Secret Sesh

Rough day at the shit kicking factory.'

Popeyes 11 Piece Tender Family Meal 11 Tenders 1 Large Side (Cajun Fries) 3 Biscuits 23.99

Fly me to the moon, get me to the Greek!

Ah man. Walked by a Mexican laundromat and spilled my seltzer. They’re all laughing at me. Jeez. I got some gummy bears, though.

Man, it's a hot one Like seven inches from the midday sun Well, I hear you whisper and the words melt everyone But you stay so cool My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa You're my reason for reason The step in my grooveAnd if you said this life ain't good enough I would give my world to lift you up I could change my life to better suit your mood Because you're so smooth And it&...

A block of wood can turn into just about anything. A puppet, a stool, or a wooden dildo.

As a society, we collectively forgot about Flubber way too fast. Hell of a concept.

​Don’t go gentle into that good night. Have sex with it. Hard.

That boy is dead. Dead dead dead.

Here comes the groom

The beef boys are in town and business isn’t just what they mean, it’s what they’re selling. Beef.

Nothing gold can stay. You never brought it up, but I have a feeling you were the only person that listened to this podcast. A mensch in every sense. I love you so much, my friend. Long live.

They say you can't take it with you, but what if you could it take with? Hi, I'm Dr. Max Fine- and I am completely unaware of what the fuck I'm doing in this doctor's coat and/or office. Please return me to my wife, who is very real, and very hotl.

Graduation is around the corner. I'm going to be a real gingerbread boy now and no one can stop me. Fuck you, Martha. I haven't forgotten what you did to Spencer's sock in 3rd grade. Nah, I don't actually know a Martha. Could you imagine?

It's cold and rainy. It's Summer. I am Steven.

Is nothing sacred anymore? Will the entertainment complex ever be satiated with what must surely be "too much shit?" Are you tired of losing sleep over the loss of your sanity and/or dignity? Well toil no more! With THERAPY GUN, you can end it all right now! Not to be confused with theragun, the massage tool, THERAPY GUN is just a gun. Any gun will do! Heck, you might already have a THER...

But I don't. That doesn't mean I'm a good partner. I just don't suck and your boyfriend does. This isn't an attempt to break y'all up- I wouldn't be a better option. You can leave him if you want to, but I'm just saying that I probably won't fulfill your needs either on an emotional level. He sucks, but I'm unavailable emotionally. That being said, if you gu...

Cut the crap. Your father's home and he is pissed. You're killing your father. Bad boy.

Listening to a lot of good music lately.

Man, whatever

Ate a lot of bread. I don't feel great, but I'll probably shovel some more shit down my throat before I go to bed. I guess compulsive eating is still better than pissing your pants blackout drunk on the A train to Rockaway Beach. Jah feel?

[insert the lyrics to Smooth by Rob Thomas feat. Carlos Santana]

Oh great, someone farted and clearly had a baguette last night. smdh

Nobody knows what’s inside. Can you keep a secret?

It's your asshole, Jerry!