Notes to Her

Becoming her means making room for the woman you already are. In Note 83, Yaya shares her own goodie-goodie years, why she believes so many women adapted to belong instead of losing their confidence, and what it costs when the adapting never stops. Inside this Note: Why the confident woman you picture is someone you've already met Yaya's goodie-goodie story and what it taught her about belonging W...

Many women start dreading family gatherings weeks before they happen. In this Note, Yaya explains why that dread is useful information, where the guilt around saying no comes from, and how to set boundaries with family that are clear, kind, and easy to repeat. She gives word-for-word sentences for your time, your questions, your role, your gifts, and the relative who keeps pushing. Inside this epi...

This Sunday edition of Notes to Her looks at the weekly dread that settles in before Monday even starts. After reading a Wall Street Journal article on rising Sunday anxiety, Yaya is bringing the Sunday Scaries Notes back twice a month, and this first one asks what your dread is actually pointing to. She breaks down the four most common sources, from an overloaded workload to the meeting where you...

How to accept a compliment without deflecting it: I break down why you hand them back and the two-second fix in Note 81 of Notes to Her. This one is for the woman who answers “I love your top” with where she bought it and how little it cost. I walk through the lines we use to deflect, from “Oh, this old thing” to the compliment we fire right back, and why they leave our mouths before the kind word...

Have you ever told a friend you would never put up with what she puts up with, and then canceled on yourself for the fourth time that week? In Note 80, I talk about why the people around you follow your lead, and why the way you treat yourself is the first lesson anyone gets about how to treat you. We get into where the habit of putting yourself last comes from, what the quiet tally of over-giving...

If you have ever bought the planner, set the 5AM alarm, and quit by Wednesday, this Note explains what was really going on. Yaya breaks down why your brain keeps receipts on every promise you make to yourself, and why a habit that takes 60 seconds or less rebuilds that trust faster than a perfect routine ever could. You will leave with a three-step loop you can start tomorrow morning. Inside this...

Some women can tell you what everyone around them needs and go blank when somebody asks what they want. In Note 78, Yaya talks about how years of "I'm fine with whatever" quietly turn into feeling stuck, and how to find the woman you were before everyone needed something from you.  The episode ends with three questions to ask yourself and two small practices you can start this week. Inside this ep...

Note 77 starts with a question many women avoid: if a friend skipped plans without a text, you would say something that day, so why does it take two days to draft a message when a partner does the same thing? Yaya defines the bare minimum, explains how asking slides into begging, and shares the story of a client named Renee (name and details changed) who rewrote the same text four times. You will...

After 90 days of locking in, Yaya shares what the experience taught her about confidence, and it all starts with keeping the promises you make to yourself. She walks through lessons on discipline, rest, doubt, support, and celebrating your wins, including the one she is still learning. It is a practical listen for any woman getting ready to lock in for the rest of the year. Inside this episode: • ...

When your confidence and healing move faster than the people around you, friendships can get awkward fast.  In Note 75, Yaya talks about why some friends take your growth personally, what usually sits underneath that reaction, and how to stay honest and kind without going back to the version of you that kept everyone comfortable. If you have ever edited yourself around a friend you love, this one...

Confidence doesn't show up before you act. It shows up after, built out of proof you collect by doing the scary thing anyway.  In this episode, Yaya calls out the advice she will never teach her clients, fake it till you make it, and replaces it with something more honest: acting despite the fear instead of performing a feeling you don't have. She tells the real story behind Slay Society, an idea...

This is the note you need before you make any decisions this cuffing season. Every year, the same thing happens: temperatures drop, the holidays close in, and a lot of women start accepting things in October they wouldn't have tolerated in July.  In this episode, Yaya breaks down exactly where that pressure comes from, why it has nothing to do with the person you're considering settling for, and t...

Season 2 opens with the note Yaya almost didn't let herself write, the one about feeling completely stuck in a version of your life you didn't choose. She talks about the summer she spent building Slay Society, the accident that changed how she moves through the world, and why the woman you're trying so hard to become is usually just the woman you buried trying to survive. Inside this episode: ● ...

