Stuck Not Broken

Most people believe change is possible. The harder question is whether you believe it’s possible for you. This episode makes the case that the belief you can’t change isn’t a fact but a story that reflects the state you’re in, and shows you the proof already in front of you: other people have changed, you’ve changed before, and you’re changing now. You’ll also hear the difference between thinking...

Stuck and broken are two very different problems, and which one you believe you are changes everything about what comes next. This is the title chapter. You’ll hear why every one of us is running on the same biological hardware no matter how different our lives look, what it means to call your trauma a stuck state rather than a defect, and why the stuck point you’re in right now is the hopeful par...

You already know what Bill does. This episode is about what's underneath it: the stories he tells himself, the things he keeps quiet, and the beliefs he never chose. You'll learn what a cognitive adaptation is, how the same mental habit sounds completely different depending on the state you're in, why humans isolate and keep secrets when animals don't, and how the beliefs handed to you can block t...

Wild animals live with danger every day and don't get traumatized. So why do you stay stuck? In this episode, you'll meet Bill, a father, husband, and business owner who can't see what's driving him. You'll also learn the two ways we keep ourselves stuck without noticing: we ignore the body's self-regulation impulses, and we reach for behaviors that let us avoid feeling what's actually there. Part...

Your nervous system doesn't just calm down on its own — more often than you realize, it borrows the calm from somebody else. This episode covers co-regulation: the specific cues your body sends and reads without you ever thinking about it, eye contact, tone of voice, the tilt of a head, what it means if you don't have a self-regulated person in every part of your life, and what actually happened,...

Sometimes the most useful information in the therapy room isn't in what someone says; it's in their hands. This episode breaks down self-regulation on a nervous system level: the two main ways we do it, top-down (thoughts) and bottom-up (body), why top-down tricks work in the moment but don't solve anything on their own, and a session with a client whose hands were saying something her voice wasn'...

You can't just decide to calm down, but you can strengthen the thing that makes calming down possible. The vagal brake isn't a body part, it's the influence of your safety state on your heart, and it's what lets you move between mobility and stillness without dropping into full defense. Here's what it actually is, how to start strengthening it even if "feeling safe" is a foreign concept, and the t...

Trauma isn't the event. It's what happens afterward, when your nervous system gets stuck defending against something that's already over. This episode breaks down the two distinct paths that lead there: one from a single overwhelming moment, the other from years of disrupted connection, and what separates someone with one specific trigger from someone who's never had access to safety at all. 👉 Ne...

Not every survival strategy looks like fighting back or running away. Sometimes it looks like befriending the person who's hurting you. This episode covers the last two mixed states: appease (safety plus flight/fight plus shutdown — all three primary states at once) and fawn (flight/fight plus shutdown, but without safety). What separates a hostage using social skills to stay alive from someone di...

Sitting still should be the easiest thing in the world, right? But for a lot of people, it's maybe the hardest. This episode moves into the third mixed state: stillness and intimacy — safety plus shutdown, immobility without fear. What actually makes it safe to sit still, use the restroom, or fall asleep at night. Why meditation, yoga, and even bedtime can feel dangerous for someone who lives in f...

Wrestling with your kids. Trash-talking during a pickup game. Screaming through a game of tag. On paper, those look like danger cues, so why do they feel so good? Play is what happens when your safety state and your fight-or-flight mobility switch on at the same time. Here's what's actually happening in your nervous system when you play, why the game changes the moment it moves from the living roo...

Freeze is not the same as shutdown, even though people use the words like they mean the same thing. Shutdown is a limp collapse. Freeze is tense: all the energy to run or fight, with a body that can't move. It's the gas and the brake at the same time, and it's underneath panic, phobias, and that flash of rage that comes out of nowhere. Here's what's actually happening in a freeze, how to come out...

