Your Secret Is Safe With Me

What if telling the truth could make your life easier, even if you aren't sure you're going to like what happens next?   In this episode, I talk about why telling the truth can sometimes be extremely beneficial, even though I also believe that you have the prerogative to lie, omit information, or keep certain truths to yourself. I explore how telling the truth can simplify your life, help you act...

What is the C-word? In my work, there's one C-word that carries a lot of weight:  closure.   In this episode, I talk about what closure actually means, why we can end up making our sense of peace dependent on things we cannot control, and how our own thinking shapes whether or not we experience a sense of resolution. I also talk about the possibility that sometimes the best thing you can do is lea...

If you're spending hours texting your affair partner every day, but you know it's making your life harder, why are you still doing it?   It's completely reasonable to enjoy texting with your affair partner. It can be exciting, entertaining, and a reliable source of pleasure. But if texting is taking over your time, interfering with your sleep or productivity, creating endless drama, or becoming th...

What if the people in your life are a lot more interesting than you've been giving them credit for?   I'm doing something a little different this week: I'm giving you a quiz about me, with some very fun prizes for the people who get the answers right. But this isn't just an excuse to test your knowledge of my favorite things.   In this episode, I talk about why I created the quiz, and how curiosit...

If you don't want to experience another holiday season the way you experienced the last one, what are you actually going to do differently?   The holidays can be a particularly stark reminder of what we do and don't like about our infidelity situations, especially when we've spent multiple years hoping that something will change.   In this episode, I want you to stop asking what you hope will be d...

What if an infidelity situation didn't have to mean the end of your life as you know it?   In this episode, I'm talking with Jane, a woman in her late 60s who found herself having an affair after more than 40 years of marriage. She never imagined herself as someone who would have an affair, and yet reconnecting with someone from her past brought excitement, intimacy, and a sense of being fully see...

So many stories about infidelity focus on the devastation, the shame, and the belief that an affair means your life is ruined forever. But that is not the whole story.   In this episode, I'm sharing another conversation with a podcast listener who has made it through the challenges of her infidelity situation and is thriving on the other side of it.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more info...

Most stories about infidelity end with heartbreak, regret, or destruction. But what if that isn't the whole story?   In this episode, I'm joined by Scarlett, a longtime listener who generously shares the story of her affair, the end of her marriage, the painful aftermath of losing her affair partner, and the unexpected life she built on the other side of it all.   Join us as we discuss clarity, co...

Have you ever made a change you knew was right for you, only to wonder why it felt so unsettling?   If you've found yourself grieving a life you chose to leave, questioning your identity after making a major decision, or feeling strangely untethered even though you're confident in your choice, this episode is for you.   In this episode, I explore why change can feel so profoundly strange, even whe...

What if making major life decisions didn't have to be so agonizing?   Many people assume that the bigger the decision, the more time, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil it should involve. But what if you could make major life decisions thoughtfully without turning them into an exhausting, never-ending mental ordeal?   In this episode, I share the story of leaving Costa Rica and deciding where to m...

What exactly is an emotional affair, and how do you know if you're having one?   Despite how often the term gets used, there is surprisingly little agreement about what an emotional affair actually is. Many people find themselves wondering whether a close connection with someone else crosses a line, only to discover that there are no universal rules that can answer that question for them.   In thi...

What do you do when you've decided you don't want to continue your affair, but you still desperately want to contact your affair partner?         So many people assume that if they truly wanted the relationship to end, they wouldn't feel the urge to reach out. But what if those urges don't mean you made the wrong decision at all?           In this episode, I talk about why learning how to tolerate...

What does better sex actually require once you've clarified your desires and started rebuilding a connection with your partner?   If you want better sex in a long-term relationship, the next step isn't simply hoping that things improve. It's learning how to communicate, collaborate, and intentionally co-create a sexual relationship that works for both of you.   In this episode, I continue our conv...

What if having better sex has less to do with what you do in bed and more to do with how you show up with your partner every day?   If your sex life has been unsatisfying or nonexistent for a while, it's easy to assume the solution is something dramatic. But what if the real work starts somewhere much simpler?     If you want better sex, this episode will help you understand why presence and focus...

What does better sex actually mean to you, and have you ever really stopped to define it for yourself?   So many people say they want better sex, but when we look closer, they're focused on specific outcomes or details without ever considering the bigger picture of what creates a genuinely satisfying sexual experience.   Tune in this week to learn how to begin having better sex by examining your o...

When your infidelity situation starts to take over everything, it can feel like it's the only thing that matters, the only thing worth thinking about, and the only thing that will determine whether you're okay.   But what if the problem isn't just the situation itself, but how much space it's taking up in your life?   If you've been feeling consumed, stuck, or like your life is on hold, this episo...

Radical un-shaming sounds lovely in theory, but what does it actually look like when you are dealing with desires, behaviors, or parts of yourself that other people insist are unacceptable?    In this episode, I'm joined by author, teacher, and counselor David Bedrick to talk about shame, morality, psychology, and the limits of a therapeutic model that divides people into victims and perpetrators,...

Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else?   If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship.   In th...

Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life?   When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you're trying to build.   In this episode, I invite you to tak...

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation?   Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery.   Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decisio...

You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it.   Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: "Do I have to tell my partner?" "What does this mean about my relationship?" "How could I have done this?"   Here's the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people,...

Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"?   I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I w...

Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity?   Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots.   You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. Th...

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation.   In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigatin...

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise.   The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships?   I regularly get asked if I work with af...