Untoxicated Podcast

Addiction sucks so much of the air from any relationship. Then in early sobriety, recovery work replaces alcohol taking priority over the alcoholic’s family. As recovery continues, that third energy intruding on the relationship morphs into replacement addiction and other family issues. Having something there, the third side of the triangle, becomes a compulsive need in and of itself. In thi...

It’s the story of a romantic courtship and the rekindling of a spark felt when they were in their youth. Bhavini loved him and wanted so badly for it to work that she ignored the red flags that she recognizes only now in hindsight. As she processes her whirlwind experience as the spouse of an alcoholic, she pays tribute to love, learning and a deep thoughtfulness woven through her emotionall...

Bravery is not just about what you do or say or refuse to tolerate. There is another component. Bravery is also about what you are up against. In this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss his relentlessness as a tyrannical protector of their family secret, and what bravery was in Sheri’s circumstances. Sometimes, often really, survival is a remarkable display of tremendous bravery. Sheri and Matt...

Who has the right to tell the story and seek support? When you are involved in an alcoholic marriage, your stories are woven together, and opening up means shame and anger. But it also means relief and healing. How do you find balance? That’s the topic that ten very experienced loved ones explore LIVE from our Echoes of Recovery retreat in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Sheri and Matt start t...

Ep200 was Cathryn’s story. Sheri’s and Matt’s insightful and intelligent daughter shared her experiences of growing up with high-functioning alcoholism, and she revealed things on that episode that shocked Matt and confirmed Sheri’s sadness. On this episode, Sheri and Matt react. This is not about defensiveness. This is about the very start of coming to grips with the destr...

What better way to honor our bicentennial episode than with the most special guest in the history of the podcast, Sheri’s and Matt’s daughter. Cathryn describes in painful detail what it is like to grow up in a house with a high-functioning-alcoholic parent. It is amazing how many similarities they discuss between the defense mechanisms of the children and the defense mechanism of the...

There are short-term relapses that last a day or a weekend or a week, and there are long-term relapses that last weeks or months. Can you guess which type of relapse Sheri and Matt have come to believe is more dangerous? Like everything else related to addiction and recovery, the answer is counterintuitive (and worth a listen). Also, Matt guesses right. Kelly Miller’s awesome new podcast is...

She is back with her signature combination of charm, empathy and brutal honesty that many of our listeners recognize from her engaging and informative YouTube channel, Put the Shovel Down . Addiction Counselor Amber Hollingsworth makes a return appearance on the podcast – this time answering questions from lots of our listeners and participants in our Echoes of Recovery group. In addition to...

This episode quickly devolves into an hour long therapy session for Matt. He and Sheri talk about judgement, shame and hiding, with a healthy dose of religion and spirituality in reaction to a listener question. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to  matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com . If you love or l...

Guilt can be a motivator. Guilt can be a moral compass. Guilt is not all bad. But the guilt that builds and festers in a family that is dealing with alcoholism is anything but helpful. On this episode, Sheri and Matt discuss the distinction, and offer suggestions for how we can manage the overwhelming guilt experienced in an alcoholic partnership. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a li...

Back home Again in Indiana, and Sheri and Matt were thrust unexpectedly into the deep end of alcohol impact. If you think addiction is required in order for alcohol to leave painful, traumatic memories, give this episode a listen. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? if so, send your question to  matt@SoberAndUnashamed.com...

The bathing suits, blue ocean waves and smiling faces posted to social media don’t tell the true story of vacations for families experiencing alcohol addiction or early sobriety. The truth behind the strained smiles is nothing short of trauma. And the anxiety caused by past vacation implosions can haunt the loved ones for years to come. On this episode, Sheri and Matt are thrilled to host a...

Sheri and Matt talk about the individual pieces of recovery all the time: resentment processing, nervous system stabilization, trust building, intimacy, etc. But until now, they have never put the pieces together on a timeline. In this episode, they lay out what might be expected as you move through the stages of recovery from alcoholism – as individuals, and as a couple. Sheri and Matt star...