Sometimes the body's answer to too much isn't panic, it's the opposite: going quiet, going numb, wanting to disappear. That's shutdown, the bottom of the Polyvagal ladder, and it's where a lot of what gets called depression actually lives. Here's what it feels like from the inside, why your body would ever reach for it, and the slow, gentle way back up. No pushing through, no forcing it. 👉 New he...

Anxiety and anger can feel like opposites, but they are two sides of the same state. Fight or flight is your sympathetic nervous system mobilizing to protect you: flight shows up as anxiety and worry, fight as anger and irritability. This one is about what that state feels like, what it looks like in a person's face, breath, and voice, and why a system built for short bursts can leave you feeling...

Safety is the state where life feels workable. Not perfect, just manageable. It's the top of the ladder and the place we're all reaching for, so this episode is about what it actually feels like in your body, what it looks like on someone's face and in their voice, and what it really takes to get there. You'll also meet Courtney, whose story we follow throughout the states from here. 👉 New here?...

You're getting things done. Answering texts, making dinner, showing up. But underneath it you feel wired and flat at the same time, like you're watching your own life through a foot of glass. That's functional freeze: your gas and your brake pressed at once, and "functional" just means you're still getting through the day while it runs. In this episode I break down what freeze actually is, how it'...

Ever notice your thoughts get meaner when you feel bad, and softer when you feel good? That's not a coincidence, and it's not a flaw in you. "Story follows state" means the story in your head comes out of the state your body is in, not the other way around. Once you catch it happening in real time, a dark story starts to lose its grip. 👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: h...

Ever notice your thoughts get meaner when you feel bad, and softer when you feel good? That's not a coincidence, and it's not a flaw in you. "Story follows state" means the story in your head comes out of the state your body is in, not the other way around. 👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https://www.stucknotbroken.com/stuck Or go straight to what's best for you: 👉 St...

You can't just decide to calm down, sorry to say. The Polyvagal Ladder is a simple metaphor for how your nervous system moves: safety at the top, fight-or-flight in the middle, shutdown at the bottom, one rung at a time. Once you can see which rung you're on, a lot of the reactions you've beaten yourself up over start to make sense, and stop feeling like proof that something's wrong with you. the...

You don't decide to beat your heart, take your next breath, or digest your lunch. Something else runs all of that, every second, without checking in with you. That's your autonomic nervous system. This episode breaks down what Polyvagal Theory is in plain language and how it questions the old "sympathetic vs. parasympathetic" idea. 👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your starting place: https...

After seven years and nearly 300 episodes, I'm trying something I don't think anyone else is doing: giving you all of my Polyvagal Theory knowledge, directly. And free. Season 2 of the Stuck Not Broken podcast is different from the regular show. It's the full audiobook of my first book, Stuck Not Broken: Book 1 - Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm, read chapter by chapter, right here in the feed....

What if the stories you tell yourself about your worth, your past, and how you got here aren't the whole truth, and you're still the one holding the pen? This is Episode 1 of the Stuck Not Broken audiobook: Book 1 - Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. We start by questioning the stories you have about yourself and open the possibility of a new one. 👉 New here? Find your stuck state, and your sta...

"That's bulls***." That was my honest first reaction, back in 2018, to the work I now build my entire career around. In this episode of the Stuck Not Broken audiobook, I invite you to challenge your paradigm: How I came to Polyvagal Theory, and nearly dismissed it What a paradigm is, and why you need a new one before the science can land The urge most of us feel to skip ahead to the fix, and why t...

What does it mean to be a "gentle rebel" — and how does creativity fit in? In this episode, I talk with Andy Mort of The Haven community about rebellion as openness rather than aggression, why highly sensitive people often need space and safety to access their creative voice, and how creativity is less about the finished product and more about the ongoing process of becoming yourself. We get into...

If you've ever sat down to meditate and felt like you were failing at it, this episode is for you. In this special episode, I read a section from my new book, Stuck Not Broken Book Three, on why most people are meditating wrong — and what to do instead. We'll get into: What meditation actually is through a nervous system lens Why "clearing your mind" misses the point entirely How rejecting the pre...