A Codependent Mind

Experiencing relational trauma and subsequent relationship disorders, whether codependency, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, BPD can make empathy challenging. Not that the feelings aren't there, but often the empathetic system is so wounded that it is difficult to stay in a place of empathetic responsiveness. But empathy is a critical tool in forming and maintaining intimate relationships....

In Season 7, we return to the theme of Season 4 with episodes that focus on relationships. What are some of the tools, concepts and practices that we feel keep our connection strong and loving? Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 4.  It is available now on Amazon:  https://www...

Brian and Stephanie discuss what they learned in writing the book including the role of Brian's mother, the similarities between narcissism and codependency, the power of re-writing stories and the intrangency of the codependent habits.  The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.sp...

This episode, Brian reads Chapter One from the book, The Making and the Re-Making of a Codependent Mind. The full audiobook can be purchased on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/Making-Re-Making-Codependent-Mind-Codependency/dp/B0D2LYSJC3/) and Spotify ( https://open.spotify.com/show/4fzyWWfGTv34T5Hev7DsOP ) and other platforms.  Buy now in paperback or eBook form: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYH7TMZ...

Money talks, as they say, and in this episode we hear about the financial dimensions of Brian's codependency. For most of his life, money was not a tool for Brian to express his values and achieve his life goals; instead, it was fuel for his codependent habits - people pleasing, caretaking, lack of boundaries. His financial codependency, not surprisingly, did not lead to financial health; it lead...

We have described codependency as an interpersonal relationship dynamic, but in doing so, we may have inadvertently left out a whole category of relationships in which codependency can manifest - relationships with our pets. In this episode, we discuss the pets that Brian has had (dogs and cats) and the ways in which his codependent behavior habits showed up in those relationships. We also reflect...

Learn more about Nicole's coaching practice, Meaning in Medicine, here: https://www.meaninginmed.com/about The Enneagram Test -  free test . Be sure to select the "Classical Test."  Read about your results through the Enneagram Institute here .   In this episode we explore the phenomenon of codependency within professional environments, particularly the healthcare field, with our special guest, Dr...

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode, Brian and Stephanie talk with Rebecca about the emotional complexities of self-discovery and growth within the context of codependency. We discuss Rebecca's relationships,  her struggle with being vulnerability, and the challenge of...

Chris shares with us his story of codependency recovery. From a lonely, difficult childhood, through two marriages to disordered partners, through isolation, depression and despair, Chris found his way out of codependency and in to a loving, transformational relationship. His story, like as our other guests, offers both inspiration and hope.  Mentioned in this episode:  Podcast: Not I - Not Isolat...

In this episode, we talk with Stephanie's friend Bea, who has struggled with codependent behaviors her whole life. Her last relationship ended when she realized that it was not a relationship in which she felt seen or safe - her role in the relationship was to be the person her partner needed and wanted her to be and left no room for her authentic self. Since leaving that relationship, she has bee...

In this episode we ‘hear’ from narcissists as Brian shares his hardwon insight into narcissistic behaviors coming from decades of friendships and relationships with narcissistic people. Building on conversations from previous episodes, we discuss the ways in which codependent behaviors and narcissistic behaviors overlap before reviewing the ways in which they form a toxic complementarity. And if y...

In this episode, we talk with Taylor about the roots of the codependent behaviors, their challenges in breaking free from those behaviors and finding a sense of identity, the lessons they have garnered and the insight they have achieved. Taylor shares their experiences with a chaotic upbringing, influenced by their mother's alcoholism, and discusses the challenges faced during childhood, such as d...

In this episode, we hear from Brinn about her journey of self-discovery, including her exploration of codependency patterns, her family's dynamics, and her own relationships Brinn talks about her family roles, her father's history as an adult child of an alcoholic, her sister's addiction struggles, and the impact these had on her. She shares her experience of repeatedly falling into similar relati...

In this episode, we have a candid and open conversation Carly about her personal journey of overcoming codependency, people-pleasing, and addiction. She shares with us her childhood experiences growing up in a chaotic household with drug addiction and mental illness including turning to drugs and sex at a young age as a way to find acceptance, love and escape from emotional turmoil.   We also touc...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode, we expand on the discussion of interdependence, that we started in episode 2 or Season 4 ”Dependency, Codependency and Interdependence”. We use the lens of ”You, Me, Us” to explore what we owe ourselves in relationships, what we owe the other...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode we discuss the intersection of gender with codependency. We explore how gender roles and expectations can be sources of trauma, leading individuals to internalize shame and feel pressure to conform. Gendered expectations can also reinforce cod...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V As a preview of Season 5, when we will be introducing more voices into the conversation, we have a guest on this episode. Jason reflects on his struggles with codependent behaviors and the origins of these behaviors in their family of origin. He discusses exp...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode, the final one in our 'mini-series' about sex and codependency, we discuss Brian's past experiences of sexual trauma and how they had led to codependent behaviors in his relationships. We highlight three key elements that contributed to his cu...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2...

In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that the trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2 and part 3). This episode covers the sexual trauma Brian experienced in his relationship with R.  In this episode: 00:00:37 Sexual Traum...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V One subject that we have not discussed with much depth is sex, even though it is an important component of human relationships and it played a central role in Brian's struggle with shame and fear of intimacy. In this episode, we put sex front and center, talk...

Vulnerability, a key ingredient for emotionally intimate relationships, can be difficult for people struggling with codependency. Brian developed codependent behaviors in order to try to protect himself from emotional harm, so deliberately being vulnerable with another person felt very scary and almost unnatural. In this episode we discuss the role of vulnerability in intimacy and the challenges w...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V This episode we celebrate one year of doing the podcast! It has been a tremendous learning experience for both of us, we have each learned a lot about ourselves and it has strengthened and deepened our connection to each other. We have also learned so much fr...

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon -  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V Trust has been a major issue in our relationship. Brian's codependent habits, which included people pleasing and reflexive lying, made it difficult to for him to trust himself and consequently, difficult for Stephanie to place her trust in him and in the rela...

Learning how to regulate your emotions is a critical to be able to go on to develop healthy, stable relationships. Unfortunately, that learning is interrupted and/or distorted for many people; it was for Brian. We discuss how what emotional regulation (or, more accurately, emotional dysregulation) looked like in Brian's family and how that fed in to the codependent relationships he formed througho...