Seven women who have made the impossibly difficult choice to move on from alcoholism through divorce talk about the challenges and the triumphs of their own personal recoveries. Some had small children, some had grown children and some had no children at the time of divorce. In come cases, their ex-husbands are now sober. In some cases, their ex-husbands are still drinking. Tragically, one of the...

Many of the people finding success in the alcoholism recovery community embrace some form of assigning the blame to the alcohol. And yet, so many people who are trying to recover, both the alcoholics and the loved ones, struggle with this concept. On this episode, Sheri and Matt break it down and try to identify the obstacles that keep people stuck: accountability, envy, fear and anger. Sheri and...

If you are the spouse of an alcoholic, you deserve sobriety. But even once your relationship enters sobriety, you deserve more. You deserve a partner who carries his own weight, and is tough enough to hear the hard stuff. It is not enough to expect what you deserve. You have to be strong enough to demand it. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the...

Sheri and Matt break trust down into three components: safety, intimacy and honesty. Trust is the last thing to come back in a marriage that has suffered through alcoholism, and understanding how to work on this tripod of relationship recovery is critical. Don’t underestimate how much harder repair is versus starting over fresh. Also, Matt shows how old he is by sharing lots of stupid saying...

The threat of relapse after an inpatient rehab is real, but the threat is coming from more directions than we might understand. Sheri and Matt talk about threats posed by loss of identity, a lack of emotional expression, and the trading of self-care for stress. Be cautious when those 30 days are up. No matter what the calendar or the insurance company says, growth and discovery are never over. Unl...

As a drinker, alcohol was an major component of Matt’s identity. And alcohol also influenced how he had fun. Phrases like, “Work hard, play hard,” and, “You’ll get all the sleep you need when you’re dead,” were Matt’s mantras. So when alcohol is foundational to your identity, and play-hard partying is an emotional motivator, how the hell do you know...

Did the definitive statement of this episode title get your attention? We know there are strong emotions when it comes to sex and intimacy in relationships impacted by alcoholism, and Sheri and Matt continue to try to navigate their own experiences, stirred together with what they are learning both formally and informally. Matt reveals the identity of his intimacy hero, and Sheri starts the episod...

Get ready to get your nutrition, exercise and healthy habits on with Graham Hawley – certified health and wellness coach, Matt’s soccer buddy and the inspiration behind Sheri’s and Matt’s plan for resentment processing (if you are sick if hearing the couple talk about weekly meetings, this is the guy you can blame). Follow Graham’s excellent videos and other resources...

What happens when the person you trust and most rely on for mutual protection becomes the most dangerous person in your life? Does this sound like a setup for Matt to exaggerate? Hear Sheri’s emotion, and decide for yourself. See if you can listen, and still downplay the impact. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question Do you want to ask the couple something too? i...

Warning – Discussion includes talk of self harm. Living with alcoholism means trying to keep the truth a secret. But as alcoholism progresses, the truth seeps out. Sheri and Matt are joined by Mindy and Deb who have both lived with and loved alcoholics, and share traumatic stories of truth. Sheri and Matt start the episode by answering a listener’s question. Do you want to ask the couple som...

Sheri and Matt react to Amber Hollingsworth’s advice from Ep181 about how the spouse of an alcoholic can respond to the behavior of the person suffering from addiction. Their discussion about their real-life experience demonstrates how challenging these relationships are to navigate, and how unprepared we all are for the impact of alcohol on our lives. Sheri and Matt start the episode by ans...

She is an addiction counselor who values the role of the family in the addiction recovery process. She shares a wealth of resources on her Hope for Families website. But many of our listeners know her for her engaging and informative YouTube channel, Put the Shovel Down . She is the one and only Amber Hollingsworth, and to Sheri’s and Matt’s considerable delight, she is our guest on th...