Secret Sesh

Dude, I got an insane calzone tonight. It was pretty awesome because I was able to utilize a buy 1 get 1 (BOGO) deal. Unfortunately, they did not add in the sausage I requested. Rats. Luckily, I was refunded the $4 for the cost- which is actually $2 more because of how the coupon factored in sausage to both. I also robbed a candy store but only took the sour stuff. Keep your money. Capitalism has...

Uh oh, there’s trouble in hunk town. We’ve got holes to fill!

Lightning crashes A new mother cries Her placenta falls to the floor The angel opens her eyes The confusion sets in Before the doctor can even close the doorLightning crashes An old mother dies Her intentions fall to the floor The angel closes her eyes The confusion that was hers Belongs now to the baby down the hallOh, now I feel it coming back again Like a rolling thunder chasing the wind Forces...

I heard the ring a ding ding and the lights went "dim"

Wheel's stuck in the mud again. Gonna be a long Summer.

Sometimes they come at night. Sometimes they come in the morning. Sometimes they don't come at all. Your parents do have a lot of sex, though.

The sticks is loose and the forest is free. What's in your wallet? I am so fucking hungry.

You sir, are a gnome to the first degree. And I'll hear no more on the matter.

This was recorded on March 4th, 2024. I was let go from my job at 3pm on March 1st and passed at the Comedy Cellar at 8pm. I was in a weird place and forgot to post it. Here you go Mr. Sucklepuff Anyways, I am literally bitching about the same things I’m bitching about now. Don’t to phish tucked payoffs. What more is there to say.

Kiss on the cheek, kiss on the mouth, kiss on the knee, kiss on the forehead, but if you come anywhere near my ear, I'll end you.

Well, we did it. A momentous episode here at the Sesh Lab (TM). We've got frogs asking to be princes and we've got royalty asking for cake. I don't know where you're at, but when you're here- you're familia.

The weather. It’s cold. Now we’re talking about the weather. Brrrrrrrr. Ice cold. Gucci mane. He once showed up to an open mic in East Atlanta Village driving an ice cream truck, but I digress-

Pick up those crumbs. I swear to god, if you don't clean up this couch- unbelievable! Get your butt upstairs and wait until your father gets home. "Nyuk yuk" -The Three Stooges (one of whom's last name is 'Fine')

Crunch your nuts, eat your cheese.

Let’s get it

You think you know a guy, but then you find out he’s a tractor. What do you do?

This one's different, but fuck you. I can do what I want.

More often than not, I find myself asking the big questions like "Where is my squatty potty, goddammit!"

I heard a story from your dad. He is PISSED. You better call your mom, it's her birthday and you're being petulant.

This was a really big joint interrupted my lawn care workers. Twice. Maybe three times.

What else is there to say? He was great. He was quick. He was kinder than anyone I had ever met. I'll miss you, Mr. Clean.

I am just a vessel- I carry the poop to the toilet. The circle of life.

If you're gonna wash my car, use your elbows. Not only will I get a better view of your biceps, but it's a more effective way to scrub.

Big time moves. Small time crooks. Get your hand out of the damn cookie jar or I'm calling your parents

I am so tired of explaining myself- the tape goes in the drawer and the light has to be off when you're yelling at my son and the plumber is on the way!