Untoxicated Podcast

Overstaying at the party, making grandiose plans, saying stupid stuff, passing out in public, missing all the social cues: Sheri and Matt talk about his behavior in his intoxicated summers, and how it impacted her and their kids. If you hear examples that feel familiar, please know that it is not OK and you are not alone. Please go to  UntoxicatedSurvey.org  to better understand the impact of alco...

Emotional safety is critically important to both relationship recovery, and also individual growth and discovery. We are triggered to soothe when we don’t feel safe, and authentic connection is impossible without safety. Sheri and Matt suggest the things that help them feel more individually safe, and mourn connections lost. Please go to  UntoxicatedSurvey.org  to better understand the impac...

Matt understands that his drinking and past emotionally unsafe behavior created for Sheri triggers and traumas. Reaching that understanding was a slow evolution through years of curiosity and growth for them both. On this episode, the couple talks about progressing from, “I got sober for you. What more do you want from me?” through all the stages of awakening and awareness. They also t...

When asked about the impact on a relationship when an intoxicated partner begs for or demands sex, and the coercion works because the drinker’s partner is trying to keep the peace, Amanda Dames tells Sheri and Matt that the dynamic damages trust. And the partner who agrees to unwanted sex is using her body to find or maintain safety. Amanda Dames is a sexologist, a somatic certified sex and...

Sheri and Matt have covered the ways emotional safety improves relationship dynamic for the person on the receiving end: nervous system regulation, peace and relaxation, and comfort being authentic and vulnerable. In this episode, they consider the benefits for the person providing the emotional safety. Don’t do it just for her. Do it for yourself, too. Please go to  UntoxicatedSurvey.org  t...

This is the latest essay from our  Untoxicated Blog . To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to  SoberAndUnashamed.com . We hope you get a lot out of: “Requisite” That’s a picture of my bride from the summer we got married. Isn’t she cute? It’s a digital capture of a real photo taken with a camera that doesn’t make or receive...

Jane is an Echoes of Recovery OG who taught us to call our growth and healing work, “Discovery,” because there is no going back. After six years of podcast appearances, Jane enlightens Sheri and Matt, once again, revealing the connection between working to physically strengthen and heal the body, and working to ease the pain of trauma and loss. What she is doing in the physical health...

This is the latest essay from our  Untoxicated Blog . To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to  SoberAndUnashamed.com . We hope you get a lot out of: “Exorcising the ‘F’ Word” “You don’t need to come. I’m not dying.” My mom had surgery last week, and that’s what she said when she heard I was flying across the cou...

When it comes to parenting, there is no shortage of generational trauma cycle breaking to be addressed. Sheri and Matt talk about the two-generation cycle breaking they are working on with their kids, to implement 100% emotional safety after years of alcoholism, emotional abuse, and Matt’s mindset that it was his job to make his kids tough and resilient. They also talk about cats and Hawaiia...

This is the latest essay from our  Untoxicated Blog . To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to  SoberAndUnashamed.com . We hope you get a lot out of: “Humans. Am I Right?” Humans. We humans do some really strange things. Am I right?… If you are ready to consider the impact of alcohol and a lack of emotional safety, on...

Lara Hammock is back for another quarterly segment full of probing questions and thoughtful, helpful, well illustrated advice! Lara is a mental health therapist and the host and producer of  The Illustrating Therapist YouTube Channel. She shares her all-time best piece of marriage advice, dispels the myth of a bunch of gaslighting evil geniuses, brings comfort to the idea of overfunctioning, and p...

This is the latest essay from our  Untoxicated Blog . To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com . We hope you get a lot out of: “This Is Why She Doesn’t Trust You” Serving as the facilitator for our Echoes of Recovery group has been the single greatest learning experience of my life. Be...

It is not the compliment you think it is when you tell the partner of a heavy drinker how strong she is. And when you tell her that you’ll help more if she makes you a list, you’ve just asked her to do something else for you. Sheri and Matt discuss this while arguing about flag and snowman stamps, and while analyzing the best way to clean a gorilla cage. Please go to  UntoxicatedSurvey...

