The Opinion Machine???

Camp Costume Party For The Presidents Club, Giving Big Important Speeches From The Tile Department At Home Depot, Voting Money Right Out Of Your Pocket Aka: The Food Court At The Mall Serves You Better Than This Wacky Bunch

Who Is Her Master, What Does She Fear & How Does She Feel About Gender, God & Local Eating Establishments. Aka: Interviewing A Robot Is Harder Than Waterboarding A C.I.A./K.G.B. Double Agent

Filtering Lies Thru Vulnerable Children, Being A Teenager Already Sucks Balls & The Last Thing A Kid Needs Is To Believe The World Will End Before They Find Love Aka: How Much More Evidence Do You Need That Public Education Is Child Abuse?

When Does It Become Religion?, Does It Ever Require Faith?, & What Does It Mean To Be A Scientist? Aka: Saint Greta & Her Faithful Believers Don’t Seem Much Interested In Your Scrutiny.

Controls, Zones, Food, & Bed Sores Aka: There Is No Comfort Without Discomfort & I Am Totally Comfortable With That.

Why Is It So Terrible, Why Does It Kill Turtles & Why Does Everyone I Hate Love It So Much? Aka: It’s Probably Not The Plastic You Hate, It’s The Human Beings.

Of Government, God, Guns, Mother Nature, & That Big Old Grizzly Bear Picking Through Your Garbage Aka: Consider Sending Fear A Christmas Card This Year

Fake LoLing The People You Hate, Being Dismissive With Phony Hahahas & Creating Future Super Villains With Your Fraudulent Guffaws Aka: Mockery is An Effective Tool For Lazy Folks To Create A False Sense Of Superiority & An Unbearable Loose Knit Community Of Assholes.

A Teaching Moment For Little Justin Trudeau, Finding Friends Through Mutual Offense & A Birthmarked Boy Named Enwerd Aka: Hurt Feelings Make Good Friends & Great Art.

We Need To Talk About It, Nobody Ever Talks About It Except Everybody Constantly Talking About It & That’s Why We Really Need To Talk About It. Aka: “Ginger” is An Anagram of The N-Word But It’s Still Totally Fine To Say It Because Gingers Can Handle Pain Even Though Their Pain Threshold Is Literally Lower.

So Are Your Memories, Your Favorite Stories & Almost Everything You’ve Ever Read Aka: The Good News Is That You Are Billions Of Years Old & Smarter & Dumber Than You Think.

The Marketing Of Self, The Lie That Is Photography & The Creation & Highlighting of Emptiness. Aka: FOMO is Mostly a Direct Result of False Advertising.

Believing Women, Taking Responsibility & Minimizing Burden In The Name Of Efficiency & Baseline Morality Aka: Blaming The Victim In The Mirror Might Be The Fastest Road To Self Empowerment, Taboo Or Not.

Rick Ocasek Bought Me A Salad, David Bowie Enjoying My Breeze, Robin Williams Aping My Steeze & Getting CockBlocked From Hanging Out With Prince. Aka: Dead People Don’t Talk Back.

How Love Drugs & Neuroscience Caused Him To Rain Hate On Islam, Christianity, Judaism & Pretend To Rain Hate On Donald Trump. Aka: Life on A Farm Ain’t Nearly As Prestigious As Being An Unaccountable Hollywood Boy Getting Maligned By Ben Affleck On A Cool TV Show.

The Mexican, The Fargo Mom, The Fake Mexican, The Whitest Black Guy, The Asian Tech Bro, The Gay Mayor, The Black/Indian Lady Cop, The Cantankerous Old Jew, The Native American White Lady & The Senile Old Geezer. Aka: The Village People All Stars.

Bacon & Ayggs, Adam & Steve, & Accidentally Skipping Over The Letter “J”. Aka: Independence Is Forbidden

The Two William Crockers, Taxes & My Body My Choice Aka: Do You Own Stuff Or Does Stuff Own You?

Watching The Whole Thing Live, 9-11 Conspiracy Theories & Cowards Bending The Knee To Islam Aka: Lots Of Things To Never Forget.

The Gay Jewish Nazi Married To A Black Man, What Happens When The Mob Maligns You & Not Being Surprised When The Person You Treat As A Monster Starts Behaving Like One Aka: The Tree Of Cruelty Does Not Bear Good Fruit.

Gangs Of Seagulls, The Crow Mafia & A Suicidal Crab Named Scott Aka: The Only Difference Between Being A Superhero & Having A Feast Of Fresh Crab Is The Availability Of A Bucket.

Eggshelling, Peter Panning, & Navigating The Wrath Of San Francisco’s Most Party Loving Smurfs Aka: Acknowledging Whole Human Beings Might Be Better Than Fixating On A Persons Politcs.

#62 Swearing Opposable Thumbs, Middle Fingers & Flippin’ Fetchin’ Fiddlesticks Aka: I Swear, You Have My Word, There Are Good, Honest Reasons To Use Swear Words.

Feeling How You Feel, How They Feel, How I Feel & How Everybody Feels (Except Maybe DJ Trump) Aka: You Might Be Using The Word In A Totally Brand New Revolutionary Way, & I Totally Get That Because I’m An Empath & Would Never Compare Adolf Hitler With Mother Teresa Or Imagine Him As A Cute Little Baby In Need Of Love & Attention.

#60 Narcissism Prince, DJ Trump, The Kardashians, Firemen & Viral Bunny Rescue Videos. Aka: Handing Someone A List Of Their Undesirable Personality Traits Isn’t Exactly The Epitome Of Magnanimous Empathy & Compassion.