Couples Therapy In Seven Words

According to Karl Pillemer’s research (Karl was a guest on our podcast in 2020—you can find our interview with Karl here ), in recent years about a quarter of Americans are involved in some kind of family estrangement at any given time. And this trend is supported by a growing infrastructure of influencers who urge people to cut off contact with family members as a good way to solve relationship p...

I’ve posted a bunch of reels and podcast clips about helping couples recover from infidelity. And among the comments on those postings, there’s a common theme: How can you imply that the person who was betrayed is somehow to blame for the cheater’s behavior? I recognize that it’s a very fine line between justifying immoral behavior—which I don’t want to do—and examining the context in which it occ...

Our guest for this episode, Rev. Monical Humpal, helps clients recover from betrayal, with a special emphasis on clients who choose to reconcile. Monica speaks from experience: she tells us about her own marriage, betrayal, and reconciliation journey. Judy and I found Monica’s story both moving and inspiring, and I hope you will too. Monica’s book, Betrayed and Stayed, is available anywhere. Her w...

If you’re married, did you write your own vows? Our guest in this episode, Stephanie Wise, is a therapist who provides therapy to couples. And she also works with couples in another way, to help them craft their vows before marriage. As we discuss in the episode, it’s not just about coming up with the right words. Rather, it’s about recognizing that committing to being in a couple over the long te...

David Gottfried, our guest in this episode, is well-known in the world of green buildings, having founded the U.S. Green Building Council and the World Green Building Council. Why, then, is he a guest on our podcast that focuses on couples issues? It turns out that the ideas David has been developing have relevance not only to the world of architecture, but also to the world of relationships. Davi...

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a way of communicating originally developed by Marshal Rosenberg. Our guest in this episode, Micah Salaberrios, first encountered NVC when a colleague in a project he was working on used it to help calm a volatile situation, and he was so impressed with its effectiveness that he ultimately became a teacher of NVC himself. Micah tells us about how to use “Emergency...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/Db2MhycBH50 . How might AI help couples have better relationships? What are the advantages, and what are the dangers? Our guest in this episode, Lior Illouz, tells us about the app his company has developed, and what he and his colleagues have learned about relationships from how their users have interacted with the app. Lior’s website is https...

Download the free 4-page Relationship Clarity Check or explore my video courses at: 👉 https://brucechalmer.com When Gary Chapman first published The Five Love Languages, it became a massive best-seller because the idea that we offer and receive love differently deeply resonated. However, over time, that framework became oversimplified nonsense, trapping couples into rigid boxes. The truth is, we...

Download the free Relationship Clarity Check or explore Bruce’s video courses at 👉 https://brucechalmer.com Our guests in this episode of "Couples Therapy in Seven Words" are Pete and Kalindi, partners in life and work, devoted to helping individuals and couples experience deeper connection, intimacy, and truth in their relationships. We talk about the ideas of tantra, how couples can regain thei...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/kIgLpVpu8mM . Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a way of working with people that recognizes that, metaphorically or literally, each of us is made up a whole bunch of parts, sometimes vigorously disagreeing with each other. Our guest in this episode, Kirsten Davidson, explains how she uses the insights of IFS in her work with couples. Kirsten’s...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/IP-pNKMlzyY . Is it possible those wonderful qualities of the person you fell in love with—that perfect match for you—could also be the source of problems in your relationship? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Andrea Medaris, tells us how that can happen, and how to handle it when it does. We talk about Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, and how...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/TUXfsCRa0Sw . Does Artificial Intelligence have a place in couples therapy? That thought is both intriguing and horrifying, at least to us! Our guest in this episode, Keith Jordan, has developed an app that incorporates AI, with guardrails, to enable clients to get some help between sessions. Keith’s website is http://www.ctadeliveryllc.com/ ....