Our latest essay from our  Untoxicated blog: “Never Quite Measuring Up” I did the math in my head. If the sales revenue generated on the opening day of our fourth location remained even sort-of consistent, we would be good–finally over the hump to financial security. We started with one whole grain bread bakery in 2004, and four years later, we had added three locations, and I thought we had reach...

On Untoxicated Podcast Ep206, Kim Augustus thought her family had made it out of alcoholism and into solid recovery. In this next chapter, Kim’s second appearance on the podcast, she explains how her husband’s relapse has led to divorce. Kim’s boundaries, detachment, and commitment to providing a safe environment for her kids are guiding her into a new life after addiction. Pleas...

Our latest essay from our  Untoxicated blog: “Big Birthday Revolution” My dad’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t send him a card. I called him on his birthday, but I got his voicemail, so I left a message. We didn’t talk until the next weekend. By then, it just felt like it had been too long to re-wish him a happy birthday, so I didn’t. He reads my blog, so Dad, happy birthday. There....

For Jason, alcohol provided clarity for his fuzzy thoughts and lack of clarity. His medicinal drinking helped him thrive at work. But his drinking caused stress, frustration, and trauma for Annette at home. She didn’t stop digging until they found  answers, and now they are moving forward on a path of recovery from dual diagnosis: Alcohol use disorder and ADHD. Please go to  UntoxicatedSurve...

Our latest essay from our  Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part two” Confused about the sources of her anxiety, and incapable of confronting Chris for the alcohol or relationship dysfunction, Rose did what she’d been trained to do her whole life. She signed up for 5k runs and thumbed through grad school degree catalogs. Deflection and gaslighting are traits so often assigned to people experiencing addict...

Does the distribution of household workload cause stress in your relationship? Are your parenting roles unclear as women excel in the workforce and men struggle to pick up the emotional load? Does it feel like your partnership is a competition? Does recovery from alcohol, and a lack of emotional safety, make it all exponentially harder? If so, you will get a lot from Sheri’s and Matt’s...

Our latest essay from our  Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part one” He took a cube of cheese right out of Rose’s mouth. It was the move a parent makes when a baby shoves an unhalved grape past its toothless gums. “You should eat more protein,” is what Rose’s partner, Chris, said. “You’re too fat,” is what she heard. The emotional abuse didn’t really ramp up until Chris was sober… If you are ready...

“You know my love language is physical touch, and yet you withhold sex, and that’s why I drink.” Relationship and Sex Therapist Monica Tanner joins Sheri and Matt to talk about ways  The Five Love Languages are sometimes weaponized, and to dispell myths about our responsibility to make our partner’s feel loved. There are important lessons within the love languages about cur...

Our latest essay from our  Untoxicated blog: “She IS Stuck in the Past” “You said we would only be there for a little while. A couple of beers, you said. The kids and I left you there at almost midnight. When you stumbled in at 2am, fell up the back stairs, and started calling my name, I was afraid you were going to wake the kids. I didn’t want them to see you like that. I didn’t want them to see...

Diana Romanov practices family law in California, and she believes in client education and harnessing the power of technology to partner with her clients to guide them through the emotionally difficult process of divorce. We ask Diana about custody, mediation, reconciliation, gender trends, AI/digital divorce, the cost of winning, and the weaponization of the wedding vows. This is not legal advice...

Our latest essay from our  Untoxicated blog: “Jen, part two” ( Click here to listen to part one .) Old academic papers on the impact of alcoholism on kids are plentiful. The studies from the end of last century usually suggest that the family stay together. That’s one of the things I despise about behavioral health research. Humans are complex and coercible, and an experienced academic can usually...

Mike Hamm is the partner of a drinker in recovery. He really relates to many of Sheri’s experiences. As a man, he also shares struggles with Matt. On this episode, Sheri, Matt, and Hammer talk about missed red flags, communication problems, gender instincts, brushes with the law, suicide, anger management, individual recovery, relationship repair, emotional safety, emotional intimacy, and Em...