A Codependent Mind

Set boundaries! Respect yourself! Easier said than done. In this episode we discuss our own recent struggle to maintain our boundaries/self-respect while also trying to maintain a friendship. We discuss recognizing guilt, shame, and resentment, setting limits, and choosing to stay or leave when negotiation fails.   https://www.codependentmind.com/ Thank you for rating and reviewing the podcast and...

Brian recently read through both our books and did some self-analysis on where he is at on his 'growth journey.' In this episode we discuss some of his findings. If you interested in reading the notes he took while reading, sign up for our newsletter on our website.  https://www.codependentmind.com/

Brian and Stephanie come back for an ad hoc season and start with another discussion of shame. This time they tackle the question of what kind of relationship work shame can do and how it can cause relationship dysfunction (and how it has in their relationship). Brian goes in to more detail about the ways in which shame continues to impact him and how it moves through it when it does.  https://www...

The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold. We end the book, and this season, with a discussion of gratitude. This chapter and the first chapter of the book will remain available o...

The full book in paperback, hard cover and eBook available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6M5X5M/ The audiobook is available on our website: https://www.codependentmind.com/ It is also on Amazon, Spotify and most other places where audiobooks are sold.   Me, You & Us  Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Las...

Our new book is available in eBook format: ! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT In this episode, we revisit the topic of caretaking and how it can be a tool for strengthening the sense of partnership within a relationship. Thank you for followin...

The 5 Love Languages claims to be a "simple and effective" tool for strengthening your connections. We explore that claim.  Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com The audiobook can be purchased from PayHip . Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1

For most of his life, Brian believed that his primary challenge in relationships was mastering the tool of "being present." He thought that if he could just fully grasp this skill, everything in his life and relationships would significantly improve. However, regular listeners to this podcast will recognize that this belief was far from accurate. We discuss how he understood the tool of being pres...

In this episode, we building on the Boundaries episode and talk more about Relationship Boundaries in particular. How can you use relationship boundaries do develop a greater sense of partnership? How do we find a balance between protecting the relationship from outside threats and having expansive enough boundaries that the relationship can continue to grow and thrive? 00:02:19 Relationship statu...

In this episode, we take on the complex emotion of jealousy, exploring its potential as a constructive tool within relationships. As we have discussed in previous episodes emotions, including jealousy, are neither good nor bad but rather signals offering valuable insight. Learning how to use jealousy as a tool involves being able to interpret and apply the information that jealousy offers.  00:00:...

We have talked about entitlement quite a bit. Mostly about how Brian's narcissistic partners have used their feelings of entitlement as fuel to abuse and mistreat him and other people. In this episode we explore how the feelings of entitlement can be used productively to strengthen a relationship rather than degrade it.    You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook...

In Season 4, we had a four part series on codependency, trauma and sex. In this episode we focus on the role sex can play in a relationship For Brian, shifting from a performance mindset to a connection mindset made all the difference.  You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ1 The full audiobook can be purchase...

Communication is vital to any relationship, but for those of us with relational trauma, it can be difficult to figure out what that means. If we aren't getting yelled at or insulted, it feels like good communication. Bad communication is when someone is disappointed or upset with us. Join us as we talk through Brian's new understanding of the role communication has played and can play in his relat...

In this episode we discuss the relationship tool of attention. Paying attention can be difficult for people with relationship trauma and codependent habits. It was certainly challenging for Brian. Healing codependency has involved re-learning how to use the tool of attention, directing its use to building strong connections with people we care about who care about us.    00:01:22 Feeling close - m...

Brian spent most of his life being 'conflict avoidant' at least that is how he understood it. Really the powerlessness and shame that underlied his codependency meant that any interpersonal conflict felt existentially threatening. In this episode we discuss how to approach conflict differently such that it functions as a tool for learning and connection rather than destruction. You can reach us at...

Can you tell the difference between a genuine apology and apology theater? In this episode, we discuss to tool of apology - how narcissists use it, how Brian used it codependently and how to use it authentically to make long lasting repairs to relationships.  00:02:30 Apology Theater 00:03:20 Narcissistic Apologizing 00:07:19 DARVO 00:13:09 Codependent Apologizing 00:19:12 Authentic Apologizing 00...

Be grateful! We are told that at various points on our lives as was to cure numerous ails in our lives and in the world. In this episode, we talk about what gratitude can and cannot to for your relationships.   Thank you for following, liking, reviewing - it helps other people find the podcast. You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.com Get your Paperback or eBook copy on Amazon: https://www....

As discussed in a previous episode, Brian used money to fuel his codependent habits. Healing from codependency also involved developing a new understanding of the role money plays in his life and his relationship. In this episode, we discuss what kind of tool money is and what challenges and opportunities it presents.  In this episode: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (Wikipedia) 00:01:01 Financial Cod...

Boundaries are an expression of the distinction between me and you. Understanding and respecting that distinction is critical when setting up a relationship structure that will be stable and supportive for both people in the long run. For those of us who experienced relational trauma as children, developing an understanding of ourselves as separate, autonomous beings can be compromised right from...

In this episode we discuss the importance of self knowledge in relationships - what it is, what happens in its absence, how to get it and how it functions.  00:02:22 Codependency as self erasure 00:05:47 Examples of lack of self knowledge 00:09:32 Consequences and shame 00:12:11 Shame relief 00:15:05 The codependency framework 00:20:15 Asking questions You can reach us at: http://codependentmind.c...

If lying forms the basis of codependency then the antidote must be telling the truth. Unfortunately it is not that simple (or that easy!) In this episode we discuss the powerful tool that is the truth and how to learn to wield it safely and effectively.  Thank you for liking, rating, reviewing the podcast and the book. We appreciate your support and it helps others find us.  Get your Paperback or...

Building on the last episode's discussion of lying, we talk about how to act less like a lawyer and more like a detective when trying to answer the question "am I being codependent?" 00:00:28 Am I Being Codependent? 00:04:49 Inner Lawyers 00:09:58 Codependency Detective Work 00:12:00 A Case Study 00:21:42 Evidence for Codependency 00:29:06 Case Study #2 Get your Paperback or eBook copy of our book...

In honor of Brian's birthday, get the e-book FREE on Amazon from Nov. 14 - Nov. 18. https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency-ebook/dp/B0CYB1K31V Relationship tools are neither good nor bad on their own. In this episode we talk about three tools that are pervasive in relationships marked by codependency - lying, resentment and defensiveness. These were Brian's go-to too...

Curiosity is an important tool for doing the relationship work of fostering understanding and deepening connection. In this episode we discuss  the transformative power of curiosity, drawing on philosophical insights and evolutionary psychology. We explore how Brian's curiosity was stifled—both by external influences, like critical relationships, and internal struggles, such as fear and disassocia...

Have you've been told or have you told yourself that 'relationships take work' as a reason to accept behaviours or a relationship that is not serving your needs? This season is about relationship tools, but we shouldn't use these tools to make a relationship work that isn't serving us. So what does 'work' mean in the to the context of a loving, healthy relationship? Brian and Stephanie discuss in...