Thot Topics

**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED** Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime. This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND We're back in the Gay Little Monkey Jungle swinging from tree to tree with a couple o...

WOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to fag out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief in the background-- meOW! We perform a wellness ch...

No thots! Head empty!  Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a FUCK!...

We're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies.   We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics mission-- and one for broke faggot haters.   This ep...

Have you ever wanted to hear two drunk childless gay twenty-somethings talk about how to protect our next generation of leaders against the forces of gender terrorism? Well NOW is your hourlong CHANCE! In our world, LGBT stands for Let's Get Big Titties and if that's wrong then we don't wanna be right! Not to alarm anybody but I think this might be the best take on the Don't Say Gay bill that anyo...

And baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting...  but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's worse to have a cheating man or a bisexual man....

***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH .   Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little pillow fight you DON'T want to miss.    This mo...

Lin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit. We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Ni...

GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS???   It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is res...

Someone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak!   In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things.   First, we speculate on a certain Twitter gay's new surrogate baby. Should gay g...

In a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits! It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. It's basically the fucking State of the Union addre...

Chernobyl you betta don't!   We're back for another solo episode and this week, we're Putin on the ritz and launching a full-scale ATTACK on Charli XCX. Crimea river!   But first, there's important business to attend to-- from reflecting on whether or not college was worth it, to revealing how much our rent is, to performing a wellness check on each other as we continue our new jobs. It's sisterly...

Hey girl, what's Vack and Brown and CUNT all over? Just WAIT until you hear the answer... We return for the first episode of SHAMROCK SHAKE SEASON to have the Thot Topics Barbara Walters Power Hour with stars, siblings, movers, shakers, and now canon members of the Thot Topics Universe-- BETSEY MUTHAFUCKIN BROWN and PETER GODDAMN VACK. We dive deep into Betsey's feature film debut "ACTORS" mere da...

M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Body crazy curvy wavy big titties little waist, M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M   Abuse: Do you deserve it? We hope you have a list of hotlines posted to your refrigerator because this one's gonna be a bumpy ride! BUT, not before we get some small potatoes out of the way. First, we perform a wellness check-- Cris reveals the dark dangers of working from home and how you can bri...

We screwed the pooch on this one guys. My MacBook ran out of space while we were recording (but it didn't tell me that until AFTER we recorded for like 40 minutes) and now we're stuck with a sort of incomplete episode... but we didn't want to leave you hanging! The front half of this is a classique girls chat... and the back half, well... turn your volume up. At your own risk. LOL. May wind up kee...

It's officially 2022, and we're resolving to TEAR!   In yet another triumphant return to form following a brief(ish) hiatus, we are back to take stock of all that went down in 2021-- from boiled cats, to gay throuples, to Nicki Minaj's couins balls. We really do it ALL. We run a fine-toothed comb through a meticulously constructed timeline of the past year-- and decide which events GAVE and which...

Cuz when youuu're-- 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you gotta report themmm...   The girls face the end of the Year of the Ox-- and girl, you know they have to pull the cart, girl. We do a light bit of girly catch-up chitchat before launching into the week's most pressing matters. In what can only be described as an extremely pro-woman episode, we defend a woman's right to hate pornograph...

I'm twenty-five years old... and I don't know how to gape...   We're back and on schedule! We told you we wouldn't keep you waiting. Hush now-- mommy and mommy are here. This one's a doozy so hold on tight-- keep it ALL tight if you can manage it!   This week, we take some big swings and it's nothing but grand slams babe. First, we pick apart Pitchfork's Top 100 songs of the year and answer all of...

OUR coconuts. You will put them in your mouth: right now, right now. (Right now, right now.)   Thot Topics Queens are Thot Topics Fiends-- and Thot Topics fiends get the greens. It's payout time-- we're BACK after an accidental two-week long break! Cris was out of town for a while so naturally we have a LOT of girly catching up to do. So don't expect any actual topics until about an hour in. LOOSE...

The girls are BACK after a brief Nick's Birthday sabbatical and we FINALLY address the rumors... YES we are female hackers. YES it is both dangerous and rewarding. YES we wear a tight fitting turtleneck that creates a uniboob. WE EXIST!!!! This week, we're joined by return guest RIVER PAGE (@river_is_nice) to discuss the news of the moment, and of some moments we missed. First, we finally review B...

We're Billy RePorters and we're hot (or at least a 7) on the scene of the crime!   This week, we dig through their trash heap of a Twitter timeline to find something-- literally ANYTHING-- to talk about. We fuck around for a while first, and in the grand Thot Topics tradition just wind up talking about food and snacks for a good 20 minutes-- topics this week include the BRAT diet, the Mexican BRAT...

What's up you fuckin' stupid alien? Pop a squat with us and crack open a fresh copy of the Bitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- there's much to explore, and SO little time... This week, the girls get a little sidetracked talking about their personal journeys as their dreaded first-ever mid-twenties birthday approaches. What's acceptable to do in your twenties that must now be left behind? Is "weight...

In perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding. This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a shit adjacent to her husband-- and do an exposé o...

All aboard the Witness Wagon, and buckle up tight, cuz it's gonna be a BUMP-y ride... It was a slow news week so the girls usher in October with a little bit of sisterly competition-- a definitive tier ranking of the female pop albums of the 2010's. This is our bread and fucking butter right here, so you DON'T want to miss it. We rank the girls of yesteryear based on quality, impact, and the Thot...

We're in the HIV Lane, we're in the HIV Lane, and YOU! Y-Y-YOU! Y-Y-YOU! SOUL TRAIN!   In a classic men-in-women's-business bonanza, the girls take a thrilling deep dive into fashion, fascists, and faggots! We review some of the looks from the Met Gala and wonder if next year should be the Het Gala so Dan Levy can't come; Nicki Minaj's fated run-in with the deep state and the heinous liberal media...