Thot Topics

It was a slow news week so we decide to take the cultural temperature-- by performing an in-depth review of the current Top 15 on the Billboard Hot 100. What does the presence of Bebe Rexha mean for America? Is Miley Cyrus "Flowers" astroturfed or do people really like this shit? Does mummy know that daddy's getting hot at the bodyshop? ALL is revealed. But that's not all: we christen Cris's new a...

PATRONS ONLY! You wouldn't get it. Subscribe on Patreon for the rest of the episode. In our iciest and spiciest episode yet, we hold a bookkeeping powwow ahead of tax season: why didn't anyone tell us we were supposed to set aside money from the Patreon to give to the government? It's not like JOE BIDEN stuck out his fucking NECK to tell the truth about Tinashe... With the chips stacked and the co...

We're back-- and this time, it's pussonal... In this double-wide spectacular, we let out a lot of extremely complicated, unique, and sexy emotions: RAGE: We talk about the unjust cancellation of Betsey Brown's Actors screening at the Music Box Theatre, and psychoanalyze our haters. ENNUI: If your parents raised you to love fast food is it ever possible to learn portion control? REGRESSION: Are chi...

**PATRONS ONLY. TRAILER FOR THE POOR!** In our inaugural episode of the Year of the Rabbit, we get little crazy and Asian up in here! It's RICH!  First, we have a little bit of much-needed girl time: Nick tells the story of his engaygement, and Cris recounts his trip to the Camein Guylands. Plus, we discuss Apple's behavioral issues, and not caring about the environment. But that's not all: we giv...

Dear Thot Topics, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'! I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone and I'm a bottom! In our final episode of 2022 we take the crisis calls of our beloved, deeply troubled listeners. Talk about a therapy sesh! Let us in those ears mama! We talk about getting over your fear of gay men, how to date when it seems like all gay guys are libtards, giving up on monogamy...

There should be an option for me to tag whether or not we got drunk for the episode because it's honestly way more offensive than "strong language"   We're back to run a 2 hour long Meghan train on your earholes with the week's most riveting topix. (It was slim pickings honestly but I think we did okay.) First, we review the nefarious homosexual finale of THE WHITE LOTUS and decide what secret hom...

The girls are girlinggggg!   Welcome back to the newly expanded Thot Topics lounge! Unbuckle your girdle and take your panties off because it's about to get extremely raw up in here. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long but we promise we won't leave you again for the next set of holidays...   This week, we allow the Patreon sisters to be our memory for the last two weeks and we chime in on every...

Sowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography

{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE! Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more. In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about...

When Adele turned 25 all she could come up with was "Hello". We made this episode, so CATCH US IF YOU CAN BITCH!   We're back! It's been a minute since we've had some private girls time so we take a moment to catch up on our personal lives as we both gear up to enter our dreaded mid-twenties. We reveal a hair care SHOCKER, report our own fashion crimes, and think about what makes you a grownup.  ...

She jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail. We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swi...

This week, we attempt what is likely the most difficult challenge in the history of the program: we comb through a bracket of Lana Del Rey's discography and attempt to crown ONE SONG as the supreme. All factors are considered, all truths are weighed, and we think you'll love how the dust settles. Or maybe you won't. Sue us! But naturally that's not all. During the 40 minute long preshow (lol) we d...

What if Trump's platform in 2024 was bringing back tops that suck and slurp on bussy lips... We've just completed negotiations to be Lena Dunham's pallbearers when the horrible day inevitably comes, but in the meantime we've convened for a high-intensity GIRLS CHAT! This week, we pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and gobble up the news! Yum yum yum! First, we talk about the obsession with true crime and why "...

**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE** To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch? We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!! This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Bigge...

We heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name?   We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep.   First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about t...

Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me   This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee!...

NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!! We're baby got BACK and this week we're SETTLING IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL! We go through the annoying Twitter thread of the week wherein one GAY user asks: "What in the LGBT community do we need to talk about more??"  If you immediately thought "nothing" then this is the episode for you. We settle the age-old debates of homosexuality, from the right people not wanting t...

Disease strikes the Thot Topics Lounge and the girls are separated by FOUR WHOLE CITY BLOCKS by Nick's late-game Covid diagnosis. More like BLOWMIcron am I right?  Covid may be able to keep us apart but it CAN'T extinguish our spirit, and this episode is just as sassy and girly as ever. While Nick repeatedly hacks up a lung on the air, we cover a LOT of ground. Nick's trip to the deep south inspir...

⚠️ Time to BeRetarded. ⚠️   TRUST THE SCIENCE. *Our* science. Thank God you guys have us to solve this pubic-- oh, sorry, public-- health crisis. We have the way out of the Monkeypox jungle, and here's a hint: ixnay on the ettinggay uttednay inyay!   But naturally, that's not all! We monkey around and defend Elon Musk's enlarged ribcage, and talk about the lady who let some guy fuck her thigh crea...

ALERT! NO MORE MR. NICE GAY! We now have enough paying sisters to keep satisfied that we are changing our schedule-- we'll be alternating every week between free and paid episodes. If you don't like it, blow us! Or send us $4 on Patreon and gain access to every episode, every week. This week is paid, but it's a real banger episode-- you definitely don't want to miss babe. Pollen: It's the Reason f...

We asked Biden if he'd swear us onto the SuCREAM court, but he said we weren't qualified, cuz that thang be squirtin'!   We return after our triumphant centennial episode to bravely offer our highly sought-after takes on politics. We know it's your favorite-- we're so good at it! We predict whether gay marriage will survive the decade, but also ask some more fundamental questions: How does plumbin...

100 EPISODES!!!! To the moon, Alice! The goon palace!   The long-awaiting Thot Topics centennial is upon us, and to celebrate our womanniversary we reached out to listeners like YOU to construct the WHEEL OF WHORETUNE-- over 70 topics were submitted for consideration and we got through a surprising amount of them! Round and round she goes-- where she stops, NOBODY knows! It's the ultimate test of...

Though Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!! I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hulu's new gay "rom-com" FIRE ISLAND. Should Fire Is...

There's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear!   As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is personal grooming for men too gay? Is there a wa...

SQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum.   We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bus is gross make you pedophile? Are you a Nazi fo...