A Codependent Mind

Unlike Codependency, Dependency Personality Disorder is listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual as a recognized personality disorder. Both Dependency and Codependency, however, share many maladaptive behaviors and can be rooted in negative childhood experience. In this episode, we discuss the many negative ways dependency, including narcissistic dependency, can show up in relationships and exp...

In this season, we investigate core concepts about relationships and the ways in which codependent behaviors can make it difficult to form and sustain loving, intimate relationships. Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 7.  It is available now on Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com...

Rooting out codependency involves going back to the source, to where the codependent habits and behaviors first formed. This is a clip from Season 3, episode 5 where Brian discusses the effect his dad's anger had on him as a child.  The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

This episode is a continuation of the previous episode, S3 - #12 Beyond Codependency - 12 Steps. We discuss steps six through 12. Below are all 12 steps, plus reference to previous episodes that expand on the ideas and actions described by each individual step.  1. I admitted that I was powerful, that my life could be manageable. S1 - #5 Codependency and Lack of Agency S3 - #10 Beyond Codependency...

In " The Big Book " of Alcoholics Anonymous, 12 steps are suggested as a program of recovery. Those 12 steps have been adopted, with minimal changes, by Co-dependents Anonymous . Brian did not find the CoDA or the AA steps helpful in his efforts to understand and change his codependent behaviors, but the act of writing out his own 12 steps was a helpful exercise. In this episode we discuss 12 step...

Along with shame and fear, anger and resentment are two challenging emotions for people with codependent habits to deal with. That was certainly the case for Brian. In this episode we explore the differences between anger and resentment, where they come from, how Brian dealt with them in the past and what his approach is now.  In this episode: 00:01:39 Anger as a 'bad' emotion' 00:02:30 Aristotle...

In this episode we revisit the idea and definition of codependency that we laid out in the very first episode. In doing this podcast, talking with each other and interacting with listeners, we have learned even more about what makes up this web of codependency and have come to understand it as a spectrum of habitual behaviors that can be mild or severe. Most importantly, we have learned that these...

One-sided caretaking is a hallmark of a codependent relationship. But caretaking is a natural human instinct. How do you know if the caretaking you are doing is healthy and appropriate or if it is a codependent habit? Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:01:13 Healthy Versions o...

In this episode, we answer listener questions.  00:00:52 Question 1 00:14:04 Question 2 00:22:43 Question 3 1. Was there ever a time you felt like the investment in helping Brian break through his trauma was too much for you or not healthy for you? 2. How do you take the power back from the other side of a trigger? How do you stand against those negative feelings? 3. What kind of resource did you...

The Serenity Prayer is often said at 12-step meetings like Alcoholic Anonymous and even Codependent Anonymous. But it can challenging to enact, especially if you were caught in codependency's web as Brian was. Now that he has recognized and recovered from a lot of his codependent habits, he has a new understanding of and appreciation for it.  Serenity Prayer - God, grant me the serenity to accept...

If shame is not resolved, it can just build up and up until the pressure of trying to suppress it gets to be too much.  Then what do you do with it? One way Brian attempted to relieve the pressure from his pent up shame was 'shame-venting' or over-sharing. We discuss how shame-venting works as well as other, unsuccessful ways that Brian attempted to manage his unresolved shame.  Get even more guid...

In this episode we take the opportunity to talk more about Brian's 'family of origin' and how it had more of an effect on the development of his codependent behaviors than either of us realized. Brian discusses his father's anger issues, his mother's emotional immaturity, and the impact these had on his childhood and later relationships. He also expresses a newfound understanding and empathy for h...

In this episode, we talk about the different kinds of relationships Brian has had in his life - with abusive people, with other 'codependent's, and with 'healthy' people. Stephanie and Brian discuss how they connected even though Brian was still struggling with codependent behaviors, some of the challenges they faced and how they worked through them.  Get even more guidance in healing from codepen...

People pleasing sounds good. Why wouldn't we want the people in our life to be pleased? In this episode we explore the connect between people pleasing and codependency and discuss the problems people pleasing can create if it becomes a habitual response to others. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon...

Codependency is not an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders. What does that mean and does it matter? And what is a diagnosis anyway? How can it help or hurt the healing process? Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  Find us at: https:...

There is a lot of talk about personal boundaries these days - having them, respecting them, enforcing them. But what exactly are personal boundaries? Brian and Stephanie do a deep dive into the concept of boundaries. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:04:53 Back to the boundar...

In this episode, we flip the script and Stephanie discusses her experiences loving, and trying to form a relationship with, someone who engages in codependent behaviors.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  00:03:03 Stephanie's past 00:04:35 Jekyll and Hyde 00:08:39 Inauthentic ca...

Even after largely healing from the trauma that started Brian down the path of codependency, he was still left with the behaviors that formed in response to that trauma. So although the source of the codependency had been removed, the symptoms, the habituated behaviors, lingered and kept showing up in his relationships in the form of a default sense of powerlessness. In this episode, we discuss wh...

Stories are powerful tools to help us understand ourselves and our lives. Unfortunately for Brian, many of the stories he adopted or told did just the opposite - served to further cloud and obfuscate what was happening in his internal and external life. In this episode we discuss how he uncovered the true stories of who he was and what had happened to him.  Get even more guidance in healing from c...

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode we discuss the steps that Brian took to repair the damage done to his emotional system by abuse and trauma. From capacity building through understanding and now working on mastery, Brian has been able to tame t...

FREE for a limited time - get the eBook on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V This season explores how Brian worked to 're-make' his codependent mind. In this episode we discuss the challenges that Brian faced in getting started on that process and what was needed for him to begin to heal both the trauma and the codependency.  00:01:55 Background on Brian and Stephanie 00:04:11 The need...

The process of learning what emotions are and how manage them was interrupted for Brian at a very early age by abuse and trauma.  Because of that, he never really learned how to identify his emotions or what to do with them.  This amounted to emotional immaturity and made it difficult for him to form healthy, intimate relationships and left him vulnerable to further abuse and trauma. Get even more...

Shame evolved to give us information about the world. But trauma induced shame can be overwhelming and crippling, even life-threatening. Understanding the role shame played in his life and fueled his codependent behaviors, was key to Brian's healing process.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/...

What is involved in the concept of 'personal agency'? How is agency or its lack connected to codependent behaviors? We explore Brian's experience with those questions in mind. Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V  In this episode: 00:02:44 Personal agency defined 00:04:51 How it dev...

Narcissists are an especially dangerous and toxic pairing for people with codependent behaviors, due to the way each person’s maladaptive behaviors work together. In this episode we discuss the general characteristics of narcissism and then detail Brian's two, back-to-back, romantic relationships with abusive narcissists.  Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobo...