’s also your secret weapon—knowledge that can empower you. Sound crazy?  In P...

You are married to a bully. If only he'd steal your lunch money or call you a dingus during math class and be done with it. Instead, he makes everything into a torturous game with changing rules that benefit one person. Himself. On the really bad days, you want to learn karate and get featured on the evening news. Take heart, sweet potato. There's a better way.  I've graphed his sleazy points and...

The length of your marriage. You’ll never forget it. 3 years of holes in the wall. 9 years of sleepless nights. 17 years of pleading. 25 years of silence. 43 years of lowering your standards again and again and again.  While the past can't be changed, and that time is set, your recovery is NOT . It has NO LIMIT . It has NO TIMELINE .  The depth of your pain and suffering do not outweigh your abili...

Have you ever talked to people who weren't there? Imagined conversations in your head? Perfected your argument while showering or lying in bed? I did that...and made it into a podcast.  But this conversation isn't with just one person. It's with tens of thousands of people. Pastors.  Because the survivor community knows the price of patriarchy in the church. We know the cost of being controlled ....

Your marriage was like a jigsaw puzzle. A big, confusing, fragmented mess.  Once you found the "abuse" piece, everything fell into place.  But are you prepared for what happens when you leave? Cause the gloves come off and the rulebook gets tossed out the window.  From two women who've been there and who've heard countless stories of the same, here's the cheat sheet for what you need to know when...

"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you.  The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away.  But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to. And he's counting on it.  You need to listen if: You're overcome with desperation to leave and c...

Why are you staying in your abusive marriage?  For many women, the price to get free seems too high. They fear destitution, losing their children, revenge by their husband, more trauma and heartache, a scarlet "D" on their chests, the legal hassle...the list goes on.  These are real, valid fears. And terribly high, but prevalent, costs. Which raise the question: Is it worth it? Amie experienced al...

If it's true that we learn from our mistakes, then I know a whole heck of a lot.  This episode, Part 2 of 2, is about the mistakes I made in church — the three main ways I lit myself on fire, with the encouragement of church leaders. All while trying to escape the inferno of an abusive marriage. Confused? Horrified? Thirsty? Then tune in. Cause it's tea time, and I'm pouring.  Check out these fire...

Put your stretchy pants on, cause this episode's a three-course dinner on what NOT to do once you realize your marriage is a hamster wheel of emotional abuse.  These three mistakes caused me greater pain, for much longer. But I didn't know then what I know now. Because when we KNOW differently, we DO differently.  And that's what Flying Free is all about. Dig in to: Unconscious messages I ingested...

Abusers are terrified. They mask their fear with rage, manipulation, false piety, and good ole-fashioned bullying.  If they're actually weak, scared babies, how are they so powerful and unchecked in churches (and in marriages)?  Because you're afraid too. And you're also really good at pretending. All while being destroyed.  It doesn't have to be this way anymore, and I can show you how...to fly f...

If my husband has a mental health issue or a personality disorder, does that excuse his abusive behavior? My husband isn’t the typical abuser; is my marriage actually abusive or just bad? Am I wrong for wanting privacy that my husband demands I should give up? How will I know for sure that my abuser has changed? Since I’ve made the decision to stay in my marriage for now, how can I grow while doin...

Love lets evil do whatever it wants, pretends nothing's happened, and calls a prison a palace. Right? This is the kind of "biblical" message Christian counselors often tout. And it's killing women and children, whether all at once or piece by precious piece.  If you've been hurt by "love," especially when you were desperate for help and safety, you've got an advocate in Cindy Burrell. Strap in bec...

You've got two options and you HATE them both. You know you're married to an abuser, but you DON'T want a divorce. So...you're staying. But will you be consumed by your husband's reckless hate? Can you and Jesus be enough in the years to come? Will healing happen in the midst of destruction? Can you survive staying married and, what's more, thrive? Is it even possible to stay well in an abusive ma...

Ugly. Fat. Frumpy. Gross. These words ache inside of you and echo in your mind. Maybe they were said to you, maybe they were shown to you, maybe society planted them in your mind. Recovering from abuse isn't just about healing the inside, it's about manifesting life on the outside.  You were created to embody beauty and appreciate it — in your smile, with your clothes, your hair style, even the ma...

Ever feel like the human version of a fly trap, attracting all the wrong guys? You've escaped one horrible relationship only to find yourself being taking advantage of by a new creep or a long string of them. So, what's the key to flipping your magnetic force so you repel toddlers in grown-up bodies and attract only real men?  The secret isn't a dating app, compatibility algorithm, or a 75-step ch...

From husbands as masters to pimps as owners, women were made to be dominated. Meghan saw it firsthand in third-world countries through the practice of female genital mutilation. She saw it in missionary organizations that refused to let women lead. She saw it in her own story. What we believe about gender roles affects every area of our lives and every corner of the Earth. The answer to this wides...

Living in abusive environments doesn’t just harm our hearts, bodies, and souls, it also wrecks our ability to have healthy relationships. When all you know (or most of what you know) is unhealthy, navigating friendships, family, romance, and even relationships with other survivors can be messy, confusing, and painful.  I answer a listener question about the challenges of relationships after abuse...

Sex is a Catch-22 for you. If you say "yes," it's out of obligation. You feel used, disgusting, disconnected, and sad afterward. If you say "no," you pay for it, 10x over...or he does what he wants to anyway, to you or with something/someone else. So do you really have the right to say "no" to your husband, or are you stuck in a marriage that is really just domination...and a body that you can't e...

Some people believe that if your goal is to help people get free from abusive relationships, you can't really love and honor marriage. Many people believe true Christians go to church regularly and always read their Bibles. Most people want easy, clear-cut answers to their difficult, personal questions. But there is no one-size-fits-all approach to faith, marriage, or life. And that's not a bad th...