Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Josh Patrick is a business consultant who has learned from – and continues to learn from – personal experience and work with clients, as well as reading, writing, speaking, and podcasting about the challenges business owners face. Business owners can face internal conflicts – engaging in behaviors that don’t serve them well. I talk with Josh about failing fast and failing cheap, the value of small...

When you have an infrequent in-person conversation, think back to it.  How did it go? Most important, what can you do now to follow up to improve that relationship? What can you do to increase the odds of positive conflict (creative and collaborative) in the future? If you had a good talk, seize on that! Follow up with a visit, phone call, text, email, or even an old-fashioned letter or card. Ment...

Cognitive biases represent shortcuts in our thinking and how we reach conclusions. You can learn about Overcoming confirmation bias in Episode 129, published on June 16, 2021. Managing availability bias is the topic of Episode 143, published on September 22, 2021. And Episode 176, published on May 11, 2022, is about Implicit Bias and the Implicit Association Test. There are plenty of other biases....

We are now coming into the time of year for traditional family gatherings. For many years, these in-person celebrations have been the time to tackle difficult conversations and make important decisions. Lots of families are coming together this season for the first time since 2019. In the depth of the pandemic, remarkable lessons came out of our need to shift away from in-person gatherings to onli...

Going along to get along can be a good idea – sometimes. When you find yourself giving in – accommodating in Thomas-Kilmann theory – too often, you might stop and think about that. Do you not care about the outcome of a decision? Are you afraid to speak your mind? Are you going to be silenced by your own choice to not speak up? Will you become resentful about always being the one to “sacrifice”? T...

Amanda Holmes, daughter of the renowned sales strategist Chet Holmes, was 24 when she inherited her father’s vast business interests and his legacy – with no preparation of any kind.  We talk about her journey over the last ten years as she grew into her role as CEO by following her instincts, developing her skills and self-confidence, and charting a path that builds on the past with her own visio...

Just last week, I was in a conversation  about the key question for a would-be podcaster. Why do you want to do this?  I had a clear answer to that question in 2018 during Seth Godin’s podcasting workshop (7 intensive weeks and 35 lessons) and my answer is the same in 2022, on Episode 200. But, I am not the same. I continue to learn from my experiences – and from my podcast guests. There is plenty...

Working throughout the United States, The Community Relations Service (CRS) is part of the Department of Justice. And not as well-known a part as it might be. CRS works with communities to prevent and respond to alleged hate crimes based on actual or perceived race, color, national origin, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, or disability. CRS calls itself “America’s Peacemaker”...

Unofficial veto power is the idea that one person (or, less frequently, a small subset of a group) has the power to stop progress.  And that power is not granted to them by the rest of the group, any document, or cultural norm. “Progress” is a broad term, here. It’s allowing the group to make – or even consider—decisions. In some type of rational fashion. It’s abiding by decisions that are made. T...

While serving as an Army colonel in Afghanistan, Chris Kolenda motivated a large insurgent group to switch sides. We talk about that experience and the new edition of his book, Leadership: The Warrior’s Art, a collection of pieces by military leaders. The book has insights for all sorts of organizations and group. Chris notes that there’s really no such thing as military leadership: it’s all leade...

Many thought that the Queen was too slow to respond to Diana’s death. When she finally did, she minimized the conflict by speaking eloquently and by nodding her head as Diana’s casket passed by. As a ruling monarch, she received respect routinely and wasn’t expected to make her own demonstrations of it. She made a distinction between family and business with Prince Andrew. Allegations (though deni...

Queen Elizabeth has been widely appreciated for her life of service. Though most family business leaders aren’t royal monarchs, her approach has lessons that many can learn. Among them: she started early in her devotion to service (even before she was head of The Firm); she worked hard; she kept her own counsel; she was engaged with her “customers” and did not think them to be lesser; she had a se...

Jay Hughes has spent decades devoted to service to families. Throughout that time, he has been deeply interested in why families flourish – and why they don’t. In our conversation, Jay’s insights include how the Goldilocks principle is essential for the well-being of families. Friends and colleagues created the James R. Hughes, Jr. Foundation, insisting that it bear his name even though his humili...

Time and again, we have heard that transitions are challenging and difficult. They also represent an opportunity to be collaborative and creative in addressing change effectively.  Embracing thegood type of conflict. Last time, I talked about the process. This time, the focus is on the results.  One possible result is a greater acceptance of the fact that change is happening all the time – and tha...

We have heard many times about transitions being challenging and difficult. They also represent an opportunity to be collaborative and creative in addressing change effectively.  Embracing the good type of conflict. How? try some inclusive decision-making. A time to invite ideas, listen carefully, and consider those thoughts with respect and an open mind. Even if every suggestion can’t be adopted,...

Deena Chochinov’s work in the areas of family therapy and organizational development gives her an unusual and especially helpful perspective for her work as an advisor to family enterprises. Her professional experiences over the course of thirty years inform her insights in her recently published book, HomeWork: How to Be a Leader in the Boardroom and the Living Room. You can learn more about the...

Rendezvous is the annual gathering of the Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI). It’s “the most professionally diverse gathering of its kind and brings together professionals representing more than 20 disciplines for collaborative dialogue, keynotes, and breakout sessions centered on family dynamics, governance, collaboration, philanthropy and personal development and growth” according to the PPI we...

Compromising appears right in the middle of an imaginary image of two axes showing degrees of assertiveness and cooperativeness because it is moderate, not extreme, with regard to both of those characteristics.  Compromising gives partial satisfaction to both parties. It may mean splitting the difference between two ideal outcomes or seeking a quick middle-ground way to reach an agreement. Less wo...

Jack Wofford: mediator? Facilitator? Does he help with conflicts? Disputes? Issues? Disagreements?  We talk about what’s in a name and the four essential elements in the work that he does. You can reach Jack at johnwofford@earthlink.net and learn more about his work at https://www.mediate.com/mediator-profile/?uid=29258 Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or questio...

The TKI describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising.   Visualize a vertical axis of assertiveness, the extent to which someone tries to satisfy their own needs. Along the horizontal axis, the degree of cooperativeness is shown: that is the extent to which a person tr...

The TKI describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising. Competing is power-driven, with a focus on one’s own needs at the expense of the other person’s. Accommodating is the polar opposite: putting someone else’s needs above one’s own. Neither is always the right approa...

Jennifer Fraser, PhD, set out to learn all she could about bullying and healing a brain damaged by it. She was motivated by the experience her teenage son endured, and the memories of her teen years that his experience brought back to her. The result is a book that surveys brain research in this area, outdated myths, and societal trends.  Equally important, Jennifer shares hopeful and practical id...

More than nine million copies of the TKI assessment have been sold since it was introduced in the mid- 1970s, according to the Kilmann Diagnostics website: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/assessments/thomas-kilmann-instrument-one-assessment-person/ The tool isn’t black or white and doesn’t label conflict is bad. In fact, it calls conflict “neutral”. https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/faqs/ The Thomas-K...

Making choices about just how much conflict to address can lead to better outcomes than stopping before you start or setting up for a sense of failure. We can feel overwhelmed -- and fearful -- about estate planning, as my guest last time, Paul Hood, discussed. An internal conflict. It helps to recognize that it will take time and that changes can be made down the road. And almost any decision is...

Paul Hood has written extensively about estate planning for many years – books, articles, and more. Many have been full of insights for professionals. Earlier this year, Paul’s book on estate planning geared for lay people was published. Yours, Mine, and Ours – estate planning for people in blended or stepfamilies.  Among other topics, Paul covers the common fears that can stop people from startin...