Couples Therapy In Seven Words

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/iUELr23ilxY . Long-time listeners of our podcast, or those of you who follow my (Bruce’s) work, might recognize that title, “Reigniting the Spark,” as the title of my first book on relationships. Now I’ve created a self-paced video course based on a lot of the same ideas. In this episode, Judy and I talk about why couples might lose the spark,...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/muVs-NhSv-U . Our guest in this episode is Tyler Patrick, a marriage and family therapist who works with couples dealing with betrayal trauma and addiction recovery. Tyler tells us about his own journey, and how the struggles he and his wife went through have both challenged and strengthened their relationship. Tyler’s website is http://therapy...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/7bf-FUL0Hw8 . Our guest in this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck, uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) in her work with couples. She explains how EFT applies the insights of attachment theory to help couples find safe, deep reconnection. And, much to my (Bruce’s) delight, she points out that working on communication doesn’t solve the problem! (Reca...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/Lt1GOUpHFFo . Why does libido so often seem to fade in a long-term relationship, especially for women? Is it possible it’s not inevitable? Our guest in this episode, Caroline Hood, says it’s not inevitable—and tells how couples can support a great sex life over the long haul. Her forthcoming book is Sex Begets Sex: Reclaiming Desire as an Act o...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/FDZUJQEnR28 . How can a couple reinforce and deepen their emotional connection? Our guests in this episode, Dr. Penny Goldmuntz and Rabbi Michael Trachter, are a married couple who help other couples do just that. They tell us about how they work with couples to help them create a “Story of Us,” so they approach both problems and joys with a se...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/Wacw1Cz7JfM . We had a blast having this conversation with Amanda Dames! Amanda is “The Kink Consultant,” on a mission to destigmatize kink, empower exploration, and help individuals and couples build bridges so they can own and express their fantasies safely. Amanda’s website is https://www.amandadames.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or gu...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/1b8w45QIbX8 . If your spouse or partner has betrayed you, can you heal the marriage? Dealing with betrayal trauma is, obviously, painful and difficult—but can the marriage heal? In this episode Judy and I talk about the three options couples face when betrayal has happened, and how you might choose among them. And Bruce describes his video cour...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/E33G8rILKy4 . If you’ve been betrayed—or if your partner has accused you of betrayal—what is it about what happened that makes it betrayal? It’s not just semantics. You can be hurt, but betrayal isn’t just hurt. Betrayal shakes your entire foundation—you not only have to doubt your trust, you have to doubt your own judgment. Betrayal trauma is...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/9OvsfA9HEOI . Forgiveness can mean different things—and those differences can have a significant impact on the process of healing when someone has hurt or betrayed you. Judy and I talk about what forgiveness might mean, and how some ways of understanding it can be disempowering while other ways can be empowering. Our newly redesigned website is...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/6_CuvZO8qbQ . What is betrayal trauma? What makes it particularly painful? Judy and I talk about betrayal, including some insights we’ve gained from our own experience. Our newly redesigned website is at https://ctin7.com . Let us know what you think! Information about my video course “Betrayal and Forgiveness” is at https://brucechalmer.com/be...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/y74GP_wzKGU . For many couples, talking about money is the third rail—you just don’t go there, or if you do, you get shocked. Our guest in this episode, Carl Richards, talks about why it’s so hard for couples to talk about money, and why money isn’t just about money. Carl’s “Sketch Guy” column ran in the New York Times for a decade. Our convers...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/aRN7sDmcjfU . What is Discernment Counseling? And how might it help you? In this episode, Judy and I talk about situations in which Discernment Counseling is appropriate, and ways that my approach is consistent with its goals. You can find more information about Discernment Counseling at https://brucechalmer.com/discernment-counseling-a-differe...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/h3McIE-iuIM . The term “narcissist” has become something of a slur these days, and our guest in today’s episode, couples therapist James Christensen, recognizes this phenomenon. He doesn’t use the term much in working with couples, but his own experience of recognizing those tendencies in himself has helped him in his work. We also discuss how...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/-nl4dO3qCpk . In an era of political polarization, how can couples survive when they belong to different political tribes? Is it even possible? Well.. Judy and I talk about the possibilities and pitfalls. The GMA segment we refer to is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwo8--6n0XY . Our newly redesigned website is at https://ctin7.com . Let us...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/6pp6GZAgptY . How can a couple cope when one partner wants sex more often than the other? Is this inevitable in long-term relationships? Does it have to involve conflict, pressure, rejection, and pain? Our guest in this episode, Laura Jurgens, is an expert on desire discrepancy in couples and how to work through it. Laura’s website is https://l...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/JaYYg5luP_E . Why are people having less sex than they used to? What role does AI play in this tendency? Have we evolved to just want sex, or are we actually looking for the deep bond of love? Judy and I talk about these issues, and try to end on a hopeful note (you be the judge!). Our newly redesigned website is at https://ctin7.com . Let us k...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/iw0zfpvcwTU . How can a couple navigate difficult, often painful transitions at different stages of life, and emerge stronger than before? Our guests in this episode, Art and Tonya Blanchford, tell us how they’ve done it, and continue to do so. Art’s website is https://artblanchford.com . Tonya’s website for her soon to be open café is https://...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/BdRj4uZJuys . Is couples therapy always a good idea? (Turns out, no!) When might it hurt, and when might it help? And how can you make the best use of couples therapy if you decide you want to do it? In this episode, Judy and I talk about those topics. The name of the person we mentioned who talked to us about compassionate divorce is Sarene Ar...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/TmH4h0QPNB0 . In this episode, Judy and I talk about Lauren Hall’s concept of Radical Moderation, and why I find the parallels between her ideas and my ideas about couples work so exciting. Our podcast interview with Lauren is at https://youtu.be/ftqRVeBptqs . Lauren Halls’ Substack, The Radical Moderate’s Guide to Life, is at https://substack....

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/-pQ0RKqexVQ . What is compassionate divorce? Our guest in this episode, Sarene Arias, works with couples to help them work together to create a healthy family for themselves and their children, even when they’ve decided to end their marriage. Sarene’s website is https://compassionate-divorce.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/9QHgncrcyCc . Our guest in this episode, Xanet Pailet, went from a 26-year sexless marriage to become an intimacy coach. We talk about how Xanet helps couples discover deep, passionate intimacy, both sexually and emotionally. Xanet’s website is https://howtoimprovemylovellife.com/ . Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/HCPMLeURKJM . And now for something completely different… More and more people are developing relationships with chatbots—including client-therapist relationships. You might have heard some of the horror stories about chatbots leading people horribly astray, and also some of the positive stories about people finding chatbots can be helpful, sup...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/eUR0twlYpd0 . There’s a moment in my first sessions with couples that I’ve come to expect. I’ve explained to them a way of understanding what’s happening in many long-term relationships, and then ask them if that resonates with them. And that’s when it happens: that light-bulb moment. In this episode, Judy and I talk about that way of understan...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/jPbj3Gm5Seo . How can couples recover from infidelity? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Monique Thompson, specializes in helping couples do just that. As you’ll notice, I (Bruce) speculated that if I weren’t clearly 20+ years older, Monique and I might have been twins separated at birth—we have very similar outlooks on how to help couples get thr...

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/K-sFebiiql8 . Couples therapy can help—especially if you know how to use it effectively. Bruce’s recent book, The Passion Paradox: When You Feel Miles Apart and Still Love Each Other, is becoming a video course. And what you’ll learn can save you time, money, and heartache as you work through the struggles you’re having in your relationship. Mo...