Shame Spiral

Hi Shame Spiralers! I'm briefly emerging from our mid-season hiatus just to drop this very special bonus episode with comic, writer & actor Jes Tom! ( Our Flag Means Death, Less Lonely. ) Jes is one of my favorite comedians and you can and SHOULD drop everything you're doing and go see their one-person comedy show Less Lonely at the Greenwich House Theater in NYC, from now through Ja...

This week I spiraled out with psychotherapist, OCD specialist, writer & content creator Alegra Kastens! We talked OCD origin stories and the thoughts that broke our brains, the obsessive struggle to discern if you don't like someone because you're not into them or because there's something wrong with you, fear of being cancelled and social media trolls, the idea of "harm,&q...

This week I spiraled out with writer, illustrator, podcaster & professor Nicole J. Georges! (Calling Dr. Laura)   We talked shame and recovery from harmful family dynamics, making amends to yourself & others, the important of zines and yahoogroups for isolated young 90's queers, shoplifting, vegan betrayals, gossiping, gaslighting, writing memoir when you know your family won't b...

This week I spiraled out with writer, poet and lovely person LaToya Jordan! We dug deep into her recently published novella, To The Woman In The Pink Hat , and some of the issues it explores: medical racism, infertility, white feminism, the Women's March, and uterine transplants (?!?,) and also spiraled about twenty-something alcohol-induced regrets, the struggle to "make the first move&...

This week I spiraled out with brilliant television writer, showrunner and co-creator of YELLOWJACKETS (!!!!!!) Ashley Lyle! We talked nicotine and being 90s teens, the moment you realize you can hurt your mom's feelings,  caring too much about what people think of you at the expense of the people who truly care, the vicious procrastination cycle and ADHD, anxiety & shame intertwined, unhi...

This week I spiraled out with hilarious and deeply relatable novelist, television writer & painter Ali Liebegott!     We talked regret, people pleasing and the shame of saying no,  making mistakes and accepting your own and others' flaws , accidentally farting on a stranger in a grocery store, taking your students to a casino, wishing your childhood fish was more like a dog and SO MUCH MO...

This week I spiraled out with the brilliant & SUPER funny stand up comic & writer Amy Silverberg! (Comedy Central, The Paris Review)  We talked Jewish parents, boundaries, talking about your students and boyfriends in your stand up, fake vs real vulnerability, codependency and hurting people more in trying NOT to hurt them, how being teased can feel like love, being a recovered ghoster, an...

This week I spiraled out with the hilarious and thoughtful writer & stand up comedian Django Gold! (The Late Show With Stephen Colbert)  We talked social awkwardness, persecution complexes, the weirdness of being an introverted comedian, accepting your flaws, parading around your job with a beard full of ice cream, torturing yourself with anxiety, the benefits of getting older, spectacularly b...

This week I spiraled out with the delightful & brilliant writer, podcaster, and mental health advocate Allison Raskin! ( Overthinking About You, Just Between Us ) We talked the nuance around mental health diagnoses, all about OCD, insecurities around friendship, self-compassion as the antithesis of shame, the liberating potential of knowing your own schemas, and even meta-processed a few momen...

This week I spiraled out with super funny & absurdly talented comedian, writer, actor & podcaster River Butcher! ( The Knew Guys, League Of Their Own. ) We talked fear of people leaving if you dare to share your feelings, the difficulty of actually implementing your coping skills when things are POPPING OFF, giving a gift to your inner child and carrying all previous versions of you inside...

This week I spiraled out with wonderfully deep, refreshingly honest and truly hilarious writer, actor, comedian, musician AND podcaster Lane Moore! (Tinder Live, You Will Find Your People)  We talked shame and relational trauma, the damage done by unrealistic and grossly prescriptive self-help books, dealing with the incessant self-critical DJ playing the worst songs over and over in your head, ma...

This week I spiraled out with hilarious & deeply relatable stand up comic, podcaster (and fellow neurotic Jew) Carly Montag!  We talked the pervasive fear of making others' feel bad, coming out as queer via an improv class revelation, Jewish guilt and hypervigilance, the shame of feeling stupid, internalized homophobia and the pressure to marry a nice Jewish boy, the rocky learning curve...

This week I spiraled out with incredibly talented comic, writer and actor Joel Kim Booster! (Fire Island, The Other Two, Shrill)  We talked the impact of growing up extremely religious and queer, fear of going to hell and terrifying fantasies of what hell would be like, caring way too much of what others' think about you, being young and extra thirsty, people pleasing tendencies (except for w...