Confidence in relationships isn't always the cute, empowered version where everything clicks into place. Sometimes it's the version where you walk away, grieve someone you loved, and choose yourself anyway. In this special bonus episode, Yaya gets honest about why women settle, what it actually costs them, and the part nobody talks about: that refusing to settle can feel lonely before it ever feel...

Season 1 is officially a wrap. Seventy notes. Seventy moments of choosing yourself. In this finale, Yaya sends off every woman who kept showing up, imperfectly, scared, unsure and did it anyway. This isn't a recap. It's a send-off, a celebration, and a challenge to carry the momentum of this season into everything that comes next. Season 2 is coming, and it's going to be bigger. Don't miss it. Ins...

You made it through the job loss. The heartbreak. The financial fear. The season where you didn't know how you'd get through. And yet here you are, still building, still growing, still showing up. In this note, Yaya slows down to honor everything you've already survived and reframes it for what it actually is: not luck, not coincidence, but proof. You are not fragile. You are formed. Inside this e...

We have this idea of what a confident woman looks like, like she has it all together, all the answers, all the certainty before she takes a single step. In Note 68, Yaya is calling that myth out and replacing it with the truth: confidence isn’t certainty, it’s trust. Trust in yourself, in your ability to figure it out, in your worth regardless of outcome. And she’s proving it with her own story of...

You’ve been saying you’re stuck, but what if that’s not actually true? In this note, Yaya is calling out the difference between being stuck and being comfortable, and why that distinction matters more than you think. Comfort feels like safety. But staying where you’ve outgrown? That has a cost and it’s one most women don’t even realize they’re paying. Inside this episode: • Why “stuck” and “comfor...

All season, you've been learning. Growing. Getting more aware. And now it's time to stop sitting on it. This episode is the line in the sand. Yaya breaks down what every single pattern from this season, playing small, perfectionism, people-pleasing, avoidance, comfort, actually has in common. Spoiler: it's not fear. It's indecision. And today she's calling time on the waiting. Inside this episode:...

You earned your seat. So why are you still standing at the door? This episode is for the woman who just got the invite, the opportunity, the meeting, the room full of people with bigger titles, and instead of walking in with confidence, she's second-guessing whether she belongs there at all. Yaya gets into why that voice isn't wisdom, it's fear. And she shares a personal story from her corporate d...

This one is a little spicy and exactly what you needed to hear. If you’ve been sitting on an idea, a decision, an investment in yourself, or a conversation you’ve been rehearsing for months, Yaya is here to ask you the question nobody else has: girl, what is the hold up? Note 64 is a direct, energizing call-in on the myth of readiness, the real cost of waiting, and the one step you can take today...

This episode is a call-in, not a call-out. If you’ve ever over-explained yourself into oblivion, smiled through something that made your stomach turn, or stayed quiet when every part of you wanted to speak up, this note is for you. We’re talking about self-abandonment: what it looks like, why we do it, and what it’s actually costing us. Through the story of a client named Bianca, a driven, brillia...

If you've ever snapped at someone you love, gone silent when you had everything to say, or spent entire days running on anxiety you couldn't even name, this episode is for you. In Note 62, Yaya breaks down the difference between the Regulated Woman and the Reactive Woman and why your nervous system, not your character, might be running the show. This is the episode that reframes everything. Inside...

We talk a lot about having hard conversations with other people. But the one most women avoid the longest? The conversation with themselves. In this episode, Yaya gets real about what it actually means to stop running from your own truth: the things you've been tolerating, the goals you've been delaying, and the version of yourself you keep pushing to the back burner. This isn't about fixing every...

Most women think “standards” only apply to dating. But the truth is, your standards show up everywhere. In how you speak to yourself. In how you show up for your work. In the boundaries you set with other people. And in the environments you tolerate. Low standards don’t just affect your relationships; they quietly shape the version of you that shows up in your own life. In this episode of Notes to...