Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Have you ever made a change you knew was right for you, only to wonder why it felt so unsettling?   If you've found yourself grieving a life you chose to leave, questioning your identity after making a major decision, or feeling strangely untethered even though you're confident in your choice, this episode is for you.   In this episode, I explore why change can feel so profoundly strange, even whe...

What if making major life decisions didn't have to be so agonizing?   Many people assume that the bigger the decision, the more time, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil it should involve. But what if you could make major life decisions thoughtfully without turning them into an exhausting, never-ending mental ordeal?   In this episode, I share the story of leaving Costa Rica and deciding where to m...

What exactly is an emotional affair, and how do you know if you're having one?   Despite how often the term gets used, there is surprisingly little agreement about what an emotional affair actually is. Many people find themselves wondering whether a close connection with someone else crosses a line, only to discover that there are no universal rules that can answer that question for them.   In thi...

What do you do when you've decided you don't want to continue your affair, but you still desperately want to contact your affair partner?         So many people assume that if they truly wanted the relationship to end, they wouldn't feel the urge to reach out. But what if those urges don't mean you made the wrong decision at all?           In this episode, I talk about why learning how to tolerate...

What does better sex actually require once you've clarified your desires and started rebuilding a connection with your partner?   If you want better sex in a long-term relationship, the next step isn't simply hoping that things improve. It's learning how to communicate, collaborate, and intentionally co-create a sexual relationship that works for both of you.   In this episode, I continue our conv...

What if having better sex has less to do with what you do in bed and more to do with how you show up with your partner every day?   If your sex life has been unsatisfying or nonexistent for a while, it's easy to assume the solution is something dramatic. But what if the real work starts somewhere much simpler?     If you want better sex, this episode will help you understand why presence and focus...

What does better sex actually mean to you, and have you ever really stopped to define it for yourself?   So many people say they want better sex, but when we look closer, they're focused on specific outcomes or details without ever considering the bigger picture of what creates a genuinely satisfying sexual experience.   Tune in this week to learn how to begin having better sex by examining your o...

When your infidelity situation starts to take over everything, it can feel like it's the only thing that matters, the only thing worth thinking about, and the only thing that will determine whether you're okay.   But what if the problem isn't just the situation itself, but how much space it's taking up in your life?   If you've been feeling consumed, stuck, or like your life is on hold, this episo...

Radical un-shaming sounds lovely in theory, but what does it actually look like when you are dealing with desires, behaviors, or parts of yourself that other people insist are unacceptable?    In this episode, I'm joined by author, teacher, and counselor David Bedrick to talk about shame, morality, psychology, and the limits of a therapeutic model that divides people into victims and perpetrators,...

Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else?   If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship.   In th...

Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life?   When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you're trying to build.   In this episode, I invite you to tak...

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation?   Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery.   Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decisio...

You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it.   Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: "Do I have to tell my partner?" "What does this mean about my relationship?" "How could I have done this?"   Here's the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people,...

Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"?   I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I w...

Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity?   Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots.   You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. Th...

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation.   In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigatin...

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise.   The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships?   I regularly get asked if I work with af...

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match.   One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you.   When you're caught...

Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like there's no good way out.   Today, I want to share a remarkable story that might change how you see what's possible.   The guilt was unbearable. Michael couldn't sleep, his health was declining, and he felt trapped between two worlds - a marriage that...

You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit.   You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves.   So many...

Have you ever felt proud of yourself for telling the truth… only to later wonder if you should have approached it differently?   We often think of truth-telling as an absolute good - something that's always right and beneficial. But what if I told you that, sometimes, the truth we choose to tell isn't necessarily the most important or useful truth in a situation?   This week, I share a story about...

Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened?   It's complicated enough when it happens in regular relationships. But when it involves an affair partner, the complexity multiplies tenfold.   This kind of heartbreak hits differently when the relationship itself existed in secrecy, making the grief even more isolating.   Join m...

Have you ever thought about "checking out your options" before making a big relationship decision?   It seems logical, right? Why make a life-changing choice without knowing what else is out there?   When you're married but questioning whether you want to stay that way, the unknown can feel paralyzing.    Join me this week as I dive into why people choose to secretly date while married and what ac...

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision about your relationship(s)?   Maybe you're considering leaving your marriage, ending an affair, or making another significant change in your relationship status. And maybe the fear of regret is keeping you stuck.   Making major relationship decisions can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing that once you jump, th...

Is it really okay to end something that's working well?   After much consideration, I've decided to pause production of Your Secret is Safe With Me indefinitely while I pursue new creative endeavors.   This decision wasn't made because anything is wrong—quite the opposite.   My experience with this transition mirrors what many of my clients face in their relationships and life choices. There's oft...