This week I spiraled out with the disarmingly honest, lovely, hilarious & brilliant writer Tara Schuster! (Glow In The F*cking Dark, Comedy Central)   Talking shame with Tara was hilarious, delightful, and honestly inspiring AF.  We talked shame and trauma, the relief and empowerment that comes from knowing when the past is crash landing into the present, drunk dialing your therapist, self-com...

This week I spiraled out with incredibly hilarious, honest and charming comedian,  writer & actor Emma Willmann! (Colbert, Comedy Central, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend)   Emma and I talked ADHD, addiction and recovery, accidentally learning things from TikTok, getting in a fight with Chelsea Handler, ungodly shameful moments with exes and discerning when apologizing is for you and not them, and unpacke...

This week I spiraled out with comedian, writer & actress Nori Reed! (Netflix is a Joke, HBO Max, Comedy Central)   Nori's stand up is iconic, hilarious and brilliant, and she was featured in New York Magazine as one of Vulture's "Comedians You Should Know And Will Know In 2021."  She also recently wrote for seasons five & six of Disney's Raven's Home , creatin...

This week I spiraled out with queer, neurodivergent and gender expansive psychotherapist Jess Sprengle! (@TheCrankyTherapist on IG) Jess is an Eating Disorder Specialist and Educator, and especially passionate about engaging with the intersection of the LGBTQIA+ experience, neurodivergence, and eating disorder recovery.  We talked shame as an adaptive response, the fear of being a bad therapist, e...

This week I spiraled out with writer & actor Mara Wilson! (Good Girls Don't, Matilda, Mrs. Doubtfire)   We talked growing up in Hollywood, being a chronic oversharer, the prison of being a "good girl," the drama of young adult relationships, anxiety & OCD,  My So-Called Life, and so much more!  Plus, Mara shares a multi-layered shame upon shame upon SHAME story about embarra...

This week I spiraled out with queer author and hilarious, deeply relatable person Marisa Crane! (I Keep My Exoskeletons To Myself ) We talked internalized homophobia, being menaces in our twenties,  self-sabotage, parenting shame, botox and the horror of lying to Drew Barrymore, why it's so damn hard to give yourself the grace you freely give everyone else, the quiet shame of being a jock in...

This week I spiraled out with physical therapist & cast member of instant queer reality tv classic The Ultimatum: Queer Love Xander Boger! This one is a special treat for all you fellow Queer Love Ultimatum fans, because we dove deep into shame around deciding to be on the show, being on the show, and the emotionally complicated aftermath. And we don't just discuss the show- we also went...

This week I spiraled out with actor, writer and reproductive justice advocate Busy Philipps! (Girls5eva, Cougar Town, Busy Phillips Is Doing Her Best, This Will Only Hurt A Little )  We talked fear of being a bad person,  processed some internet drama, unpacked our experiences with experiental hippy therapies, pondered over how good it feels to smash things and the difficulty of directly asking fo...

This week I spiraled out with stand up comic, actor and writer Gianmarco Soresi!   ( Comedy Central, JFL, The Late Late Show With James Corden)   We talked being a child of divorce, contempt for institutions but desire for community, fear of being seen as a certain kind of man, zoom vs in-person therapy, existential crises, being a yeller from a yelling family, and so much more. Plus, Gianmarco sh...

This week I spiraled out with author, podcaster and atheist/Jewish/humanist chaplain extraordinaire Vanessa Zoltan!  ( Hot & Bothered, Praying With Jane Eyre) We talked internalized anti-semitism and loud, powerful Jewish women, wanting to be so good that no one can talk sh*t about you to their therapist, shame and love for the romance genre, treating secular things as sacred, and SO MUCH MORE...

This week I spiraled out with hilarious standup comedian, writer, actress & podcaster Yamini Nambimadom! ( Pillow Fight Podcast,  Chicago 10's) We talked about everyone thinking you're fine even when you're not,  the struggle to ask for help, people pleasing, being a "difficult" child, immigrant parent expectations and feeling pressure to be the best,  mean internet co...

This week I spiraled out with brilliant poet, writer, editor and teacher Maggie Smith! ( Good Bones, You Could Make This Place Beautiful. ) We covered SO much juicy ground in this episode, diving deep into Midwestern humility and shame around success,  what you owe or don't owe people as an artist, being an introverted kid with an extroverted mom, imposter syndrome, apologizing for your accom...