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/iUELr23ilxY . Long-time listeners of our podcast, or those of you who follow my (Bruce’s) work, might recognize that title, “Reigniting the Spark,” as the title of my first book on relationships. Now I’ve created a self-paced video course based on a lot of the same ideas. In this episode, Judy and I talk about why couples might lose the spark,...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/muVs-NhSv-U . Our guest in this episode is Tyler Patrick, a marriage and family therapist who works with couples dealing with betrayal trauma and addiction recovery. Tyler tells us about his own journey, and how the struggles he and his wife went through have both challenged and strengthened their relationship. Tyler’s website is http://therapy...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/7bf-FUL0Hw8 . Our guest in this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck, uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) in her work with couples. She explains how EFT applies the insights of attachment theory to help couples find safe, deep reconnection. And, much to my (Bruce’s) delight, she points out that working on communication doesn’t solve the problem! (Reca...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/Lt1GOUpHFFo . Why does libido so often seem to fade in a long-term relationship, especially for women? Is it possible it’s not inevitable? Our guest in this episode, Caroline Hood, says it’s not inevitable—and tells how couples can support a great sex life over the long haul. Her forthcoming book is Sex Begets Sex: Reclaiming Desire as an Act o...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/FDZUJQEnR28 . How can a couple reinforce and deepen their emotional connection? Our guests in this episode, Dr. Penny Goldmuntz and Rabbi Michael Trachter, are a married couple who help other couples do just that. They tell us about how they work with couples to help them create a “Story of Us,” so they approach both problems and joys with a se...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/Wacw1Cz7JfM . We had a blast having this conversation with Amanda Dames! Amanda is “The Kink Consultant,” on a mission to destigmatize kink, empower exploration, and help individuals and couples build bridges so they can own and express their fantasies safely. Amanda’s website is https://www.amandadames.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or gu...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/1b8w45QIbX8 . If your spouse or partner has betrayed you, can you heal the marriage? Dealing with betrayal trauma is, obviously, painful and difficult—but can the marriage heal? In this episode Judy and I talk about the three options couples face when betrayal has happened, and how you might choose among them. And Bruce describes his video cour...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/E33G8rILKy4 . If you’ve been betrayed—or if your partner has accused you of betrayal—what is it about what happened that makes it betrayal? It’s not just semantics. You can be hurt, but betrayal isn’t just hurt. Betrayal shakes your entire foundation—you not only have to doubt your trust, you have to doubt your own judgment. Betrayal trauma is...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/9OvsfA9HEOI . Forgiveness can mean different things—and those differences can have a significant impact on the process of healing when someone has hurt or betrayed you. Judy and I talk about what forgiveness might mean, and how some ways of understanding it can be disempowering while other ways can be empowering. Our newly redesigned website is...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/6_CuvZO8qbQ . What is betrayal trauma? What makes it particularly painful? Judy and I talk about betrayal, including some insights we’ve gained from our own experience. Our newly redesigned website is at https://ctin7.com . Let us know what you think! Information about my video course “Betrayal and Forgiveness” is at https://brucechalmer.com/be...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/y74GP_wzKGU . For many couples, talking about money is the third rail—you just don’t go there, or if you do, you get shocked. Our guest in this episode, Carl Richards, talks about why it’s so hard for couples to talk about money, and why money isn’t just about money. Carl’s “Sketch Guy” column ran in the New York Times for a decade. Our convers...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/aRN7sDmcjfU . What is Discernment Counseling? And how might it help you? In this episode, Judy and I talk about situations in which Discernment Counseling is appropriate, and ways that my approach is consistent with its goals. You can find more information about Discernment Counseling at https://brucechalmer.com/discernment-counseling-a-differe...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/h3McIE-iuIM . The term “narcissist” has become something of a slur these days, and our guest in today’s episode, couples therapist James Christensen, recognizes this phenomenon. He doesn’t use the term much in working with couples, but his own experience of recognizing those tendencies in himself has helped him in his work. We also discuss how...