Childproof

If you don’t like this episode of Childproof, it’s probably our fault. Not because we’re the hosts and responsible for making this show listenable but because we’re millennials. We ruin everything else. Apparently. Listen, we’d love to retire. We’re trying. We really just want to be left alone with our children. Be those children, pets, or plants. Please, we’re begging you. Forget us. Remember Gen...

Do you call it a trolley, a buggy, or a cart? Soda, pop, or coke? On this episode of Childproof we discuss language quirks, regional dialects, and, just for a little bit, remember this is a parenting podcast and somehow pigeonhole our random off-topic wanderings back into the parenting communication sphere. If your kid is developing an accent, do you teach them a neutral pronunciation anyway? We w...

Ever feel like the days bleed together and you’re not sure how time works anymore? That’s how Tori and Gwenna felt most of the summer. Tuesday? What is that? Feels fake. But now that school is back in session, time has gone less wibbly wobbly. It’s not making more sense because it’s still kids and those, generally speaking, rarely make sense. (Well, by adult standards anyway, but we aren’t ready f...

On this episode of Childproof, Parasocial Parenting, we discuss if our kids are actually growing up to be villains and how to successfully tell our children they actually suck. (Well, not that they suck but that their book is really very bad.) There’s a muddy bit in the beginning where we distracted ourselves with weather but if you slog through that bit, it gets better. We want to hear from you!...

It’s our back to school not at all special perfectly regular episode because while the children are returning to school, we didn’t actually put any effort into making a special to celebrate. We’ve just been trying to survive the last vestiges of summer. From the battles we know we’re about to fight about backpacks to tainted school pick up mirror tags to a whole bunch of other stuff we had no idea...

Having kids doesn’t magically make you immune to depression, seasonal or otherwise. And no one wants to believe you when you say summertime makes you sad. But we believe you. We believe you because we also get the summertime SADS. This episode we discuss parenting while blue, while struggling, while barely hanging on and still getting stuff done. It’s okay to not be okay. You do need to reach out...

Today's episode of Childproof is brought to you by Gwenna and Tori taking a little summertime break. Please enjoy hearing a preview of our preshows, we'll be back again with regular episodes next time. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com ⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus content⁠ Video version...

Parenting via email. That’s what the podcast is now. And this episode covers chalk-covered mascots, a discussion on if we love our kids enough, when is the right time to have a baby (and no, neither of us is pregnant. Both of us are fixed, thank you.), and when and how to work through big feelings with your kids.  We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else y...

On this episode of Childproof: Parasocial Parenting we discuss mushroom allergies, mascots that are not in any way shape or form mascots but Gwenna nicknames everything inappropriately, and how toddlers and teenagers are alike but different. Also we discuss how gentle parenting doesn’t mean never being mean. It just means being mean with purpose and intent and realizing that your kids can be mad e...

The start of summer means more kids everywhere. If your kids aren’t in school yet you have no sympathy. We understand. But ours are home and we love them very much and miss quiet things and alone time. Two things can be true. This episode we talk about acceptable risks, overprotecting, sticker books, a dog dressed as a butterfly, and projects and assignments neither Tori nor Gwenna have done.  We...

This week on Childproof’s Parasocial Parenting we’re talking about uniforms for motherhood (Spoiler: There isn’t one.), Gwenna’s pathological demand avoidance about a webtoon, Mom RBF, realistic expectations of becoming an adult, planning for the near future and letting forever take care of itself. If you’d like to influence us email us at childproofmail@gmail.com We want to hear from you! Do you...

Tori and Gwenna are very much enjoying and appreciating all of your emails and comments; keep them coming and we'll keep this going. Also, watch The Amazing Digital Circus and then try to convince Gwenna to watch too. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com ⁠Join our Patreon for pre-show bonus conten...

Childproof is changing for the better because it will now include more of all of you! We have always loved hearing from all of you and reading your emails. We want to hear from you more now than ever. It's not like every episode is going to be an email roundup, it's more like an extension of the virtual village and we are so excited to share more than our own thoughts. We want to hear from you! Do...

Yet another episode sponsored in part by MacMillan Audio because they produced Gwenna’s latest book, Thinky Thoughts All Grown Up & Still Just as Confused. You can listen to the full version come April 14th but for now, please enjoy just one more essay. This one is road rage and involves bricks, land boats, cloud-haired women in sensible shoes, and the root of a good chunk of Gwenna’s car-based an...

This episode of Childproof is sponsored in part by MacMillan Audio. Gwenna’s new book Thinky Thoughts hits shelves April 14th and MacMillan Audio produced her audiobook. Gwenna will read her own book to you. And you get a sample here on Childproof. Enjoy this complete essay Creamed Corn from Thinky Thoughts: All Grown Up & Still Just as Confused. Is creamed corn a thinly veiled reference to grown...

It’s time for another round of enjoying our mutual parasocial relationships with our listeners! We’ve asked you questions. You’ve answered them. We’re reading some of them. And then using your answers to explore tangents that may or may not have anything to do with anything.  At the end of every episode we invite you to email us with questions, suggestions, or things we should know. We shamelessly...

After a pause. And a break. And a distinct lack of explaining ourselves. And another break. We’re back. This time with an explanation of exactly what happened. The winds of change are blowing and we’re excited to see where they take us all! We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email us: Childproofmail@gmail.com ⁠Join our Patreon fo...

On this episode of Childproof Gwenna and Tori discuss things. Okay, full disclosure for the seventeen people that read notes and descriptions, we recorded this and then Oklahoma and Kentucky both exploded with influenza. Everyone was sick. Stuff got paused while we all healed. It was rough. No one had any fun. Show notes didn’t get written and by the time they got back to it Gwenna, who writes the...

Tori only thought they were losing it. Their snow continues and we decided to scour the internet for what they are saying about parents in the media. Did you know Warren Buffett was a gentle parent? Who knew? And then we spend most of the rest of the episode being very millennial and complaining about a Buzzfeed article. It’s not so much complaining as pointing out how it’s wrong a bunch. So like...

White people talking about the weather, weird Barbies, transmogrifying spoons, fork licking, crutches, clutter, hoarding, and lying. Somehow that’s all in this episode. Tori and Gwenna have gone stir crazy I. The ale of the winter storm that swept the nation and this episode is the proof of that.  We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to kno...

January is still here. Because it won’t leave. Why won’t it leave? Why does every January seem to last five years? On this episode of childproof Gwenna and Tori discuss snow days and library perks. Art contests and alarm clocks. But mostly we just keeping waiting for January to be done.  We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comments, jokes, or anything else you want us to know? Email u...

Okay yes fine. We admit it. Sometimes we make meals our whole families enjoy and sometimes we make five different dishes, one for each human in the house. We do it because we can. Because it’s not that hard. Because not every moment needs to be a teachable one. And sometimes just getting dinner down their gullet is worth not fighting an entire war over a dang pea. We also admit a whole bunch of ot...

The new year is always ripe with promise of change. But these changes were inevitable. On this episode of Childproof we’re talking books, baby fever (no neither of us are having more babies, relax) and how to handle body acceptance and changes to our bodies without making a negative change. Framing self improvement as just that. Improvement. We want to hear from you! Do you have questions, comment...

It’s been a wonderful holiday break. We are spirited out though and looking forward to our spawn going and hanging out with other folks for a hot second. From grinning and bearing our kids’ tastes in media to when you’re forced to take your own parenting advice FOR yourself, returning to routine is important and this episode of Childproof really hammers that down.  We want to hear from you! Do you...

This is the episode that isn’t an episode but is made of parts of all the other episodes that were episodes even if they were weird episodes. A full episode of minisodes? Anyway Gwenna  and Tori are spending their holiday with their family and will have plenty to talk about after the break. Please enjoy this montage of our favorite clips and moments.  We want to hear from you! Do you have question...